I've been lurking here for awhile. Started attending face to face meetings in August but started reading CAL last year. I want recovery so bad but it's so hard and so slow going sometimes. Just when I'm doing good something will happen and I feel like I take 2 steps backwards. Background: AH was 5 years sober when we married. He was sober for another 18 before relapsing 2.5 years ago. He did detox in July for alcohol and legally prescribed benzos. Has PTSD and is in between counselors because it is a process to get in to a clinic that will treat the mental illness and the addiction. Relapsed and did 10 days of detox followed by 21 days of inpatient (all insurance would cover). Has one more assessment to get into the counseling place that will treat both so currently no meds for the anxiety or PTSD. Previous counselor only handed out meds but no counseling and nothing addressing addiction. Currently I am trying not to mother and manage. I am trying not to remind, hint, manipulate, obsess over, worry about. But it is so hard. I have great anxiety. He's been home 10 days. Just started back at work after being off since July (the benzo withdrawal was bad). He works 7-7 on the weekends as well as two 8 hour shifts during the week. He said he was going to try to make a meeting but then was tired. This of course set my anxiety off. He's been going to meetings (sometimes more than one a day). Met with his sponsor for a few hours yesterday. And I'm falling apart because he was tired after working 12 hours (1st time in 3 months) and opted to come home because he has to do it all over again tomorrow. I want to stop feeling crazy and anxious. The threat of relapse is driving me nuts. I'm so stuck because I know the statistics about relapse. And reading the boards or listening to the Alanon speakers is both a blessing and a curse. I learn great things but so many have aspects about how the alcoholic just gets worse and worse and then the kids all turn out to be addicts or alcoholics and on and on it goes. See I'm great at projecting into the future. I need to stop.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. The worry and anxiety are awful. The only thing I can suggest is to try to live in the moment....try not to predict or worry about the future - you can't control it and whatever will be, will be.....when things are good enjoy the good times....when things are bad pray to your HP and try to take care of yourself as best as you can. You are in my thoughts.

Welcome to MIP Fancypants - so glad you found us and glad that you shared. I also encourage you to try to take it all one moment at a time. When I've been where you are, and my mind/thoughts floated towards projection, I would do anything to come back to present. We do encourage grabbing literature at that time, make gratitude lists, asset lists, etc. I always pick up extra meetings when the disease is affecting me/my moods - they always make me feel better.

I had to come to the realization that no amount of worry would change anything...learning to just breathe in and realize that in this moment, I am OK really helped me tons.

There is hope and help in recovery - my phone list from my meeting(s) was very helpful in early recovery. It still is - now I call my sponsor more often than others. Keep coming back - you are not alone!

Welcome Fancy Pants You are not alone and there is hope. Please do search out alanon face to face meetings in your community and attend.

If I read right, he was sober 23 years. He knows what to do, even if it seems he doesnt by his current actions and being in such a vulnerable spot. You CAN detach. He has done this before. It's his recovery to either grasp onto or throw away again.

Welcome-Finding a sponsor can take a bit of effort but it is so rewarding once you have the right match. It doesn't matter which group you pick from. Just ask someone that you look up to because they make sense when they speak. If that person can't do it, ask that person for a suggestion, or just keep asking until you find someone that fits you. You may start out with someone and if you find it doesn't work for you, move on. Your mental health depends on you taking care of yourself now. I could relate to much of what you said but it's time to make yourself the priority. He will recover or he won't and I don't think you can help him at this point. As someone else said, he already knows what to do. Now it's time for you to get off the Merry-go round. Be kind to yourself and don't be afraid to look for your sponsor. Keep coming back, Lyne