My bf is home from rehab and is doing well. He seems to have accepted aa and all it is he must continue to do, which for him, is amazing. When he went in he was so against the whole idea of aa, the "cult" aspect and the references to god etc. but he is going to his meetings, doing his outpatient therapy, meditations etc and seems to have accepted all of what he learned. I, on the other hand, being the codependent I am, am struggling with some of it. I do not know how to accept this idea of a higher power. Yet I am a very faithful person (not religious in any way), I believe in fate and things we cannot see, prove etc, much more the he ever did. but the idea I can give up some of my fears and control to this higher power is hard for me. How did you all do This? When did you know you had succeeded in doing so, and how did you know who or what your higher power was? I'm sure I'm being to literal in the definition of it, but I want to get this, I believe in it, I just don't know how to get there..I had zero religious uprbringing so that may be a reason I'm struggling, but like I said I have a lot of faith in my own God, whatever that is, but that doesn't feel like a good fit for being my higher power...thanks for your help!
MissM said
Nov 1, 2016
I didn't really know what i believed about a higher power definitively until I worked through the first couple of steps and what I found was, I don't believe in God in any sort of traditional way and that's just fine and hasn't hampered my ability to work this program at all. I settled upon understanding my higher power as a wiser, more capable aspect of my self; sort of like an over-soul perhaps? You know how you can sometimes do things really well on auto-pilot but when you start to think about them you stop being able to do them as well? I figure that 'autopilot" is my HP taking control and she's really very good at it when i let her do what she wants to do instead of trying to enforce my "thinking" on her. Because a lot of this program works like that; over-thinking and trying to control things holds us back in many ways and recognising that letting go and letting "god" take care of things that are beyond our control works much better. Is there a seperate benevolent entity that created the universe or hears prayers or any of that stuff? Perhaps; I have no idea. My higher power probably knows the answer to that and so I leave the talking to God (or not) to them....lol.
I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else but it works for me and allows me to practice the principals of the program easily without struggling to make myself believe in something that just doesn't ring true for me.
I know athiest AA members who work a good program with no trouble; theres no requirement to have a religious belief. Some people use the program itself, or the fellowship as their higher power. It's whatever works for you; whatever you can comfortably put your faith in and surrender control to.
I'd suggest jumping in and working the early steps and seeing where you end up on the subject; for me it was a really interesting experience to be honest
-- Edited by MissM on Tuesday 1st of November 2016 01:48:55 AM
Desperateinnyc said
Nov 1, 2016
Thanks, I get what you're saying, almost like a conscience of sorts..l do have that part of me that is wise and all knowing lol, but I don't always allow it to rule..maybe I can give that a try..thanks for your response!
hotrod said
Nov 1, 2016
Hi Desperate i too had difficulty with the concept of a Higher Power so that I used the principles and tools of alanon as that Power for many years and it worked out well. The program gave me permission to define my own HP in Step 3 and directed that I could turn my will and life over as I choose . I decided that I could use the principles of alanon, because I could see that it worked . I could meditate on the slogans and the serenity prayer because they calmed me etc.
During the many years in progam, I have redefined my HP and am pleased that I have found a very powerful HP who exhibits the same love, compassion wisdom as this program. Keep coming back.
Iamhere said
Nov 1, 2016
I struggled as well in recovery. I was raised with organized religion and had walked away from that a long while before I came to recovery. Based on how I heard the teachings, I was doomed and condemned to an after-life of fire in hell. So - I fought for a while and it was repeated to me over and over and over again that we are asked to just 'believe in a power greater than ourselves.'
Like Betty, I used the program, meetings, fellowship, etc. From my first meeting until today, every single one leaves me feeling better, calm or relieved. So - it made sense that the program has the ability to set aside self, and that's the goal of this step - leaving behind self-will and believing in the will of a higher power.
Over time, my concept has evolved and I use the term God just because it's easier. I do believe there is a power greater than I, and I pray, meditate, listen to speakers and have come to be touched deeply by Christian Rock. It's been a gift to be open, be open to change, be open to living spiritually. I now consider myself spiritual, not religious. My place of worship and praise is every where and I believe I am never alone. When I feel sad, lonely, fearful, I lean in and know that most likely, it's my self-will trying to raise up again.
I spent more time than necessary getting hung up on this step/concept. Finally someone told me I didn't have to have to perfectly define my HP to progress and grow in recovery - just believe there is a power great than me, my will, my way!
Great topic - thanks for starting the discussion...
