After a lot of reflection, I have decided I want to approach my own drinking as well.
Coming from a family of alcoholics, drinking is so normalized in every situation. Every event, every emotion - theres a drink or a drug for that. When I came here I was focused on healing the hurts in my heart from my families addiction. I'm working on that day by day and have never felt better! I do realize that I have developed bad habits with alcohol. I chose to stop drinking all together. I don't think I realized how deep in I was though.
I do not have detox issues, I didn't progress that far. I am 3rd gen (possibly more?) , I know if I don't nip it now it could very well progress.
I am realizing that I am having to tell myself, several times a day NO when it comes to 'just one drink' .. because it's never just one. While cooking, while eating, cleaning, when the kids are settled for the night, when I can't sleep...
It's what I learned, and it's something I want to break myself of before it becomes a bigger problem.
For those who did both programs, Al Anon and AA, would you say it's OK to be in recovery for both at the same time? Or to approach one first and then the other?
I don't think I would have ever considered going to AA had I not come here first. I don't want to let this program sit to the side, it's changing my life. I'd rather white knuckle it with the alcohol & stick with Al Anon.
So, do you do one? or both? two sponsors or one who is involved with both programs? I'm still taking my time with the sponsor thing, I am wondering though - when the time comes, how will that work with one or both programs?
Really needing to focus on "one day at a time" here, aren't I
el-cee said
Oct 26, 2016
I've ever heard your story before and in fact there is a girl on my meeting who came to alanon and is now attending aa. She works such a great program. Its the same steps same slogans so many similarities. Also good for you for looking so honestly at yourself. Pretty inspirational to me.x
Calm Lady said
Oct 26, 2016
Hi Sarah
The way I did it was quit my daily drinking first. I didn't go to AA, I used another support group. Then when I was about 6 months clear of alcohol, I joined Al-anon.
I found quitting incredibly difficult. Incredibly incredibly! Still can't believe I managed it.
I have about 6 1/2 years sober and 6 years in Al-anon.
I remained utterly nuts for a good 2 to 3 years off alcohol. Obviously I didn't realise this at the time!!
I have had some experience with AA now, I feel Al-anon is waaaaaaaaaaaay gentler. That is what I personally needed. I could not have coped with AA. I would have fallen apart. I suspect because of the verbal bashing I was getting at home at the time by my annoyed alkie hub. He was not happy at all about me quitting. As he was losing his drinking buddy.
As El,-Cee said, is very similar program. Steps the same apart from a word or two.
A difference I do notice though is that Al-anon is very much about us learning to focus on ourselves and our recovery, AA the focus seems to be on helping others and putting the focus on helping other alkies!
Hopes my ESH helps.
-- Edited by Calm Lady on Wednesday 26th of October 2016 02:05:55 PM
Calm Lady said
Oct 26, 2016
Regarding your sponsor question, I have one. Also a double winner. We are a God given excellent fit.
I dont know the suggestion for people in more than one fellowship.
Mike B said
Oct 26, 2016
Hi Sarah, My story is just the opposite as yours. I came to Alanon after several years in AA. I keep AA primary but supplement The Program with Alanon. The 12 Steps are the same except for the first 1/2 of Step One. The symptoms of Alcoholism(AA & Alanon) are very similar.
If you're able to not drink and continue your recovery in Alanon, why not keep that primary and supplement with AA? Stay open to what your HP has planned for you in the future. More will be revealed if you need to make changes.
hotrod said
Oct 26, 2016
Great honesty and awareness. I have a sponsee who started in alanon, with me as a sponsor and after a year, moved to AA and decided to make that her primary program She obtained an AA sponsor and still stays in touch with me on occasion when her fear kicks in , That works for us . I think it is an individual matter and one to consider slowly.
sarahGee said
Oct 26, 2016
This is awesome, thank you.
l know that I want to keep Al Anon first.
I am unsure if my aversion to drinking is because of what I'm learning about myself in this program, and if my obsessing over it is just obsessive thinking turned inward. Previously my obsessive thinking was attached to others. I've been lifted enough by HP to let that go and it has served me well, but the trait (character defect?) still rages on.
I'm not entirely committed to the idea of AA, I rarely ever get drunk, I feel sick after I have a few drinks, I have had no legal trouble or loss of relationships due to my drinking.
