My ex ABF and I broke up almost 2 weeks ago. It ended badly with a big fight about a week later he text me about some money a friend gave me to give to him and I said I had sent it with another friend to give to him. I then text him back that I felt sick about how we ended things and that I wanted to talk but only when he was ready as I don't want to hurt each other anymore. He text back and said give him more time and maybe he would be ok to talk. So during this whole time hes been really down and his dad has been texting me as he knows I have been worried. Well today was a big court date for my ex and his dad text me to tell me what went on. He did not go to jail but there was a chance he might have. In that conversation I told him I wanted to reach out as I don't want my ex to think I don't care but maybe its best I don't as he seems not ready. His dad text me back saying that's probably for the best as my ex gave him a list of people to contact if he got taken into jail today and I was not one of them. We have been together almost 3 years I visited him every visitation when he was in jail took off work to support him at his court dates. I cant help but feel crushed. I feel like I gave so much and for him not want me to hear it from the family I have become so close with hurts so bad. I don't know what to think right now.
Jerry F said
Oct 24, 2016
Mya get into the first face to face group you can find and let us help hold you up and share the pain. That is what the program did for me and I've got a lifetime of gratitude for them....((((hugs))))
milkwood said
Oct 25, 2016
Sending you (((((hugs)))) MC
Iamhere said
Oct 25, 2016
I am sorry you are hurting - I'm with Jerry - find your local fellowship and you won't have to deal/heal alone! I also have heard many times in recovery that another person's rejection of me is God's protection of me. Sending (((Hugs))) to you and positive thoughts your way!
pinkchip said
Oct 25, 2016
My experience is that when you break up with someone...do it for real. 90 percent of the time, a desire to "still talk" means you want to get back together. When I was REALLY ready to move on, I was DONE and that meant the "in laws" also...whether I liked them or not. If you are really done, save yourself the pain and move on. Your ex owes you nothing. You chose to be with him and break ups usually are not pretty. Demanding or thinking that will have you repeatedly reuniting and going back to dysfunctional relationships.
I'm sorry it hurts but that hurt has a function...to protect yourself from further interaction with someone who hurts you and who already gave you enough reason to break up.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 25th of October 2016 06:16:24 PM
ItsAllAboutMeMC said
Oct 26, 2016
Thank you for all your kind words. I have been so busy with 2 jobs and school its been hard o make it to a meeting.
Pinkchip- I understand what you are saying and I am not fully over it. If I was it would not hurt so bad to try and close that chapter in my life. My heart wants to be with this person but my brain says this is a very unhealthy situation for the both of us and I need to get out before more damage is done. That's why I broke up with him. But just because my brain says these things it does not stop my heart from beating. I know time meetings and praying will help. I have good and bad days. It just hurts to put so much into something give your everything and feel like it was given to someone who not only did not reciprocate it but also someone who did not appreciate it. A lot of realizations happening for me right now some very painful.
starcatcher2 said
Oct 26, 2016
ItsAllAboutMeMC wrote:
Thank you for all your kind words. I have been so busy with 2 jobs and school its been hard o make it to a meeting.
Pinkchip- I understand what you are saying and I am not fully over it. If I was it would not hurt so bad to try and close that chapter in my life. My heart wants to be with this person but my brain says this is a very unhealthy situation for the both of us and I need to get out before more damage is done. That's why I broke up with him. But just because my brain says these things it does not stop my heart from beating. I know time meetings and praying will help. I have good and bad days. It just hurts to put so much into something give your everything and feel like it was given to someone who not only did not reciprocate it but also someone who did not appreciate it. A lot of realizations happening for me right now some very painful.
Hello ItsAllAboutMeMC,
I was in the SAME situation as you. The heart wants what the heart wants. Nobody can tell you what to do or how to heal because in the end we will make our own decisions. I did the same thing. Broke up with my ABF, but my head and my heart were not on the same page. My head knew it was not a healthy relationship, but heck I knew that when I was in the relationship. My heart missed him so much it was torture to endure being without him. That separation was such a roller coaster of emotions. I can't even explain it. Someone told me "He did you a favor by pushing you to that limit to leave." but all my heart wanted was to see him again, then those emotions got into my head. I too had gotten so close to his family, it was hard. Extremely.
I am in therapy because making meetings in my area is difficult as well. I am not suggesting it for you. For me, therapy is working because I need to find myself and find out why I am the way I am.
I am hoping it will help me be stronger person, but most importantly look at myself. I need to make myself happy first before I can make anyone else happy.
Sending lot of hugs your way. My heart goes out to you and the pain you are feeling.
M
jojo8466 said
Oct 27, 2016
Hello ItsAllAboutMeMC ~
I know this is very hard to believe but it will get better. There will be days you don't even want to get out of bed. But in time the pain will lessen and things will become clear in your head in regards to what the relationship was really all about. I've been where you are at and it sucks - but I can say that I get better and most importantly stronger each day. Hang in there....I'm thinking about you and praying for you.
