my recovering alcoholic withdrawls often. I honestly think its just part of the alcoholism. If I give him a couple of days. He is fine. My problem is when something significant happens in my life I feel the need to share it with him. and then I feel bad for it. But I am not sure what is healthy and what isn't anymore. Just weighing on me. Had to share it with you all.
hotrod said
Oct 17, 2016
Hi Tea and welcome, I find that if someone withdraws often, it is wise to respect this need and to go to my alanon friends or sponsor for support and to connect.
I hope you are attending alanon face to face meeting because it is here I received the support I so desperately needed from people who truly understood.
Please do keep coming back here as well. You are not alone,
Iamhere said
Oct 17, 2016
tealfighter - I too send a warm welcome to you. I too found tons of support in local Al-Anon meetings. Over time, I tend to do a ton of processing with my program family vs. my blood family or my husband. I have found that we process differently, perhaps because of the disease, perhaps because male/female/age, who knows....I've learned in recovery to say what I mean, mean what I say and to be calm always. We've had a ton of water flowing under our bridges here, so I'll do whatever it takes to keep peace/sanity in my life today.
There is tons of support, help and hope in recovery - keep coming back!
e_i_m said
Oct 17, 2016
Hi Tealfighter -- this was basically the breaking point for me in my relationship with now-ex abf. I wanted his friendship/companionship and he would just disappear and not speak to me. I couldn't handle it (due to my own codepency issue and expectations of his behavior). I would get so worried at first -- thinking he was hurt, mostly, then the more it happened, I just got angry and felt abandoned and decided I couldn't continue in that cycle because I was making myself nuts.
sarahGee said
Oct 17, 2016
I understand completely.
We reach out because we want to share our joy with those we love. For myself, I see that I do have expectations as to how my qualifiers respond. I hope that they will share in my joy and we will have conversations about my excitement, future plans etc. I am learning right now that I am expecting healthy reactions from unhealthy people. That is my flaw. I cannot see their sickness and accept it, so I push my expectations on their reaction and am filled with anger and resentment when they don't respond the way i had hoped, or expected.
its not wrong to want to share your experiences, not at all. Take what I say with a grain of salt because I am new here and I am only learning at this point.
from what I know, it is ok to share your joy. Our happiness is exciting! But it is just that, it is ours alone.
-- Edited by sarahGee on Monday 17th of October 2016 05:58:07 PM
tealfighter said
Oct 17, 2016
Wow Sarah, your words touched me so. Thank you everyone for the encouraging words and support.
Jerry F said
Oct 18, 2016
Aloha Tea and welcome to the family stick around cause there is so very much to learn which will be passed on to you from those of us who have gone thru what you are going thru now. My early years in the program was about learning as much as I could about this disease and for as long as I have been here I am still learning. Alcoholism is a cunning, powerful and baffling disease that affects the mind, body spirit and emotions. I cannot be cured only arrested by total abstinence and the chemicals are mind and mood altering and therefore normal and natural processes get screwed up and around and the answer I first had to your question was how could I anything. I was toast after trying to figure her and this out and I lapsed into insanity. I also had natural or normal expectations and they all went by the wayside cause I lost all sense of what was real and should be. I quit having expectations of my alcoholic/addict and built my expectations around and within recovery and the members of Al-Anon...that way I got sane to some degree and came back for more.
Keep coming back...this works when you work it. ((((hugs))))
Calm Lady said
Oct 18, 2016
Warm welcome, TealFighter.
Thank you for sharing, goodness me yes! I had to learn not to approach my active AH for support. Also learn to be careful what I told him. His disease turns all information into blame, criticism, rants, etc against me.
I came to see like it was handing his diseased mind a weapon on a plate to use against me to support his addiction when the addiction felt threatened.
Even casual comments about tv soaps, as an example, get turned into a pontificating rant. My ears and brain dont need that!
I keep 'conversation' light and fluffy. We spend only a tiny amount of time together.
Glad you are here. I get my love and support from al-anon friends and non program friends.
my recovering alcoholic withdrawls often. I honestly think its just part of the alcoholism. If I give him a couple of days. He is fine. My problem is when something significant happens in my life I feel the need to share it with him. and then I feel bad for it. But I am not sure what is healthy and what isn't anymore. Just weighing on me. Had to share it with you all.
Hi Tea and welcome, I find that if someone withdraws often, it is wise to respect this need and to go to my alanon friends or sponsor for support and to connect.
I hope you are attending alanon face to face meeting because it is here I received the support I so desperately needed from people who truly understood.
Please do keep coming back here as well. You are not alone,
There is tons of support, help and hope in recovery - keep coming back!
I understand completely.
We reach out because we want to share our joy with those we love. For myself, I see that I do have expectations as to how my qualifiers respond. I hope that they will share in my joy and we will have conversations about my excitement, future plans etc. I am learning right now that I am expecting healthy reactions from unhealthy people. That is my flaw. I cannot see their sickness and accept it, so I push my expectations on their reaction and am filled with anger and resentment when they don't respond the way i had hoped, or expected.
its not wrong to want to share your experiences, not at all. Take what I say with a grain of salt because I am new here and I am only learning at this point.
from what I know, it is ok to share your joy. Our happiness is exciting! But it is just that, it is ours alone.
-- Edited by sarahGee on Monday 17th of October 2016 05:58:07 PM
Aloha Tea and welcome to the family stick around cause there is so very much to learn which will be passed on to you from those of us who have gone thru what you are going thru now. My early years in the program was about learning as much as I could about this disease and for as long as I have been here I am still learning. Alcoholism is a cunning, powerful and baffling disease that affects the mind, body spirit and emotions. I cannot be cured only arrested by total abstinence and the chemicals are mind and mood altering and therefore normal and natural processes get screwed up and around and the answer I first had to your question was how could I anything. I was toast after trying to figure her and this out and I lapsed into insanity. I also had natural or normal expectations and they all went by the wayside cause I lost all sense of what was real and should be. I quit having expectations of my alcoholic/addict and built my expectations around and within recovery and the members of Al-Anon...that way I got sane to some degree and came back for more.
Keep coming back...this works when you work it. ((((hugs))))
Thank you for sharing, goodness me yes! I had to learn not to approach my active AH for support. Also learn to be careful what I told him. His disease turns all information into blame, criticism, rants, etc against me.
I came to see like it was handing his diseased mind a weapon on a plate to use against me to support his addiction when the addiction felt threatened.
Even casual comments about tv soaps, as an example, get turned into a pontificating rant. My ears and brain dont need that!
I keep 'conversation' light and fluffy. We spend only a tiny amount of time together.
Glad you are here. I get my love and support from al-anon friends and non program friends.