I have had trouble with family/friends due to my attitude and expectations.
I am very scared of myself and the idea that I might cause my kids grief one day, in the same way that I felt it growing up.
Woah.
There we go.
Think I just got my answer.
Thank you all for your help!!!!
Iamhere said
Oct 26, 2016
I am a back-door Al-Anon member. I came first to AA and after 20+ years in AA, joined Al-Anon for the affect of my loved one's drinking. I attend meetings for both and did confuse myself in the beginning. The 'perfectionist' in me would actually sit and wonder which tools to grab - AA or Al-Anon....As with most things then, I over-analyzed and over-thought everything - including the solutions right in front of me.
My sponsor is also a double-winner who did the reverse of me. She came first to Al-Anon and then explored her own drinking and crossed over to AA. She no longer attend Al-Anon meetings - she's got 43 years in AA and 47 in Al-Anon.
As with Al-Anon, the 'entrance requirements' for AA are simple - the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are high-bottom and low-bottom attendees at my meetings. Just like with Al-Anon, meeting attendance and fellowship/support are paramount for serenity. I needed meetings often to remember who I was and who I wanted to be. Isolation and self-management can work against us over time - for me, it was just easier to go to the meetings.
One of many characteristics that many discount is drinking alone. Alcohol was designed to contribute to a social situation and WE the people have chosen to USE it for many greater purposes (calm nerves, sleep, stress, etc.) TV and movies glorify people arriving home from work, mixing a cocktail or pouring a glass of wine to 'unwind'. Because we see it so often, we have assumed it to be normalized. True social drinkers don't drink alone at home for any reason - no need, they have better/healthier coping mechanisms.
I too came from a multi-generational system of alcohol abuse. I added substances to the mix. I got sober before my boys were born and thought that would be enough to break the cycle. I was dead wrong which was a huge lesson for me in the genetic component of this disease. My children have never seen me altered in any way, shape or form. They were taught to respect mind-mood altering substances age appropriately. Yet, they still felt they could dabble and experiment. That led to full-blown addiction faster than my path and mine was pretty destructive pretty fast.
Good luck with your journey! I wish you the best and can honestly say that I am grateful my journey has been 'real' and unaltered. I am beyond grateful to both programs as I would not be here without them.
PatG1025 said
Oct 27, 2016
That's a great decision about looking at your drinking, and possibly stopping it. I have a friend who decided at a young age to not start drinking. Everyone in her family was an alcoholic and it went back several generations. She didn't want to turn on the switch.
She was smart.
I, on the other hand, read a report that one out of four siblings in a family with one parent who was alcoholic might become alcoholic, but three out of four siblings could become alcoholic if both parents were alcoholic. And since I figured the chances were good enough, I decided to drink anyway and see where it led me. Surprise! Surprise! I became alcoholic right along with dad, grandfather, great grandfather and the women were pill addicts.
I wished I'd been smart. But I needed to test the theory. I lost.
After a lot of reflection, I have decided I want to approach my own drinking as well.
Coming from a family of alcoholics, drinking is so normalized in every situation. Every event, every emotion - theres a drink or a drug for that. When I came here I was focused on healing the hurts in my heart from my families addiction. I'm working on that day by day and have never felt better! I do realize that I have developed bad habits with alcohol. I chose to stop drinking all together. I don't think I realized how deep in I was though.
I do not have detox issues, I didn't progress that far. I am 3rd gen (possibly more?) , I know if I don't nip it now it could very well progress.
I am realizing that I am having to tell myself, several times a day NO when it comes to 'just one drink' .. because it's never just one. While cooking, while eating, cleaning, when the kids are settled for the night, when I can't sleep...
It's what I learned, and it's something I want to break myself of before it becomes a bigger problem.
For those who did both programs, Al Anon and AA, would you say it's OK to be in recovery for both at the same time? Or to approach one first and then the other?
I don't think I would have ever considered going to AA had I not come here first. I don't want to let this program sit to the side, it's changing my life. I'd rather white knuckle it with the alcohol & stick with Al Anon.
So, do you do one? or both? two sponsors or one who is involved with both programs? I'm still taking my time with the sponsor thing, I am wondering though - when the time comes, how will that work with one or both programs?