Taraxacum said
Nov 1, 2016
The wisdom of my alanon group is my restorative higher power - love my home group and this forum. I already think of nature as a teacher too and look to metaphors and poetry to help me see and understand my life in new, healthier ways.
I'm opening my mind too and currently reading a book by a zen monk - taking what I like and leaving the rest.
sarahGee said
Nov 1, 2016
I am not religious either. I can understand how so many struggle with the idea of a higher power. Especially for those of us who were raised in religious homes. The idea of God was so clearly defined for us, we had no opportunity to understand it any other way. I cringed at the idea of entering a program that mentioned "God" as a part of it's recovery plan.
For me, I look at it as energy. I believe in the idea of Karma. You put good out, you get good back. You put bad out, you get bad back.
I believe HP is that voice that directs me.
Al Anon has allowed me to clear up so much of the gunk in my head so that I can listen to that voice better. Since I've been listening better, I've been making better choices (90% of them involve me shutting my mouth!) and have felt overwhelming peace in my heart as a result. As I continue in my recovery, that peace and calm grows greater each day. That is how I know I've succeeded in finding my HP.
When tough situations come up - and there are many - I sit and listen. I ask that voice for guidance. If I don't get an answer, I've learned my answer is to be patient. All is answered at some point.
I can not stop bad things from happening around me. But I can control myself through them. Because my own decision making isn't so good, I had to learn how to turn it over to a power greater than myself. The greater good.
Fooled said
Nov 1, 2016
I came from an organized strict religious background but wasn't practicing at the time I entered recovery, soon after my HP did become God, because of the situations that surrounded my entering into recovery.
When my RAH first came out of rehab he had named our dog his Higher Power because obviously he, my husband, wasn't doing any better than our dog would.
A higher power is someone that you can surrender this stuff to. Mine is God because the scriptures are my life code book, they give me the ability to have a set of rules to go by. I need the security of that. It works for me.
Junenine said
Nov 1, 2016
i appreciated this post of yours as i struggle with the same thing. my ABF just got out of rehab as well and (thank god! ha!) is working his program. i have a vague sense of HP, but it's very vague. i grew up without religion and feel spiritual but not religious. which i feel is fine for this program. i've come across people in meetings and as potential sponsors who i find very rigid in this regard (insisting on talking about Jesus or placing on me their own conceptions about HP, or even telling me they wouldn't sponsor an atheist... HUH?!!... and I'm also in NYC where anything goes, so i really don't get that way of thinking) ... but i've read enough to know that is not the true spirit and intention of the program. so as of now, i see HP as a kind of universal force, or Nature. i enjoy buddhist philosophy and readings but i don't naturally see a/the Buddha as my HP, either. so i guess i see it as a universal positive force that is driven by wanting the best for all of us, one that includes the concept of karma, etc.
work in progress, for sure.
Bethany66 said
Nov 1, 2016
Boy-oh-boy this topic is poignant for me. I am working through the book Al-Anon's Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions along with a workbook and I just worked through step 3 yesterday and it made me really stop and think hard about my Higher Power. I thought I had it nailed because I grew up in a Christian home (Non denominational) and married once to a Catholic and the second time to a believer in the Bible and God, but with a much different take on things. I realize as I am working through understanding the steps that I have never really understood for myself what my HP was and I certainly never really trusted my life to a HP. I need now to step back and really see how this is going to be for me. I thought I was just going to power through this at lightening speed knowing what I know, but now I have to wonder, what do I really know?! I do believe in a power greater than myself, as a loving, creative being. But when I got to step three, I realized by this line of the book, that there was more...
" I will keep in mind that the relationship I have with God does not mean merely asking for help, but know it is there and accepting it."
BOOM!! That was where I got the ligh tbulb moment!
And then it says:
"Until I have established a relationship with a Higher Power, I may miss many of the obvious solutions to my difficulties".
So this is a process for all of us, to find that right relationship with a power greater than ourselves. I think it is a thrilling learning process.
e_i_m said
Nov 1, 2016
I've heard people in meetings describe their changing view of what HP is. Mine also changes - sometimes it's the universe, sometimes it's love, sometimes it's something else -- for me the important thing is that it's not me. I'm not in control of the world and when I let go of that illusion, I find so much peace. I like the idea that Iamhere said about the steps being the HP -- that works for me, too. Again, it's a one day at a time thing and knowing it can and probaly will change, helps me. I'm reading a self-help book called "The Universe has your Back" right now -- it's got a lot of 12-step wisdom.
pinkchip said
Nov 1, 2016
Good feedback already. This is about letting go of things you cannot control. If you believe in fate and powers greater than you at work, when you identify things that you fear but are not under you control, pray to your HP for strength and then "let go." Don't live in fear when you know things are going to happen however they are gonna happen...
