Hi. My alcoholic boyfriend of 4 years has been sober for 60 days (and working a program), but when I came home today after a long day at work, I had a feeling. I have a feeling. And my feelings are almost always right. He's not answering questions about his day, his eyes are bloodshot, and he's sneaking off to places in the house.
I know what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to be OK whether or not he's drinking. I'm supposed to ask God to grant me the serenity. I'm supposed to let go and let God. ... It's just so damn hard.
If he did relapse today, he already lied to me about it. He usually goes to an AA meeting on Mondays. I asked him how it was, and he said, "fine." It's driving me crazy. I want to straight-up ask him if he's been drinking today, but it shouldn't matter to me. I shouldn't be obsessing, but I am.
I'm going to read some books and work on my Reaching for Personal Freedom book. I need to get out of my head.
Thanks for listening.
sarahGee said
Nov 7, 2016
That really sucks for him if he did relapse. But it doesn't have to suck for you.
I know the panic all too well, I used to arrange things so the labels were facing a certain way and take pictures of them. I would compare the pictures when I got home from work, or even mid day sometimes when I would sneak home just to check.
It's exhausting and it's not going to serve you.
He may be drinking, and if he is I am so sorry for your heart break.
You are NOT alone! Don't fall into the trap. If he wants to fall in, that's too bad for him.
Iamhere said
Nov 8, 2016
l8after12 - welcome to MIP.....glad that you found us and glad that you shared. So sorry for the pain, confusion and 'other' that this disease is bringing to you. I understand your thoughts and feelings. I certainly applaud you for telling your truth and seeking program tools to get through it.
My hope is you've found some peace since you posted and that you'll keep coming back here. This is an awesome place to supplement your recovery - and there is always hope and help.
(((Hugs))) - you are not alone...
geems said
Nov 8, 2016
First things first. Making the decision to personally relapse oneself due to what one "thought" was going on with some one else's recovery? That kind of sideways thinking is evidence that one needs some serious f2f time brother. Get to a meeting stat. Peace out.
geems said
Nov 8, 2016
In alanon we learn "NOT to allow ourselves to be used or abused by others in the interest of another's recovery" detachment...
hotrod said
Nov 8, 2016
Welcome. I do agree practicing program is hard but so is dealing with the disease of alcoholism using our old destructive thinking. Glad that you decided to read your literature and get out of your head. I have heard it said that when:" I am in my head I am behind enemy lines " and it is so true .
Keep coming back here as well as there is hope and help.
YARNCRAZY said
Nov 8, 2016
thats his 'circus' and you dont have to go there. Serenity prayer helps here
Mike B said
Nov 8, 2016
Hi 8after12! Glad to have you here with us. Alcoholism is a family disease that affects everyone it comes into contact with at some level. It's nice to see that you're looking for help for the only one you have control over- you. Keep working on you. Keep coming here and sharing. More will be revealed.
I not allowed said
Nov 14, 2016
My alcoholic daughter drank for 10 years she is now 27. With the help of al-anon she found sobriety through change in me. After 18 months she has relapsed and I hope continuing to follow the program will help me once again to ask for guidance and do the right thing. We are just starting on this new journey and she trusted me enough to tell me straight away that she had relapsed. It took her ten years last time. All the slogans are running through my mind. Mind my own business-one day at a time-think-small steps-detach with love. These are my early days slogans. I may need the rest soon enough - or maybe not!...
hotrod said
Nov 14, 2016
Welcome I So glad that you have remembered a few slogans as theyare an important step to recovery. Please search out alanon face to face meetings and attend. You deserve the support and fellowship that you will find.
Positive thoughts and prayers for your family.
Iamhere said
Nov 14, 2016
I not allowed - I too welcome you to MIP.....glad that you found us and glad that you joined in and shared. I too suggest you find local meetings - there is hope and help in recovery. Please keep coming back - you are not alone!
Aerin said
Nov 16, 2016
I hear you! Same over here! ABF had almost 48 days in AA and relapsed 2x. Once was today. I use to argue (over the last 4yrs) but now I just ignore him and leave the room. The only thing that sucks today is he keeps following me around asking for sex! ugggg!! I already told him my boundaries are that I will not do any of that or engage with him when he has been drinking. he will understand in the morning that he relapsed which in the past he didn't. but he still seems to think a few relapses here and there is not a big deal. He had met up with an old friend today who is very ill so his excuse for drinking is that since the guy has cancer they had a few beers together I kid you not! like everyone says it's not really my problem and I'm not going to ruin my night over it. in fact I went to the room and I'm going through my Instagram and Alanon while he fell asleep on the couch! I have gotten better following my steps and dealing with it but to be honest I am starting to lose respect for him. :(
Desperateinnyc said
Nov 19, 2016
Sounds so simple to just see it as his problem..I went thru this too, but once I got it, once I could really see, he's the one drinking and relapsing and I don't have to join him, I felt ok
Hi. My alcoholic boyfriend of 4 years has been sober for 60 days (and working a program), but when I came home today after a long day at work, I had a feeling. I have a feeling. And my feelings are almost always right. He's not answering questions about his day, his eyes are bloodshot, and he's sneaking off to places in the house.
I know what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to be OK whether or not he's drinking. I'm supposed to ask God to grant me the serenity. I'm supposed to let go and let God. ... It's just so damn hard.
If he did relapse today, he already lied to me about it. He usually goes to an AA meeting on Mondays. I asked him how it was, and he said, "fine." It's driving me crazy. I want to straight-up ask him if he's been drinking today, but it shouldn't matter to me. I shouldn't be obsessing, but I am.
I'm going to read some books and work on my Reaching for Personal Freedom book. I need to get out of my head.
Thanks for listening.
I know the panic all too well, I used to arrange things so the labels were facing a certain way and take pictures of them. I would compare the pictures when I got home from work, or even mid day sometimes when I would sneak home just to check.
It's exhausting and it's not going to serve you.
He may be drinking, and if he is I am so sorry for your heart break.
You are NOT alone! Don't fall into the trap. If he wants to fall in, that's too bad for him.
My hope is you've found some peace since you posted and that you'll keep coming back here. This is an awesome place to supplement your recovery - and there is always hope and help.
(((Hugs))) - you are not alone...
Welcome. I do agree practicing program is hard but so is dealing with the disease of alcoholism using our old destructive thinking. Glad that you decided to read your literature and get out of your head.
I have heard it said that when:" I am in my head I am behind enemy lines " and it is so true .
Keep coming back here as well as there is hope and help.
Hi 8after12! Glad to have you here with us. Alcoholism is a family disease that affects everyone it comes into contact with at some level. It's nice to see that you're looking for help for the only one you have control over- you. Keep working on you. Keep coming here and sharing. More will be revealed.
Positive thoughts and prayers for your family.