Really needing to focus on "one day at a time" here, aren't I
Hi Sarah
The way I did it was quit my daily drinking first. I didn't go to AA, I used another support group. Then when I was about 6 months clear of alcohol, I joined Al-anon.
I found quitting incredibly difficult. Incredibly incredibly! Still can't believe I managed it.
I have about 6 1/2 years sober and 6 years in Al-anon.
I remained utterly nuts for a good 2 to 3 years off alcohol. Obviously I didn't realise this at the time!!
I have had some experience with AA now, I feel Al-anon is waaaaaaaaaaaay gentler. That is what I personally needed. I could not have coped with AA. I would have fallen apart. I suspect because of the verbal bashing I was getting at home at the time by my annoyed alkie hub. He was not happy at all about me quitting. As he was losing his drinking buddy.
As El,-Cee said, is very similar program. Steps the same apart from a word or two.
A difference I do notice though is that Al-anon is very much about us learning to focus on ourselves and our recovery, AA the focus seems to be on helping others and putting the focus on helping other alkies!
Hopes my ESH helps.
-- Edited by Calm Lady on Wednesday 26th of October 2016 02:05:55 PM
I dont know the suggestion for people in more than one fellowship.
Hi Sarah, My story is just the opposite as yours. I came to Alanon after several years in AA. I keep AA primary but supplement The Program with Alanon. The 12 Steps are the same except for the first 1/2 of Step One. The symptoms of Alcoholism(AA & Alanon) are very similar.
If you're able to not drink and continue your recovery in Alanon, why not keep that primary and supplement with AA? Stay open to what your HP has planned for you in the future. More will be revealed if you need to make changes.
l know that I want to keep Al Anon first.
I am unsure if my aversion to drinking is because of what I'm learning about myself in this program, and if my obsessing over it is just obsessive thinking turned inward. Previously my obsessive thinking was attached to others. I've been lifted enough by HP to let that go and it has served me well, but the trait (character defect?) still rages on.
I'm not entirely committed to the idea of AA, I rarely ever get drunk, I feel sick after I have a few drinks, I have had no legal trouble or loss of relationships due to my drinking.
I have had trouble with family/friends due to my attitude and expectations.
I am very scared of myself and the idea that I might cause my kids grief one day, in the same way that I felt it growing up.
Woah.
There we go.
Think I just got my answer.
Thank you all for your help!!!!
My sponsor is also a double-winner who did the reverse of me. She came first to Al-Anon and then explored her own drinking and crossed over to AA. She no longer attend Al-Anon meetings - she's got 43 years in AA and 47 in Al-Anon.
As with Al-Anon, the 'entrance requirements' for AA are simple - the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are high-bottom and low-bottom attendees at my meetings. Just like with Al-Anon, meeting attendance and fellowship/support are paramount for serenity. I needed meetings often to remember who I was and who I wanted to be. Isolation and self-management can work against us over time - for me, it was just easier to go to the meetings.
One of many characteristics that many discount is drinking alone. Alcohol was designed to contribute to a social situation and WE the people have chosen to USE it for many greater purposes (calm nerves, sleep, stress, etc.) TV and movies glorify people arriving home from work, mixing a cocktail or pouring a glass of wine to 'unwind'. Because we see it so often, we have assumed it to be normalized. True social drinkers don't drink alone at home for any reason - no need, they have better/healthier coping mechanisms.
I too came from a multi-generational system of alcohol abuse. I added substances to the mix. I got sober before my boys were born and thought that would be enough to break the cycle. I was dead wrong which was a huge lesson for me in the genetic component of this disease. My children have never seen me altered in any way, shape or form. They were taught to respect mind-mood altering substances age appropriately. Yet, they still felt they could dabble and experiment. That led to full-blown addiction faster than my path and mine was pretty destructive pretty fast.
Good luck with your journey! I wish you the best and can honestly say that I am grateful my journey has been 'real' and unaltered. I am beyond grateful to both programs as I would not be here without them.
She was smart.
I, on the other hand, read a report that one out of four siblings in a family with one parent who was alcoholic might become alcoholic, but three out of four siblings could become alcoholic if both parents were alcoholic. And since I figured the chances were good enough, I decided to drink anyway and see where it led me. Surprise! Surprise! I became alcoholic right along with dad, grandfather, great grandfather and the women were pill addicts.
I wished I'd been smart. But I needed to test the theory. I lost.