hello. i'm very new to al-anon, but grateful i've found this organization.
i went to my 6th meeting today. afterwards, a woman beside me started to chit chat with me. she started off friendly and welcomed me to the group, but then started asking personal questions. she asked my profession and i said i had recently returned to school to get a master's. she said, "you know what b.s. stands for, right? well a master's is just master b.s." i made a face like i was shocked and she said, "Oh it's just humor, you have to use humor in recovery."
i was upset about the comment for a while, considering that the return to school has been a difficult and expensive choice. now that i type her words, the comment seems just ridiculous and unwarranted.
is it common for people to ask personal questions after meetings? was this woman out-of-line? can i return to the group and just ignore her?
thank you.
jml2424 said
Nov 2, 2016
That's good advice, thank you.
hotrod said
Nov 2, 2016
Welcome JML , It sounds as if the meeting was probably run according to alanon principles.
The after meeting chit chat that you experienced is not unusual as, after meeting chatting sometimes does get confusing. Members attempt to connect on a more intimate level and it becomes uncomfortable.
In the beginning, I did not participate in after meeting conversations as i was not comfortable with the exchanges. I would often say I want to remain anonymous and do not want to discuss my job or family. That worked
jml2424 said
Nov 2, 2016
great idea, thank you.
sarahGee said
Nov 3, 2016
No. It's not. There are all kinds of people from all walks of life. You may grow to appreciate her and her humour over time. She was probably just trying to make you feel comfortable in her own way.
It has taken some getting used to, my own al Anon group.
In our own social setting, we can control the 'type' of people we want to be around.
Al Anon is different. But I've grown to appreciate it. The people that I don't quite understand, I am using my new found knowledge to explore why it is that they make me uncomfortable.
Keep going. Everyone has something to teach us!
hotrod said
Nov 3, 2016
I believe in alanon we are asked to leave our titles (what we are in our lives) outside the rooms so as to to discover"who " we are. that is why alanon is anonymous.
If I am not comfortable with the conversations going on because they are off alanon principles i am free to say so. That is what makes program so enriching. I can practice my program tools with program people and grow
Iamhere said
Nov 3, 2016
jlm2424 - welcome to MIP. So glad that you found us and glad that you joined right in and shared. I am sorry that you were uncomfortable with the 'mini meeting after the meeting' ... I would agree that it's not necessarily normal. I have also been asked very pointed questions before, and was caught off guard. I do not have the grace of Betty above, but aspire to!!! I am quite certain that I instead in the beginning blurted out something like, "I am surprised you asked that!!!"
The program did help me to say what I mean, mean what I say and not say it mean....I very recently had a new member who interrupted my share suggesting she could help me deal with the sadness I have for a friend who's battling cancer. It caught me off guard as it was during the meeting, during my share and was just so unexpected. I lost my train of thought and basically just said No Thank You and then passed.
I have to remind myself always that some are sicker than others, and we're all there because we're not all here!!
Please keep coming back - there is tons of hope and help in recovery. I too enjoy the fellowship, growing, changing and learning and even these types of situations teach me.
Glad you are here!
jml2424 said
Nov 3, 2016
thank you, that's helpful.
Mattie said
Nov 4, 2016
That would have taken me aback. My helpful therapist once suggested that when people make joky cutting remarks, I might reply, in a friendly way, "I'm not sure what your point is exactly?" So they could either explain/clarify or face their critical approach. I have to confess I haven't done this, but the idea that I could sometimes makes me calmer!
jml2424 said
Nov 4, 2016
thank you, this helps.
Sportgear said
Nov 4, 2016
Jml, I understand how you feel whend it comes to accomplishments. Once I told my story to a group, it included my successes in life. I.mentioned I had worked in the space program for a while and many other interesting programs. I was grateful for having done that. Later one of the people from that meeting told me I had an inflated ego.....WTF? I saw green all over his face....envy. you will find that among members.
hello. i'm very new to al-anon, but grateful i've found this organization.
i went to my 6th meeting today. afterwards, a woman beside me started to chit chat with me. she started off friendly and welcomed me to the group, but then started asking personal questions. she asked my profession and i said i had recently returned to school to get a master's. she said, "you know what b.s. stands for, right? well a master's is just master b.s." i made a face like i was shocked and she said, "Oh it's just humor, you have to use humor in recovery."
i was upset about the comment for a while, considering that the return to school has been a difficult and expensive choice. now that i type her words, the comment seems just ridiculous and unwarranted.
is it common for people to ask personal questions after meetings? was this woman out-of-line? can i return to the group and just ignore her?
thank you.
That's good advice, thank you.
The after meeting chit chat that you experienced is not unusual as, after meeting chatting sometimes does get confusing. Members attempt to connect on a more intimate level and it becomes uncomfortable.
In the beginning, I did not participate in after meeting conversations as i was not comfortable with the exchanges. I would often say I want to remain anonymous and do not want to discuss my job or family. That worked
great idea, thank you.
If I am not comfortable with the conversations going on because they are off alanon principles i am free to say so. That is what makes program so enriching. I can practice my program tools with program people and grow
The program did help me to say what I mean, mean what I say and not say it mean....I very recently had a new member who interrupted my share suggesting she could help me deal with the sadness I have for a friend who's battling cancer. It caught me off guard as it was during the meeting, during my share and was just so unexpected. I lost my train of thought and basically just said No Thank You and then passed.
I have to remind myself always that some are sicker than others, and we're all there because we're not all here!!
Please keep coming back - there is tons of hope and help in recovery. I too enjoy the fellowship, growing, changing and learning and even these types of situations teach me.
Glad you are here!
thank you, that's helpful.
That would have taken me aback. My helpful therapist once suggested that when people make joky cutting remarks, I might reply, in a friendly way, "I'm not sure what your point is exactly?" So they could either explain/clarify or face their critical approach. I have to confess I haven't done this, but the idea that I could sometimes makes me calmer!
thank you, this helps.
good to know, thank you