So, one is white knuckling semi-sobriety. Refuses meetings after going to one a week ago. Still smoking pot, but very little. The other twin has his first pre-trial probation check tomorrow and he's AWOL. Left the house today at 2pm and no one has seen him since. He is with a friend and the friend has been sending strange cryptic messages to my third son hinting at leaving the state/country. It's 26 degrees out. The missing son is autistic and functions at about the age of a 10 year old. He is delusional illogical and can't take care of himself. He can't read social cues and even at 18, cannot safely cross the street by himself. His verbal skills are age appropriate but his ADLs, reasoning and social skills are that of a 5th grader. I was hoping for an ok sleep tonight, but I will now spend the rest of the night hours trying to detach and try to stave off a full blown panic attack. I'm tired of living (t)his nightmare.