60 percent of alcoholics do not have a family history
Lucy125 said
Oct 29, 2016
I did not grow up in an alcoholic home. We had our problems and levels of not facing reality, but it was not an alcoholic home. I believe that my dad's brother had a drinking problem. In fact, my dad told my brother, you drink too much. Of course my brother cut him out of his life after that, and demonized him.
I believe that excessive pride is just as bad as not having any pride. Both of those things make us think we are God or HP as you call him. I am trying really hard to turn things over to HP. I had no self esteem and no pride at all. I tried to become godlike so that I could control all these things around me. We are not HP. I am really struggling with that.
pinkchip said
Oct 29, 2016
I don't hear struggle. I hear you working on developing insight and surrendering old ideas to allow a new and improved version of self to emerge. No, it's not easy, but it's recovery and it's inspiring. Be good to yourself and keep up the work!
-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 29th of October 2016 03:09:19 PM
hotrod said
Oct 29, 2016
((Anne)) Simply keep on keeping on. Progress not perfection is what we seek.
Jerry F said
Oct 29, 2016
Lucy continue to read the posts here from the experiences of others and that number will change. My college studies on alcoholism and drug addiction was focuses on the genetic predisposition within the disease and with discovery the evidence of family history made the margin grow. So often numbers like this are brought about thru denial. I know mine did. I couldn't even spell the word alcohol, alcoholic and alcoholism because I just didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know. Today I know and know a lot which tells me "its okay...its a disease and not a moral issue". I have 37 years of being alcohol free and that's okay while my 50 year old recently relapsed eldest son is wandering around somewhere very very lost while his family is a shambles and a daughter is trying to figure out which way is up and her alcoholic/addict significant male other is trying to make sense of stuff. They are on the other side of the 60 percent.
Keep and open mind and you will find help. (from the closing statement of the Al-Anon Family Groups face to face meetings). Keep coming back. In support (((Hugs)))
Lucy125 said
Oct 29, 2016
Okay this is just my opinion. I'll give an example. Some people do not like taste of alcohol or the effects. At a party, that person might drink 1/2 a beer and pour the rest out in a potted plant. Other people like the taste and can drink massive amounts and they do not feel anything or they like the way it feels. The second person has a genetic predisposition to become an alcoholic.
The other piece is a psychological problem. When people with psychological problems are growing up, they are not taken care of and learn poor coping skills. Some of those people turn to compulsive behaviors, like shopping, eating too much, pill popping, meth... whatever. If that person also happens to have a high tolerance for alcohol, they have a high probability of becoming an alcoholic. Now if that person had learned good coping skills and was raised in a mentally stable home, they would have never become an alcoholic, compulsive shopper or over eater.
Moral of the story: you can't help your genes, but you can help your children be psychologically stable.
a4l said
Oct 30, 2016
I love how you explained that JerryF all of it.
Thanks for the example of loving patience.
Iamhere said
Oct 30, 2016
I agree - great share Jerry! I can say that many don't know about their gene pool and addiction....had I not gone seeking in my own recovery, I would not have know the disease existed actively in both my grandfathers. My parents, probably because of their own pain as well as their own efforts to break the cycle never spoke of it.
My findings came about from other sources. I suspect with the denial and the deception that the disease brings, I am not unique in this. I am one who will not be held hostage to anything when there are other options. I'd rather confront the disease, and manage the issues as I can. However, I learned in recovery that we are all different. Many in recovery still seek to place blame on their genes, their qualifiers, their parents, etc. For me, as long as I held blame/shame in my heart, I could not move forward and forgive - myself and others.
Seeking knowledge and information for growth purposes is good in my program. Seeking knowledge and information to place blame is counterproductive to my recovery. It took me a long time to accept and practice this.
Lucy125 said
Oct 30, 2016
Thanks for that. I see alcohol as a quagmire that people get stuck in. Blaming will not help us get out of the quagmire. I have been honest with the relatives. I told them all the truth of what happened. THank God the stigma is greatly reduced and there's a lot of help around. I could be wrong, but I think I shall just tell the truth when people ask what happened. If people want to shame us, oh well, I don't care.
maryjane said
Oct 30, 2016
I did my AH's family tree. Wow, what a bunch of alcoholics. Not every one of them, of course. But it was part of their culture.... more than that.... they loved their culture and wouldn't change a thing of it.