Desperateinnyc said
Nov 1, 2016
Thanks for all your responses..please tell me if you at any point, while trying to accept this idea, of higher power, and not being in control of your universe in all ways..if it didn't feel in some way like a cop out? Or as a way to say, not my fault, and sort of shirk responsibility for certain things that happen in your life? That's where I find trouble with accepting this idea..
pinkchip said
Nov 1, 2016
Take the serenity prayer...
God (or HP) grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference.
If it was only the first line...it could be a copout. But we also do need to change the things we can. You gain wisdom to know the difference through experience, effort, working the steps, meetings, meditation and get better at the balance
-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 1st of November 2016 08:22:44 PM
Fooled said
Nov 1, 2016
Being able to surrender to a higher power was difficult for me at first just because of the very nature of the word surrender. To give up. To admit defeat. Through recovery and working the steps and for me talking with God and reading the scriptures allowed me to come to terms with surrendering. As in to totally trust in someone/thing that has the power. Being able to ride to top of the roller coaster and throw your hands in the air and know you are going to be ok because your higher power has control. In fact just the opposite of a cop out its more freedom, you don't have to worry about this anymore because someone else has it.
Mercury said
Nov 2, 2016
This is definitely a topic that I have thought about lately. I was at a meeting recently where I read step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. I stopped at the word "Him". I personally don't perceive God as being gender based so I literally took pause when I came to the word Him. I just looked at it on the paper and thought "how about if I say "it" - or just the word "God" again. Hmm...maybe that's not a good idea because I was asked to read this, not interpret it". I just found it a little puzzling as to why the step qualifies God via gender when I know that it is open to everyone's own belief of what God is. I believe God is love and God is the part of all of us that know what is right and chooses to do the right thing for ourselves and others. There is no gender involved for me. I completely accept that others have different views. It's just that having been abused by men ("hims") who believed that their words and actions were God like, reading that bothered me. If it's open to interpretation then it shouldn't be qualified at the same time. I will accept that I cannot change this though. It was just a bit of a head scratcher...
My bf is home from rehab and is doing well. He seems to have accepted aa and all it is he must continue to do, which for him, is amazing. When he went in he was so against the whole idea of aa, the "cult" aspect and the references to god etc. but he is going to his meetings, doing his outpatient therapy, meditations etc and seems to have accepted all of what he learned. I, on the other hand, being the codependent I am, am struggling with some of it. I do not know how to accept this idea of a higher power. Yet I am a very faithful person (not religious in any way), I believe in fate and things we cannot see, prove etc, much more the he ever did. but the idea I can give up some of my fears and control to this higher power is hard for me. How did you all do This? When did you know you had succeeded in doing so, and how did you know who or what your higher power was? I'm sure I'm being to literal in the definition of it, but I want to get this, I believe in it, I just don't know how to get there..I had zero religious uprbringing so that may be a reason I'm struggling, but like I said I have a lot of faith in my own God, whatever that is, but that doesn't feel like a good fit for being my higher power...thanks for your help!
I didn't really know what i believed about a higher power definitively until I worked through the first couple of steps and what I found was, I don't believe in God in any sort of traditional way and that's just fine and hasn't hampered my ability to work this program at all.
I settled upon understanding my higher power as a wiser, more capable aspect of my self; sort of like an over-soul perhaps? You know how you can sometimes do things really well on auto-pilot but when you start to think about them you stop being able to do them as well? I figure that 'autopilot" is my HP taking control and she's really very good at it when i let her do what she wants to do instead of trying to enforce my "thinking" on her. Because a lot of this program works like that; over-thinking and trying to control things holds us back in many ways and recognising that letting go and letting "god" take care of things that are beyond our control works much better.
Is there a seperate benevolent entity that created the universe or hears prayers or any of that stuff? Perhaps; I have no idea. My higher power probably knows the answer to that and so I leave the talking to God (or not) to them....lol.
I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else but it works for me and allows me to practice the principals of the program easily without struggling to make myself believe in something that just doesn't ring true for me.
