my girlfriend drinks, but she's not the alcoholic in my life
interstellarvagabond said
Oct 15, 2016
Hi, I'm a new member and to be honest I'm not sure if this is where I should be venting or not but my mom always talked about al-anon and I'm in need of some advice so I figured why not? My mother is a recovered alcoholic, three years sober now I think. Her drinking has made me pretty scared of alcohol, not like as in everytime I see it I panic but like 65% of the time it makes me very upset. My girlfriend, who isn't of age yet, has started drinking now. She drank one night and was very kind to accommodate me by not texting me while she was drinking but then her phone died so she didn't tell me she got home safe because she was a bit tipsy and didn't think about warning me that her phone was going to die. I got upset which made her sad and she thought she would never drink again. But then tonight she texted me saying she was going to drink a little bit and that she would text me later and I just got so upset. I know that's it's not fair to control her or demand she quit drinking for me especially when she's a smart and responsible girl with her own life, and I don't want to tell her to stop drinking I know she's not an alcoholic but....I just can't help but get so hurt, and mad, and sad and betrayed when she drinks and I don't know how to stop it. Does anyone have any insight on this? Thank you so much.
jojo8466 said
Oct 15, 2016
Sorry you are going through this. As you know you can't control others actions or decisions. So you need to either accept her as she is or learn to focus on you and things that make you happy and peace and not focus on her drinking since it upsets you so much. I know that is all easier said than done but it's the only words of wisdom I can offer. Perhaps other posters will have some wisdom that will benefit you more!
Iamhere said
Oct 15, 2016
interstellar - good morning and welcome to MIP. So sorry for what brings you here but glad you found us and decided to share. Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease that is never cured but can be arrested through recovery and abstinence. AA is one recovery program for Alcoholics' Al-Anon is for friends and family affected by the disease. In Al-Anon, we don't give advice but offer our experience, strength and hope (ESH) so others can determine the path necessary for their situation.
We discover in Al-Anon that we are powerless over alcohol, others and much more. We tend to realize we can control ourselves only, our actions, thoughts, reactions, etc. When this disease has touched family and friends, often thinking becomes distorted and our reactions can be 'left of center'. I encourage you to seek out local Al-Anon meetings in your community. You will find many others who are affected in one way, big or small, by this disease.
There is hope and help available - keep coming back!
hotrod said
Oct 15, 2016
Welcome InterStellar, Growing up with the disease of alcoholism we develop negative coping tools, in order to survives the insanity that we are confronted with on a daily basis. Even after sobriety enters the picture we still have these coping mechanism and unless we seek a program of recovery for ourselves, we continue to react with these destructive tools in all areas of our life.
Living with the disease and growing up with it effects us physically, emotionally and spiritually. Alanon understands this deep destruction and holds face to face meetings in most communities. With this support we break the isolation caused by living wih the disease, and risk learning new tools to live by so we can enjoy a life filledwith courage, serenity and wisdom
Please seek out meetings that are listed in the white pages and attend. Please also keep coming back, you are not alone.
interstellarvagabond said
Oct 15, 2016
Thank you all for your help and kind words ^ ^ you really helped me to think about this and feel better. I hope to interact more with Al-Anon!
Iamhere said
Oct 15, 2016
Keep coming back - it does work when we work it!!
ItsAllAboutMeMC said
Oct 20, 2016
You have come to the right place. I can totally relate to this feeling. I too grew up with an alcoholic mother. My mom loved to party and sometimes would not come home. She also had many DUIs and crashed her car a few times drunk. One time with me and my baby sister in the car. Anyways what I'm trying to get to is that past expiration in my life growing up with an alcoholic have greatly influenced my reactions to things now. When I would not get a call or text back from my ex I would get extreme anxiety to the point where I'm chewing my fingernails to the bone.
I'm working on trying to get this under control. I can tell you that now that I'm aware of it I'm doing much better. Before I became aware of it I had convinced myself that I was having anxiety because something bad was really going to happen and that this anxiety was my instincts telling me something is wrong. I know that's not true now. Mostly because nothing was wrong it was all just me making up crazy things in my head.
Hi, I'm a new member and to be honest I'm not sure if this is where I should be venting or not but my mom always talked about al-anon and I'm in need of some advice so I figured why not? My mother is a recovered alcoholic, three years sober now I think. Her drinking has made me pretty scared of alcohol, not like as in everytime I see it I panic but like 65% of the time it makes me very upset. My girlfriend, who isn't of age yet, has started drinking now. She drank one night and was very kind to accommodate me by not texting me while she was drinking but then her phone died so she didn't tell me she got home safe because she was a bit tipsy and didn't think about warning me that her phone was going to die. I got upset which made her sad and she thought she would never drink again. But then tonight she texted me saying she was going to drink a little bit and that she would text me later and I just got so upset. I know that's it's not fair to control her or demand she quit drinking for me especially when she's a smart and responsible girl with her own life, and I don't want to tell her to stop drinking I know she's not an alcoholic but....I just can't help but get so hurt, and mad, and sad and betrayed when she drinks and I don't know how to stop it. Does anyone have any insight on this? Thank you so much.
We discover in Al-Anon that we are powerless over alcohol, others and much more. We tend to realize we can control ourselves only, our actions, thoughts, reactions, etc. When this disease has touched family and friends, often thinking becomes distorted and our reactions can be 'left of center'. I encourage you to seek out local Al-Anon meetings in your community. You will find many others who are affected in one way, big or small, by this disease.
There is hope and help available - keep coming back!
Welcome InterStellar, Growing up with the disease of alcoholism we develop negative coping tools, in order to survives the insanity that we are confronted with on a daily basis. Even after sobriety enters the picture we still have these coping mechanism and unless we seek a program of recovery for ourselves, we continue to react with these destructive tools in all areas of our life.
Living with the disease and growing up with it effects us physically, emotionally and spiritually. Alanon understands this deep destruction and holds face to face meetings in most communities. With this support we break the isolation caused by living wih the disease, and risk learning new tools to live by so we can enjoy a life filledwith courage, serenity and wisdom
Please seek out meetings that are listed in the white pages and attend. Please also keep coming back, you are not alone.
You have come to the right place. I can totally relate to this feeling. I too grew up with an alcoholic mother. My mom loved to party and sometimes would not come home. She also had many DUIs and crashed her car a few times drunk. One time with me and my baby sister in the car. Anyways what I'm trying to get to is that past expiration in my life growing up with an alcoholic have greatly influenced my reactions to things now. When I would not get a call or text back from my ex I would get extreme anxiety to the point where I'm chewing my fingernails to the bone.
I'm working on trying to get this under control. I can tell you that now that I'm aware of it I'm doing much better. Before I became aware of it I had convinced myself that I was having anxiety because something bad was really going to happen and that this anxiety was my instincts telling me something is wrong. I know that's not true now. Mostly because nothing was wrong it was all just me making up crazy things in my head.