I'm sure my story is not new. While I'm familiar with the 12-steps, I am at a complete loss re how to apply them to my current situation and how to deal with what is happening in my life.
My husband is an alcoholic. He quit drinking 'for me' (he says -- because he doesn't believe he has a problem) a couple of years ago. He has gone on a couple of business trips recently and I had a feeling he was drinking while on them. He sent me texts or emails that seemed like he was under the influence. He was out of town this week and one night I was unable to reach him through various methods. I even tried calling the landline phone in his hotel room and there was no answer. The next morning, I sent him a message saying how upset I was that I was unable to reach him. (I was home taking care of the 4 boys and one was sick -- I had wanted to reach him about that). I will confess that I got very anxious when I wasn't able to reach him and I tried many times throughout the night. I was freaking out -- thinking maybe he had gotten drunk and maybe was having an affair with someone at the hotel. So, when he returned home he was full of hatred, rage, and abusive comments. When I asked, repeatedly, if he had been drinking, he avoided answering the question. Instead, he shouted: "I'm not going to talk about me at all -- the problem here is your anger and that's the only thing I'm going to talk about". After awhile, I looked in his brief case and saw the hotel invoice which had many charges for alcohol from the hotel bar. When I told him that and told him I was worried that he had slept with someone -- he shouted that he wished I'd go find someone to have an affair with -- that that would make him happy.
I feel that I probably should begin the process of separating from him. We live with four sons -- one that is ours, two that I have adopted who are from his previous marriage, and one that is his step son from the previous marriage. The mother of the three older boys died of a drug overdose. The three older boys have been flourishing in our home -- the first stable environment they've had. But, that's about to change and it breaks my heart. On the other hand, I feel I need to remove my infant son from this environment.
I welcome any thoughts/experience/hope you can offer.
-- Edited by Lostandsad on Thursday 27th of October 2016 09:24:54 AM
Iamhere said
Oct 27, 2016
Welcome to MIP lostandsad - glad you found us and glad that you shared. We do not give advice in Al-Anon, but we do offer hope and help in the program of Al-Anon. I suggest you seek out local meetings in your community and attend. It is in the program that I found my self-worth and self-esteem and was able to make decisions that worked well for my life. We avoid giving advice as each of us has a unique scenario to manage. While the disease presents with common characteristics, each scenario is different.
Please keep coming back - you are not alone!
pinkchip said
Oct 27, 2016
Seek out alanon and get more support. You do not have to figure out what to do in a day. Clarity will develop in time as you continue in alanon.
hotrod said
Oct 27, 2016
Welcome lostandsad, I agree with the above members. Please do search out alanon face to face metings in your community and attend. There is hope and help.
I'm sure my story is not new. While I'm familiar with the 12-steps, I am at a complete loss re how to apply them to my current situation and how to deal with what is happening in my life.
My husband is an alcoholic. He quit drinking 'for me' (he says -- because he doesn't believe he has a problem) a couple of years ago. He has gone on a couple of business trips recently and I had a feeling he was drinking while on them. He sent me texts or emails that seemed like he was under the influence. He was out of town this week and one night I was unable to reach him through various methods. I even tried calling the landline phone in his hotel room and there was no answer. The next morning, I sent him a message saying how upset I was that I was unable to reach him. (I was home taking care of the 4 boys and one was sick -- I had wanted to reach him about that). I will confess that I got very anxious when I wasn't able to reach him and I tried many times throughout the night. I was freaking out -- thinking maybe he had gotten drunk and maybe was having an affair with someone at the hotel. So, when he returned home he was full of hatred, rage, and abusive comments. When I asked, repeatedly, if he had been drinking, he avoided answering the question. Instead, he shouted: "I'm not going to talk about me at all -- the problem here is your anger and that's the only thing I'm going to talk about". After awhile, I looked in his brief case and saw the hotel invoice which had many charges for alcohol from the hotel bar. When I told him that and told him I was worried that he had slept with someone -- he shouted that he wished I'd go find someone to have an affair with -- that that would make him happy.
I feel that I probably should begin the process of separating from him. We live with four sons -- one that is ours, two that I have adopted who are from his previous marriage, and one that is his step son from the previous marriage. The mother of the three older boys died of a drug overdose. The three older boys have been flourishing in our home -- the first stable environment they've had. But, that's about to change and it breaks my heart. On the other hand, I feel I need to remove my infant son from this environment.
I welcome any thoughts/experience/hope you can offer.
-- Edited by Lostandsad on Thursday 27th of October 2016 09:24:54 AM
Please keep coming back - you are not alone!
Welcome lostandsad, I agree with the above members. Please do search out alanon face to face metings in your community and attend. There is hope and help.