I am so scared of losing my wife while she is in 28 day rehab. I am so scared that she will get an emotional attachment to another man or develop sexual feelings. Is this common? Can our relationship survive rehab? I have been by her side through everything.
-- Edited by Scaredfrightened on Friday 18th of November 2016 08:05:39 PM
-- Edited by Scaredfrightened on Friday 18th of November 2016 08:10:05 PM
-- Edited by Scaredfrightened on Friday 18th of November 2016 08:21:56 PM
hotrod said
Nov 18, 2016
Welcome to Miracles in Progress, I'm glad that you found us and had the courage to share your thoughts.
Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, disease that can be arrested but never cured. We who live with the disease become affected by trying to deal with the insanity and often require a recovery program of our own. Al-Anon is that recovery program. Al-Anon holds face-to-face meetings in most communities and the hotline number can be found in the white pages.
It is here that I learned that I was powerless over the disease but I had a great deal of power over my own feelings and actions. Al-Anon provided constructive tools to live by and a supportive network to practice with.
It was pointed out to me that the evidence that I had been affected by the disease was that I manifested irrational fear and dread. I would like to suggest that you find an Al-Anon meeting and attend. I believe your fears will be lessened and you will receive the support that you need.
It is good that your spouses in a rehab for 28 days and I know that they will consult with you for consultations. Please keep coming back you're not alone
Scaredfrightened said
Nov 18, 2016
hotrod wrote:
Welcome to Miracles in Progress, I'm glad that you found us and had the courage to share your thoughts.
Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, disease that can be arrested but never cured. We who live with the disease become affected by trying to deal with the insanity and often require a recovery program of our own. Al-Anon is that recovery program. Al-Anon holds face-to-face meetings in most communities and the hotline number can be found in the white pages.
It is here that I learned that I was powerless over the disease but I had a great deal of power over my own feelings and actions. Al-Anon provided constructive tools to live by and a supportive network to practice with.
It was pointed out to me that the evidence that I had been affected by the disease was that I manifested irrational fear and dread. I would like to suggest that you find an Al-Anon meeting and attend. I believe your fears will be lessened and you will receive the support that you need.
It is good that your spouses in a rehab for 28 days and I know that they will consult with you for consultations. Please keep coming back you're not alone
Thankyou so much for the reply. It means the world. It is nice to know I am not alone.
hotrod said
Nov 18, 2016
Great I am so happy you feel welcomed and understood. You will find tremendous support in alanon face to face meetings. Keep coming back you will not be disappointed.
Rinn said
Nov 18, 2016
I am so happy that you have come to alanon and have expressed your fears here on this board. I hear a lot of worry in your post. I wish I had a magic 8 ball with all the answers you need. But I can tell you that generally in treatment (that I have seen) men and women do treatment separately for inpatient. The don't want people distracted by the opposite sex, instead they try to encourage focus on treatment. I have no idea where your wife is and what their set up is. But treatment does prefer the focus is on treatment.
I think so many people struggling with a spouse with an addiction feel worried, jealous, and scared at some point, you are not alone. I hope that you can take this next 28 days and work on you. Take some time to learn what you can in Alanon and your own recovery. Please keep comming back!
Rinn
el-cee said
Nov 19, 2016
Welcome I hope you can find your seat in the nearest alanon meeting. Here you will get support and love and a recovery programme to help you.
Iamhere said
Nov 19, 2016
I too send a warm welcome to you. This disease is overwhelming in so many ways - my best suggestions are already shared - find a meeting....attend and know it's a safe place and there is hope and help in recovery!
Please keep coming back here too - you are not alone!
pinkchip said
Nov 19, 2016
Dig into alanon. Time to focus on you and mot her. You are enough...whole and complete all on your own. You cannot control your wife and you really don't want to be that needy and fearful in your relationship. When you need her less and are less dependent, you will be free to take care of you, develop better boundaries, and you will be happier. It has hard work to detach. Scary and painful but worth it.
Jerry F said
Nov 19, 2016
Welcome Scared to this board and I hope you can commit to your own peace of mind and serenity as you are committed to your wife's sobriety. Yes I know where you are and what you mean because I've been there and done that and learned later on that it was part and parcel with making the decision to get into the relationships with alcoholics and addicts. I complained to my sponsor at one time that they (I've had more than one alcoholic relationship) were always getting involved with every Tom Dick and Harry and then in time added my own name because that is how our relationship happened....soooo it became every Tom, Dick, Harry and Jerry and I had to change my response and participation in our relationship. I focused very deeply on Al-Anon's early message that alcoholism was not a moral issue but a disease and in time I came around that while those of use commit some very serious moral missives we are sick people and not bad ones.
