I found out last week my husband of 35 years has fallen off the wagon. 28 years sober, gone. I suspected for several months. I tried to talk to him and he shuts me out. We have been in marriage counseling for the last 5 or 6 months too! My father was a alcoholic, it killed him. My problem is how to leave. I have no way to support myself, I'm sure my husband will make as hard as he can. He is a bitter mean man, and my love for him has faded. It's now dead. To go though this hell again, is more than my soul can take. This hurts so much, he fakes being so far above the rest of humanity. The arrogance and nasty behavior is constant. I helped him build a business, took my life and career to help him, his mother threw me out of my own business and he allowed it. I did stop allowing her to see my children, not for what she did to me but she was mean to them! She was alcoholic in my opinion. I just stayed away from her. The kids are grown now, and she's gone. I just want to be free. I just hope my kids don't have to watch their father die like I did.
Junenine said
Oct 25, 2016
i am so very sorry, annie. that is heartbreaking. you sound quite clear about what you need right now though, and that is a blessing. wishing you strength and fortitude.
hotrod said
Oct 25, 2016
Welcome Anne Please search out alanon face to face meetings in your community and attend. There is hope and help as you are not alone. Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, fatal disease over which we are powerless. It is suggested that you make no major life changes until you are in program for at least 6 months so please attend meetings and keep coming back here.
milkwood said
Oct 25, 2016
Welcome Annie,
I hope you will be gentle with yourself as you navigate this transition.
I found myself harbouring lots of resentments and Al Anon has helped me to see good in any situation which, in turn, helps me to feel more positive about my future. Yoga and meditation have also been useful - they sort of cleared a space in my mind where I could learn to experience being me and come to decide what I wanted to let into my life.
Sending (((hugs)))
Fancypants said
Oct 25, 2016
My AH relapsed after 23 years sober. It was a huge shock to me. This happened 2.5 years ago. He is newly recovering but I wish I had sought out Alanon sooner. It's not easy but the working the program is helping me live one day at a time.
sarahGee said
Oct 25, 2016
I am so sorry to hear this. Your heart must be hurting ((hugs))
Are you able to get to a meeting in your area? If you have whole heartedly made the decision to leave, I am sure that someone there will have suggestions for local resources that you can turn to for help.
Stay strong <3
Annie Oakly said
Oct 25, 2016
I've tried AL Teen when my dad went out of control, and AL Non when my husband was actively drinking. I will try again, but I just didn't fit in.
Annie Oakly said
Oct 25, 2016
Nothing is going to happen quickly. There are too many years and property etc... like I said I built a business with him. My mother was left nearly destitute by my father. Many things are going though my head,,,,,,I still have a grown child at home! I have no choice but to take things one day at a time.
Jerry F said
Oct 25, 2016
Thanks Hotrod...that is the message of hope and happiness. I made up my mind long ago to get in and stay and keep coming back and now it seems to be the only sane decision I ever made. ((((hugs))))
I found out last week my husband of 35 years has fallen off the wagon. 28 years sober, gone. I suspected for several months. I tried to talk to him and he shuts me out. We have been in marriage counseling for the last 5 or 6 months too! My father was a alcoholic, it killed him. My problem is how to leave. I have no way to support myself, I'm sure my husband will make as hard as he can. He is a bitter mean man, and my love for him has faded. It's now dead. To go though this hell again, is more than my soul can take. This hurts so much, he fakes being so far above the rest of humanity. The arrogance and nasty behavior is constant. I helped him build a business, took my life and career to help him, his mother threw me out of my own business and he allowed it. I did stop allowing her to see my children, not for what she did to me but she was mean to them! She was alcoholic in my opinion. I just stayed away from her. The kids are grown now, and she's gone. I just want to be free. I just hope my kids don't have to watch their father die like I did.
i am so very sorry, annie. that is heartbreaking. you sound quite clear about what you need right now though, and that is a blessing. wishing you strength and fortitude.
Welcome Anne Please search out alanon face to face meetings in your community and attend. There is hope and help as you are not alone.
Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, fatal disease over which we are powerless.
It is suggested that you make no major life changes until you are in program for at least 6 months so please attend meetings and keep coming back here.
I hope you will be gentle with yourself as you navigate this transition.
I found myself harbouring lots of resentments and Al Anon has helped me to see good in any situation which, in turn, helps me to feel more positive about my future. Yoga and meditation have also been useful - they sort of cleared a space in my mind where I could learn to experience being me and come to decide what I wanted to let into my life.
Sending (((hugs)))
My AH relapsed after 23 years sober. It was a huge shock to me. This happened 2.5 years ago. He is newly recovering but I wish I had sought out Alanon sooner. It's not easy but the working the program is helping me live one day at a time.
Are you able to get to a meeting in your area? If you have whole heartedly made the decision to leave, I am sure that someone there will have suggestions for local resources that you can turn to for help.
Stay strong <3
Thanks Hotrod...that is the message of hope and happiness. I made up my mind long ago to get in and stay and keep coming back and now it seems to be the only sane decision I ever made. ((((hugs))))