I am still so numb and angry. The AFB went and got drunk. Expected that. He was sober for 3 months. He just went and got drunk Saterday night. Then he phoned his ex-wife who was happy to pick him up and he was gone all night till 8 am with her. I am numb and angry that he would just take off with his ex-wife and spend the night wit her. I am still so angry as this sick game continues. I am what the heck is wrong with me for tolerating this behavior. Do I not deserve better. I must be just as sick as him for tolerating this behavior. This is a man who claims to love me and as soon as he gets drinks into him, he takes of with his ex-wife. I am so angry at myself for putting up with his BS. When he is sober he has no contact with her but the moment he gets drinking he is on the phone with her. I feel betrayed and used by him. Yet I keep saying, she got the drunk version of him and I am just feeling like crap that I am allowing this jerk to hold my emotions captive. I feel so angry and hurt. The trust is gone and I keep allowing myself to be treated like crap. I am just as sick as him. I am angry and so hurt. I have to get help for myself and know that I am worth it. Not this second hand crap. I am just devastated.
Mirandac said
Nov 1, 2016
Do whats In your best interest and take care
of yourself. Sending you a warm healing hug
Fooled said
Nov 1, 2016
Its been my experience that Alcoholics tend to go with people that they don't have to hide their disease from. Who would best know than an Ex? Take care of you
starcatcher2 said
Nov 1, 2016
joker wrote:
I am still so numb and angry. The AFB went and got drunk. Expected that. He was sober for 3 months. He just went and got drunk Saterday night. Then he phoned his ex-wife who was happy to pick him up and he was gone all night till 8 am with her. I am numb and angry that he would just take off with his ex-wife and spend the night wit her. I am still so angry as this sick game continues. I am what the heck is wrong with me for tolerating this behavior. Do I not deserve better. I must be just as sick as him for tolerating this behavior. This is a man who claims to love me and as soon as he gets drinks into him, he takes of with his ex-wife. I am so angry at myself for putting up with his BS. When he is sober he has no contact with her but the moment he gets drinking he is on the phone with her. I feel betrayed and used by him. Yet I keep saying, she got the drunk version of him and I am just feeling like crap that I am allowing this jerk to hold my emotions captive. I feel so angry and hurt. The trust is gone and I keep allowing myself to be treated like crap. I am just as sick as him. I am angry and so hurt. I have to get help for myself and know that I am worth it. Not this second hand crap. I am just devastated.
Hi Joker,
Oh can I sympathize with YOU! I have been in a similar situation with my ABF. The drinks come out and so do the inappropriate texts, searches on VARIOUS porn sites, emails etc.
I can tell you from my experience I got tired of trying to figure out why he being a certain way towards me. I started going to therapy. I need to find out why I tolerate such behavior knowing good and well I deserve SO MUCH BETTER. I know that my love can't be everything to make me stay with someone. The connection, and trust has to be there too. Right now I am in therapy to try and figure that out. At the end of the day I may decide to leave who knows, but right now I need to focus on me. He has taken enough of me. I look in the mirror and I don't even know who I am anymore.
I hope you find your voice. Be it in therapy or face to face Al-Anon meetings.
Sending you a BIG HUG
Iamhere said
Nov 1, 2016
(((Joker))) - so sorry for your pain! I'm sending you prayers and positive thoughts. My best suggestion is to pick back up or pick up more program tools and keep your focus on you. You are being really tough on you, so try to go a bit easy. There is no shame in giving 2nd chances to people we love. There is no shame in loving an alcoholic. There is no shame in staying/leaving an alcoholic.
Each time my son(s) would relapse, I also turned inward. I wondered why it happened, what I did wrong, etc....it truly has nothing to do with us. It's about them and their disease/demons. It doesn't hurt any less, but today, I can be sad with my self-esteem in place. Each time they went out, I kicked my program into higher gear as I did not want to drop down that rabbit hole with them again.
We're here for you - one moment at a time - keep coming back!
Mattie said
Nov 1, 2016
I have been in this place. You decided to touch the stove again to see if it's still hot. I imagine every single one of us has done that. And yes indeed, it's still hot. Now you know.
Now comes the important part: taking the actions to protect yourself, to keep yourself from having to suffer this pain again. Working out the plan and the way forward. You have the strength and the courage. One step at a time. Hang in there!
SerenityRUS said
Nov 1, 2016
My ex did a similar dance with the first wife .. He wanted someone who didn't hold him accountable and would give him the feel goods. I hope you are continuing with your own healing and letting him do him. The reality is he's shown you who he is at the moment .. Believe him. I had to start watching actions and stop focusing on words. Anyone can say they love you .. Love is a verb.. It is an action word. Out sounds like he's got things to work through and so do you. Hugs.
lookingup said
Nov 1, 2016
Hi Joker,sorry your having to feel the effects of this devastating desease ,what helped me the most was id dive deeper into my recovery ,12 steps and alanon lit,seemed I'd learn more also when going through a crisis sit.......remember your not alone..........hugs and love lu
I am still so numb and angry. The AFB went and got drunk. Expected that. He was sober for 3 months. He just went and got drunk Saterday night. Then he phoned his ex-wife who was happy to pick him up and he was gone all night till 8 am with her. I am numb and angry that he would just take off with his ex-wife and spend the night wit her. I am still so angry as this sick game continues. I am what the heck is wrong with me for tolerating this behavior. Do I not deserve better. I must be just as sick as him for tolerating this behavior. This is a man who claims to love me and as soon as he gets drinks into him, he takes of with his ex-wife. I am so angry at myself for putting up with his BS. When he is sober he has no contact with her but the moment he gets drinking he is on the phone with her. I feel betrayed and used by him. Yet I keep saying, she got the drunk version of him and I am just feeling like crap that I am allowing this jerk to hold my emotions captive. I feel so angry and hurt. The trust is gone and I keep allowing myself to be treated like crap. I am just as sick as him. I am angry and so hurt. I have to get help for myself and know that I am worth it. Not this second hand crap. I am just devastated.
of yourself. Sending you a warm healing hug
Hi Joker,
Oh can I sympathize with YOU! I have been in a similar situation with my ABF. The drinks come out and so do the inappropriate texts, searches on VARIOUS porn sites, emails etc.
I can tell you from my experience I got tired of trying to figure out why he being a certain way towards me. I started going to therapy. I need to find out why I tolerate such behavior knowing good and well I deserve SO MUCH BETTER. I know that my love can't be everything to make me stay with someone. The connection, and trust has to be there too. Right now I am in therapy to try and figure that out. At the end of the day I may decide to leave who knows, but right now I need to focus on me. He has taken enough of me. I look in the mirror and I don't even know who I am anymore.
I hope you find your voice. Be it in therapy or face to face Al-Anon meetings.
Sending you a BIG HUG
Each time my son(s) would relapse, I also turned inward. I wondered why it happened, what I did wrong, etc....it truly has nothing to do with us. It's about them and their disease/demons. It doesn't hurt any less, but today, I can be sad with my self-esteem in place. Each time they went out, I kicked my program into higher gear as I did not want to drop down that rabbit hole with them again.
We're here for you - one moment at a time - keep coming back!
I have been in this place. You decided to touch the stove again to see if it's still hot. I imagine every single one of us has done that. And yes indeed, it's still hot. Now you know.
Now comes the important part: taking the actions to protect yourself, to keep yourself from having to suffer this pain again. Working out the plan and the way forward. You have the strength and the courage. One step at a time. Hang in there!