Did I loose my wife? I divorce her because with the help of the program and my sponsor I came to the realization that while I loved her I had no justification to be married to her...from the start. There was no one else; just me and my Higher Power. That may not be your thinking or solution or plan it was mine. When I left where I was at to come back home both she and I realized that we actually loved each other and had no reason to be married. We should have had that awareness when we met. Thank God for this program, sponsors, tools and God him/her self. Weird? doesn't seem so for me today. Keep coming back and get into the face to face meeting rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups where you may certainly meet some of us also. ((((hugs))))
Desperateinnyc said
Nov 19, 2016
I hear myself in what you are fearing..I too had the same fears when my boyfriend went to rehab. But that's the sickness, the irrational fears we allow to control us..and the codependency of needing them and the emotions that go along with it. Frankly, I doubt highly she will meet and fall for another man in rehab..yes they do tend to segregate the men and women..and they are not there for this. Yes they all form bonds with the other patients, and I get that can be a little threatening for us, outside of it all. But do as everyone here suggested..try to take this time to build yourself up more, it's a gift, not just to her, but to you, to take this time apart, and focus on you, because that's what she is doing. Trust me, it's what she needs to be doing. Things will be ok..you sound like a very caring and supportive spouse, just focus, for now, on you
lookingup said
Nov 25, 2016
Welcome to alanon scared ,we all share very similar stories of this dreadful desease,the good news is there is hope and recovery for us all,so glad you found us,keep coming back because your worth it......hugs lu
vvv said
Nov 26, 2016
Hello, and welcome. I am quite new to al anon and this forum, but I can tell you it is so helpful talking to people in this group! My ex bf/ current bf (if that makes sense) was talking about going to a program and I want so badly for him to go, but I also had the exact thoughts you're having! I kept telling myself that this isn't about me at this point and it is his recovery and that is important for him. Not to say my own feelings and hopes for the relationship aren't valid, but I kept telling myself,if it's meant to be it will be no matter what happens, but recovery needs to happen. I also try to remind myself and reflect on the life we had together with drinking...do I want that? I know I don't deserve to be miserable and afraid. We are all entitled to be healthy and happy! I hope your wife does well and finishes the program and I wish you the best in the future of your relationship!!
I am so scared of losing my wife while she is in 28 day rehab. I am so scared that she will get an emotional attachment to another man or develop sexual feelings. Is this common? Can our relationship survive rehab? I have been by her side through everything.
-- Edited by Scaredfrightened on Friday 18th of November 2016 08:05:39 PM
-- Edited by Scaredfrightened on Friday 18th of November 2016 08:10:05 PM
-- Edited by Scaredfrightened on Friday 18th of November 2016 08:21:56 PM
Welcome to Miracles in Progress, I'm glad that you found us and had the courage to share your thoughts.
Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, disease that can be arrested but never cured. We who live with the disease become affected by trying to deal with the insanity and often require a recovery program of our own. Al-Anon is that recovery program. Al-Anon holds face-to-face meetings in most communities and the hotline number can be found in the white pages.
It is here that I learned that I was powerless over the disease but I had a great deal of power over my own feelings and actions. Al-Anon provided constructive tools to live by and a supportive network to practice with.
It was pointed out to me that the evidence that I had been affected by the disease was that I manifested irrational fear and dread. I would like to suggest that you find an Al-Anon meeting and attend. I believe your fears will be lessened and you will receive the support that you need.
It is good that your spouses in a rehab for 28 days and I know that they will consult with you for consultations. Please keep coming back you're not alone
I am so happy that you have come to alanon and have expressed your fears here on this board. I hear a lot of worry in your post. I wish I had a magic 8 ball with all the answers you need. But I can tell you that generally in treatment (that I have seen) men and women do treatment separately for inpatient. The don't want people distracted by the opposite sex, instead they try to encourage focus on treatment. I have no idea where your wife is and what their set up is. But treatment does prefer the focus is on treatment.
I think so many people struggling with a spouse with an addiction feel worried, jealous, and scared at some point, you are not alone. I hope that you can take this next 28 days and work on you. Take some time to learn what you can in Alanon and your own recovery. Please keep comming back!
Rinn
Please keep coming back here too - you are not alone!
Welcome Scared to this board and I hope you can commit to your own peace of mind and serenity as you are committed to your wife's sobriety. Yes I know where you are and what you mean because I've been there and done that and learned later on that it was part and parcel with making the decision to get into the relationships with alcoholics and addicts. I complained to my sponsor at one time that they (I've had more than one alcoholic relationship) were always getting involved with every Tom Dick and Harry and then in time added my own name because that is how our relationship happened....soooo it became every Tom, Dick, Harry and Jerry and I had to change my response and participation in our relationship. I focused very deeply on Al-Anon's early message that alcoholism was not a moral issue but a disease and in time I came around that while those of use commit some very serious moral missives we are sick people and not bad ones.
Did I loose my wife? I divorce her because with the help of the program and my sponsor I came to the realization that while I loved her I had no justification to be married to her...from the start. There was no one else; just me and my Higher Power. That may not be your thinking or solution or plan it was mine. When I left where I was at to come back home both she and I realized that we actually loved each other and had no reason to be married. We should have had that awareness when we met. Thank God for this program, sponsors, tools and God him/her self. Weird? doesn't seem so for me today. Keep coming back and get into the face to face meeting rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups where you may certainly meet some of us also. ((((hugs))))