ItsAllAboutMeMC said
Oct 27, 2016
Thank you I never want anyone to feel this pain but its comforting to know I'm not alone. I do go to therapy every week and its helps me so much. I don't really talk a lot at meetings I'm still working on finding my voice. But I'm finding in therapy I can say much more. It has a lot to do with being ridiculed a lot from my ex ABF and also my father. My father was not a alcoholic like my mother, but he was a rage alcoholic. Looking back and reflecting on a lot of things in my relationship and issues I had with my father its no wonder I ended up a scared little girl again in this relationship just wanting unconditional love. The one thing that really keeps me going is recognizing these things and truly understanding them. I know if I keep doing that I will find my voice. You are all so great and help me a lot with that <3
My ex ABF and I broke up almost 2 weeks ago. It ended badly with a big fight about a week later he text me about some money a friend gave me to give to him and I said I had sent it with another friend to give to him. I then text him back that I felt sick about how we ended things and that I wanted to talk but only when he was ready as I don't want to hurt each other anymore. He text back and said give him more time and maybe he would be ok to talk. So during this whole time hes been really down and his dad has been texting me as he knows I have been worried. Well today was a big court date for my ex and his dad text me to tell me what went on. He did not go to jail but there was a chance he might have. In that conversation I told him I wanted to reach out as I don't want my ex to think I don't care but maybe its best I don't as he seems not ready. His dad text me back saying that's probably for the best as my ex gave him a list of people to contact if he got taken into jail today and I was not one of them. We have been together almost 3 years I visited him every visitation when he was in jail took off work to support him at his court dates. I cant help but feel crushed. I feel like I gave so much and for him not want me to hear it from the family I have become so close with hurts so bad. I don't know what to think right now.
Mya get into the first face to face group you can find and let us help hold you up and share the pain. That is what the program did for me and I've got a lifetime of gratitude for them....((((hugs))))
My experience is that when you break up with someone...do it for real. 90 percent of the time, a desire to "still talk" means you want to get back together. When I was REALLY ready to move on, I was DONE and that meant the "in laws" also...whether I liked them or not. If you are really done, save yourself the pain and move on. Your ex owes you nothing. You chose to be with him and break ups usually are not pretty. Demanding or thinking that will have you repeatedly reuniting and going back to dysfunctional relationships.
I'm sorry it hurts but that hurt has a function...to protect yourself from further interaction with someone who hurts you and who already gave you enough reason to break up.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 25th of October 2016 06:16:24 PM
Pinkchip- I understand what you are saying and I am not fully over it. If I was it would not hurt so bad to try and close that chapter in my life. My heart wants to be with this person but my brain says this is a very unhealthy situation for the both of us and I need to get out before more damage is done. That's why I broke up with him. But just because my brain says these things it does not stop my heart from beating. I know time meetings and praying will help. I have good and bad days. It just hurts to put so much into something give your everything and feel like it was given to someone who not only did not reciprocate it but also someone who did not appreciate it. A lot of realizations happening for me right now some very painful.
Hello ItsAllAboutMeMC,
I was in the SAME situation as you. The heart wants what the heart wants. Nobody can tell you what to do or how to heal because in the end we will make our own decisions. I did the same thing. Broke up with my ABF, but my head and my heart were not on the same page. My head knew it was not a healthy relationship, but heck I knew that when I was in the relationship. My heart missed him so much it was torture to endure being without him. That separation was such a roller coaster of emotions. I can't even explain it. Someone told me "He did you a favor by pushing you to that limit to leave." but all my heart wanted was to see him again, then those emotions got into my head. I too had gotten so close to his family, it was hard. Extremely.
I am in therapy because making meetings in my area is difficult as well. I am not suggesting it for you. For me, therapy is working because I need to find myself and find out why I am the way I am.
I am hoping it will help me be stronger person, but most importantly look at myself. I need to make myself happy first before I can make anyone else happy.
Sending lot of hugs your way. My heart goes out to you and the pain you are feeling.
M
I know this is very hard to believe but it will get better. There will be days you don't even want to get out of bed. But in time the pain will lessen and things will become clear in your head in regards to what the relationship was really all about. I've been where you are at and it sucks - but I can say that I get better and most importantly stronger each day. Hang in there....I'm thinking about you and praying for you.
Thank you I never want anyone to feel this pain but its comforting to know I'm not alone. I do go to therapy every week and its helps me so much. I don't really talk a lot at meetings I'm still working on finding my voice. But I'm finding in therapy I can say much more. It has a lot to do with being ridiculed a lot from my ex ABF and also my father. My father was not a alcoholic like my mother, but he was a rage alcoholic. Looking back and reflecting on a lot of things in my relationship and issues I had with my father its no wonder I ended up a scared little girl again in this relationship just wanting unconditional love. The one thing that really keeps me going is recognizing these things and truly understanding them. I know if I keep doing that I will find my voice. You are all so great and help me a lot with that <3