I saw dying brother, I need to stop being so co dependent
Lucy125 said
Nov 9, 2016
I saw my brother today. He's dying. It's a matter of days, I think. The emotional pain is so much. I thought there was a chance, but it's not possible now. I tried over the years, but I didn't know what was wrong, he hid the drinking from us. I don't know what to do about his kids. 25, 23, 20. They are losing their dad. Their mom has a dangerous personality disorder.
I cannot bring that chaos into my home. I don't want anything to disrupt the peace I worked so hard to achieve. I am pretty co dependent. I ask for a lot of reassurance and it gets on people's nerves. I went to a meeting today. There was one lady at the meeting that kinda scared me. She's really super emotionally needy. I think that scares me because I am that way too sometimes. I hope these meetings help. I want to live a better life.
I fear and worry a lot about my kids and if something would happen to them. I also worry about being alone.
MissM said
Nov 9, 2016
I'm sorry to hear about your brother.
I'm not sure what you feel you need to "do" about his adult children though? They're all old enough to take care of themselves and beyond the emotional support you'd offer any family member experiencing grief I'm not sure what else needs to be 'done"?
I was super emotionally needy before. I couldn't see it though so that's a definite positive; you're aware of it and can take steps to address it.
Hugs to you and all of your family in this sad time.
Lucy125 said
Nov 9, 2016
oh thank you.... I don't know. I guess I feel the need to "fix" people. I could relate to that pamphlet that said an alcoholic is a child in an adult suit. I am feeling that way now.
I knew that there wasn't going to be a good outcome to this situation. I guess, I couldn't stop hoping things would change, but I knew that was probably not going to happen. It's been about 15 years of this going gradually down hill. I can't have much contact with these "kids". They are not getting help. I gave them the resources. They are all very destructive too.
hotrod said
Nov 9, 2016
((Lucy)) it took a great deal of courage to visit with your brother during this difficult time. I am sorry that his condition is end stage and understand the pain that causes.Please keep the focus on yourself,be gentle with yourself and know that HP is in control.
My brother and his wife passed over two years ago leaving two sons in their late 20s I keep in touch with them weekly by telephone or email, send birthday gifts and offer dinner invites monthly. I believe as long as I keep in touch they know I love them and that I care.
Positive thoughts and prayers for you and your family on the way
Lucy125 said
Nov 10, 2016
I am trying to control the situation, which I know is unproductive. He wants to be cremated and no funeral. That's actually against my religion. I guess I am going to have to accept it. The funeral is actually for the living, but, I hate to say it, he was never one to think of how his actions impacted others. I am sorry Betty about your brother and sis in law. I guess I am going to have to figure out that piece on what I want to do about contact. It would be easier, if their mom didn't have a dangerous diagnosed personality disorder. She gets them to act as flying monkeys. It is what it is.
I saw my brother today. He's dying. It's a matter of days, I think. The emotional pain is so much. I thought there was a chance, but it's not possible now. I tried over the years, but I didn't know what was wrong, he hid the drinking from us. I don't know what to do about his kids. 25, 23, 20. They are losing their dad. Their mom has a dangerous personality disorder.
I cannot bring that chaos into my home. I don't want anything to disrupt the peace I worked so hard to achieve. I am pretty co dependent. I ask for a lot of reassurance and it gets on people's nerves. I went to a meeting today. There was one lady at the meeting that kinda scared me. She's really super emotionally needy. I think that scares me because I am that way too sometimes. I hope these meetings help. I want to live a better life.
I fear and worry a lot about my kids and if something would happen to them. I also worry about being alone.
I'm not sure what you feel you need to "do" about his adult children though? They're all old enough to take care of themselves and beyond the emotional support you'd offer any family member experiencing grief I'm not sure what else needs to be 'done"?
I was super emotionally needy before. I couldn't see it though so that's a definite positive; you're aware of it and can take steps to address it.
Hugs to you and all of your family in this sad time.
oh thank you.... I don't know. I guess I feel the need to "fix" people. I could relate to that pamphlet that said an alcoholic is a child in an adult suit. I am feeling that way now.
I knew that there wasn't going to be a good outcome to this situation. I guess, I couldn't stop hoping things would change, but I knew that was probably not going to happen. It's been about 15 years of this going gradually down hill. I can't have much contact with these "kids". They are not getting help. I gave them the resources. They are all very destructive too.
My brother and his wife passed over two years ago leaving two sons in their late 20s I keep in touch with them weekly by telephone or email, send birthday gifts and offer dinner invites monthly. I believe as long as I keep in touch they know I love them and that I care.
Positive thoughts and prayers for you and your family on the way
I am trying to control the situation, which I know is unproductive. He wants to be cremated and no funeral. That's actually against my religion. I guess I am going to have to accept it. The funeral is actually for the living, but, I hate to say it, he was never one to think of how his actions impacted others. I am sorry Betty about your brother and sis in law. I guess I am going to have to figure out that piece on what I want to do about contact. It would be easier, if their mom didn't have a dangerous diagnosed personality disorder. She gets them to act as flying monkeys. It is what it is.