I was raised in a non-alcoholic family. We were in a religion where there was no culture of alcohol. My parents had a toast of wine with their friends on New Year's Eve and that was the extent of it. I remember my mom talking about a "funny uncle" once. The family made a choice not to have alcohol around. If there is no alcohol, there is no alcoholism. But the genes were still there. My brother was drinking a qt. of whiskey every day when he died of a heart attack. My other brother drank a lot before he had his heart problems and still can't make a clean break even though he is an LVAD patient (computer operated heart). I am lucky that I don't have the thirst for it and don't like most of it. But the genes are there and that is what I teach my daughters and my grandchildren. No blame, no shame, just the biological facts. We also have the "lousy heart" gene. No blame, no shame about that either.
I did not grow up in an alcoholic home. We had our problems and levels of not facing reality, but it was not an alcoholic home. I believe that my dad's brother had a drinking problem. In fact, my dad told my brother, you drink too much. Of course my brother cut him out of his life after that, and demonized him.
I believe that excessive pride is just as bad as not having any pride. Both of those things make us think we are God or HP as you call him. I am trying really hard to turn things over to HP. I had no self esteem and no pride at all. I tried to become godlike so that I could control all these things around me. We are not HP. I am really struggling with that.
I don't hear struggle. I hear you working on developing insight and surrendering old ideas to allow a new and improved version of self to emerge. No, it's not easy, but it's recovery and it's inspiring. Be good to yourself and keep up the work!
-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 29th of October 2016 03:09:19 PM
Lucy continue to read the posts here from the experiences of others and that number will change. My college studies on alcoholism and drug addiction was focuses on the genetic predisposition within the disease and with discovery the evidence of family history made the margin grow. So often numbers like this are brought about thru denial. I know mine did. I couldn't even spell the word alcohol, alcoholic and alcoholism because I just didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know. Today I know and know a lot which tells me "its okay...its a disease and not a moral issue". I have 37 years of being alcohol free and that's okay while my 50 year old recently relapsed eldest son is wandering around somewhere very very lost while his family is a shambles and a daughter is trying to figure out which way is up and her alcoholic/addict significant male other is trying to make sense of stuff. They are on the other side of the 60 percent.
Keep and open mind and you will find help. (from the closing statement of the Al-Anon Family Groups face to face meetings). Keep coming back. In support (((Hugs)))
Okay this is just my opinion. I'll give an example. Some people do not like taste of alcohol or the effects. At a party, that person might drink 1/2 a beer and pour the rest out in a potted plant. Other people like the taste and can drink massive amounts and they do not feel anything or they like the way it feels. The second person has a genetic predisposition to become an alcoholic.
The other piece is a psychological problem. When people with psychological problems are growing up, they are not taken care of and learn poor coping skills. Some of those people turn to compulsive behaviors, like shopping, eating too much, pill popping, meth... whatever. If that person also happens to have a high tolerance for alcohol, they have a high probability of becoming an alcoholic. Now if that person had learned good coping skills and was raised in a mentally stable home, they would have never become an alcoholic, compulsive shopper or over eater.
Moral of the story: you can't help your genes, but you can help your children be psychologically stable.
My findings came about from other sources. I suspect with the denial and the deception that the disease brings, I am not unique in this. I am one who will not be held hostage to anything when there are other options. I'd rather confront the disease, and manage the issues as I can. However, I learned in recovery that we are all different. Many in recovery still seek to place blame on their genes, their qualifiers, their parents, etc. For me, as long as I held blame/shame in my heart, I could not move forward and forgive - myself and others.
Seeking knowledge and information for growth purposes is good in my program. Seeking knowledge and information to place blame is counterproductive to my recovery. It took me a long time to accept and practice this.
Thanks for that. I see alcohol as a quagmire that people get stuck in. Blaming will not help us get out of the quagmire. I have been honest with the relatives. I told them all the truth of what happened. THank God the stigma is greatly reduced and there's a lot of help around. I could be wrong, but I think I shall just tell the truth when people ask what happened. If people want to shame us, oh well, I don't care.
I was raised in a non-alcoholic family. We were in a religion where there was no culture of alcohol. My parents had a toast of wine with their friends on New Year's Eve and that was the extent of it. I remember my mom talking about a "funny uncle" once. The family made a choice not to have alcohol around. If there is no alcohol, there is no alcoholism. But the genes were still there. My brother was drinking a qt. of whiskey every day when he died of a heart attack. My other brother drank a lot before he had his heart problems and still can't make a clean break even though he is an LVAD patient (computer operated heart). I am lucky that I don't have the thirst for it and don't like most of it. But the genes are there and that is what I teach my daughters and my grandchildren. No blame, no shame, just the biological facts. We also have the "lousy heart" gene. No blame, no shame about that either.
Take care of yourself.