I posted once before, in July when I was hoping things with my husband of 20 years would be fixed. Well, they didn't change and in August I filed for divorce and moved out. I felt pushed into it by him. Even after moving, I still hoped for him to "get it" and make changes. Instead, he continued drinking, started stalking me, threatened me repeatedly, and called me names many times. Then he would be sweet, flirt, and ask me to come back.
I just found out that the divorce is final and I have had a huge wave of emotions about it. A whole new feeling of fear, anxiety, anger and sadness all wrapped up in one. I hate him for pushing me to divorce. I hate him for not getting sober to keep our marriage together. Unfortunately I also love him and don't know what I'm going to do without him.
How the heck do I move forward when I want to just curl up and hide from the world?
Iamhere said
Oct 29, 2016
Welcome back Tinyhouse - sorry that you're having pain over your divorce. My best suggestion is to get to meetings and work the program. Anytime I've made major life changes, my best solution takes me back to the basics of recovery. It's a great way to find local support, fellowship, and consider new ways to go about your days and life.
Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
hotrod said
Oct 29, 2016
Welcome Tinyhouse I hear you and so understand your anger, and pain. Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease over which we are powerless and that hurts the entire family. Alanon is a recovery program for family memberss who have developed many negative coping tools while dealing with the insanity of the disease.
Face to face meetings that are held in most communities will help you to process your feelings and provide new tools ot live by. Please search them out.
Positive thoughts on the way
Rinn said
Oct 30, 2016
Your post really resonates with me. I think that your struggle is your own of course, but the idea of loving your alcoholic/addict and having such strong feeling like anger for the things have experienced hits many people here. It can be such an exhausting inner battle to fight.
I am so happy you are here. The tools of alanon are powerful if you choose to use them. The understanding the 12 steps and finding the support to help you learn them and apply them can lift a heavy load. I hope you keep coming back there are some wonderful people here, and great listeners.
Try to take some time everyday and care for yourself as you heal, just remember you are important! Your worth taking the time to help.
-- Edited by Rinn on Sunday 30th of October 2016 06:24:26 PM
yanksfan51 said
Nov 1, 2016
Welcome Tinyhouse-
What you have written also resonates w me. Living together for a long period of time in marriage- feeling there is no other way but to leave the marriage, then there is a huge range of emotions to deal with in the fallout. What has been helpful for me is to work on the smallest things that I need to (now I will brush my hair, then I will get my sunglasses..). little little things that I am able to check off my list. It has helped me feel somewhat productive and orderly in what can feel like a very chaotic time.
Getting to meetings-- here and face to face, reading, working a program- and know that you are not alone.
I posted once before, in July when I was hoping things with my husband of 20 years would be fixed. Well, they didn't change and in August I filed for divorce and moved out. I felt pushed into it by him. Even after moving, I still hoped for him to "get it" and make changes. Instead, he continued drinking, started stalking me, threatened me repeatedly, and called me names many times. Then he would be sweet, flirt, and ask me to come back.
I just found out that the divorce is final and I have had a huge wave of emotions about it. A whole new feeling of fear, anxiety, anger and sadness all wrapped up in one. I hate him for pushing me to divorce. I hate him for not getting sober to keep our marriage together. Unfortunately I also love him and don't know what I'm going to do without him.
How the heck do I move forward when I want to just curl up and hide from the world?
Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
Face to face meetings that are held in most communities will help you to process your feelings and provide new tools ot live by. Please search them out.
Positive thoughts on the way
Your post really resonates with me. I think that your struggle is your own of course, but the idea of loving your alcoholic/addict and having such strong feeling like anger for the things have experienced hits many people here. It can be such an exhausting inner battle to fight.
I am so happy you are here. The tools of alanon are powerful if you choose to use them. The understanding the 12 steps and finding the support to help you learn them and apply them can lift a heavy load. I hope you keep coming back there are some wonderful people here, and great listeners.
Try to take some time everyday and care for yourself as you heal, just remember you are important! Your worth taking the time to help.
-- Edited by Rinn on Sunday 30th of October 2016 06:24:26 PM
Welcome Tinyhouse-
What you have written also resonates w me. Living together for a long period of time in marriage- feeling there is no other way but to leave the marriage, then there is a huge range of emotions to deal with in the fallout. What has been helpful for me is to work on the smallest things that I need to (now I will brush my hair, then I will get my sunglasses..). little little things that I am able to check off my list. It has helped me feel somewhat productive and orderly in what can feel like a very chaotic time.
Getting to meetings-- here and face to face, reading, working a program- and know that you are not alone.
sending you positive thoughts of strength
Mary