I know athiest AA members who work a good program with no trouble; theres no requirement to have a religious belief. Some people use the program itself, or the fellowship as their higher power. It's whatever works for you; whatever you can comfortably put your faith in and surrender control to.
I'd suggest jumping in and working the early steps and seeing where you end up on the subject; for me it was a really interesting experience to be honest
-- Edited by MissM on Tuesday 1st of November 2016 01:48:55 AM
Hi Desperate i too had difficulty with the concept of a Higher Power so that I used the principles and tools of alanon as that Power for many years and it worked out well.
The program gave me permission to define my own HP in Step 3 and directed that I could turn my will and life over as I choose . I decided that I could use the principles of alanon, because I could see that it worked . I could meditate on the slogans and the serenity prayer because they calmed me etc.
During the many years in progam, I have redefined my HP and am pleased that I have found a very powerful HP who exhibits the same love, compassion wisdom as this program.
Keep coming back.
Like Betty, I used the program, meetings, fellowship, etc. From my first meeting until today, every single one leaves me feeling better, calm or relieved. So - it made sense that the program has the ability to set aside self, and that's the goal of this step - leaving behind self-will and believing in the will of a higher power.
Over time, my concept has evolved and I use the term God just because it's easier. I do believe there is a power greater than I, and I pray, meditate, listen to speakers and have come to be touched deeply by Christian Rock. It's been a gift to be open, be open to change, be open to living spiritually. I now consider myself spiritual, not religious. My place of worship and praise is every where and I believe I am never alone. When I feel sad, lonely, fearful, I lean in and know that most likely, it's my self-will trying to raise up again.
I spent more time than necessary getting hung up on this step/concept. Finally someone told me I didn't have to have to perfectly define my HP to progress and grow in recovery - just believe there is a power great than me, my will, my way!
Great topic - thanks for starting the discussion...
I'm opening my mind too and currently reading a book by a zen monk - taking what I like and leaving the rest.
For me, I look at it as energy. I believe in the idea of Karma. You put good out, you get good back. You put bad out, you get bad back.
I believe HP is that voice that directs me.
Al Anon has allowed me to clear up so much of the gunk in my head so that I can listen to that voice better. Since I've been listening better, I've been making better choices (90% of them involve me shutting my mouth!) and have felt overwhelming peace in my heart as a result. As I continue in my recovery, that peace and calm grows greater each day. That is how I know I've succeeded in finding my HP.
When tough situations come up - and there are many - I sit and listen. I ask that voice for guidance. If I don't get an answer, I've learned my answer is to be patient. All is answered at some point.
I can not stop bad things from happening around me. But I can control myself through them. Because my own decision making isn't so good, I had to learn how to turn it over to a power greater than myself. The greater good.
When my RAH first came out of rehab he had named our dog his Higher Power because obviously he, my husband, wasn't doing any better than our dog would.
A higher power is someone that you can surrender this stuff to. Mine is God because the scriptures are my life code book, they give me the ability to have a set of rules to go by. I need the security of that. It works for me.
i appreciated this post of yours as i struggle with the same thing. my ABF just got out of rehab as well and (thank god! ha!) is working his program. i have a vague sense of HP, but it's very vague. i grew up without religion and feel spiritual but not religious. which i feel is fine for this program. i've come across people in meetings and as potential sponsors who i find very rigid in this regard (insisting on talking about Jesus or placing on me their own conceptions about HP, or even telling me they wouldn't sponsor an atheist... HUH?!!... and I'm also in NYC where anything goes, so i really don't get that way of thinking) ... but i've read enough to know that is not the true spirit and intention of the program. so as of now, i see HP as a kind of universal force, or Nature. i enjoy buddhist philosophy and readings but i don't naturally see a/the Buddha as my HP, either. so i guess i see it as a universal positive force that is driven by wanting the best for all of us, one that includes the concept of karma, etc.
work in progress, for sure.
" I will keep in mind that the relationship I have with God does not mean merely asking for help, but know it is there and accepting it."
BOOM!! That was where I got the ligh tbulb moment!
And then it says:
"Until I have established a relationship with a Higher Power, I may miss many of the obvious solutions to my difficulties".
So this is a process for all of us, to find that right relationship with a power greater than ourselves. I think it is a thrilling learning process.
Take the serenity prayer...
God (or HP) grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
If it was only the first line...it could be a copout. But we also do need to change the things we can. You gain wisdom to know the difference through experience, effort, working the steps, meetings, meditation and get better at the balance
-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 1st of November 2016 08:22:44 PM