Yep I have a crush on a guy that doesn't have a clue about me ,I don't think anyway,his now x wife divorced him for I don't know why reason,I knew him a bit back in my teen yrs just hanging out with ppl,I pm him we had a very brief conversation about nothing really ,then I saw I had a missed call from him on my messenger so I messaged him back about I missed his call,no answer back,I feel stupid at this point ,lol,afraid he figures out who I am really it's over with,just be nice to be his Freind anyway,reason I said who I am is that he would know me from going with his old school Freind ,which ismy last relationship of xabf,just like ppl to except me now for me and not who I use to go with,small town gossip,don't really know what to really say or how to say it and I'm trying to keep it all pm,just don't think I could keep from getting tongue tied talking to him on ph.just yet,like I said it's just a crush I've had for years for him,would it be right to just keep myself a mystery?pm only,are my thoughts and more comforting to me.oh well he may not even want to be my Freind ,who knows.i just had to come here and share this new thinking ,it's a what ,how and when sit.???,or should I ?.looking and searching for new tools to deal with this sit?,,,,,,,,,,being single has its downside for sure............hugs ,lu
jojo8466 said
Oct 14, 2016
If you don't mind me asking how long have you been single and no longer affected by alcoholism in your life?
lookingup said
Oct 14, 2016
Not long enough been 3 mths,would be nice just friendship though I don't know,still working my step work finishing up my 4 th step it's been a long process I've been going at my steps very slow.i do know and understand the rule of alanon 6 mths to a year and that's my goal for entering into a relationship,just thought no harm of keeping it just freinds and being honest and open about it .thank you jojo for that reminder I did almost forget,lol,how easy these very important things can skip our minds or my mind for sure,glad I did bring it here to discuss y'all are my biggest support system I have right now.....
jojo8466 said
Oct 14, 2016
No problem - I guess the 6 month rule is fairly easy for me to remember because I don't care to go through all this heart-ache again anytime soon and I know my picker-outer is broken (LOL) so I'm just going to be alone for awhile and be quite content with that. I'm not saying that you will have the same outcome as your previous relationship - there is a very good chance that this time you might find Mr. Right! I hope and pray that happens for you! Hugs!
sarahGee said
Oct 14, 2016
jojo8466 wrote:
I know my picker-outer is broken (LOL)
That is the best way I've seen that worded
The 6 month rule is a good one. Maybe if the feelings are returned by your crush, he will have no problem waiting to connect with you, until you sort yourself out.
To me, that would be a connection worth holding on to.
Good luck!
jojo8466 said
Oct 14, 2016
sarahGee wrote:
jojo8466 wrote:
I know my picker-outer is broken (LOL)
That is the best way I've seen that worded
The 6 month rule is a good one. Maybe if the feelings are returned by your crush, he will have no problem waiting to connect with you, until you sort yourself out.
To me, that would be a connection worth holding on to.
Good luck!
Glad I could make you smile with that visual!!
I've had 3 serious relationships in my life-time. The first one was with a drug addict, lying, cheating, convict (that lasted 5 1/2 years) - the second was / is a marriage to a recovering alcoholic - and the most recent was an 8 year relationship with a recovering alcoholic that decided a few years ago to "try" drinking again. Yep I sure know how to pick them! I should be an undercover agent for the FBI. I could pick out all the bad guys! LOL. I'm done with men and relationships until I get my picker-outer fixed!!!!!
Iamhere said
Oct 14, 2016
Hey LU - good on you that you have interest in another. I am one who uses the program in all areas of my life - so One Day at a Time + Easy Does It + Think Think Think all popped into my head. I stayed in my marriage so have not had to explore/enter the dating scene again. It would be my intent to never do so. I am one who know has total faith that if I am meant to be with someone, anyone - friend, etc. - it will happen.
I am supposed to focus on me one day at a time, to heal me. Each day that I am in recovery is another day to get healthier. If i encounter others and we click, we have a connection. If I encounter others, and they are needy, self-serving, drama-queens or the like, we are acquaintances. The longer I am in recovery, the better my picker is. I now know I don't need anyone to complete me. I have great friends, I have friends and I have others.
So - Easy Does It - work on you and let things unfold. The 6 month suggestion (we don't have rules in Al-Anon) is related to any major life decisions. On the AA side, if one begins recovery single, it is suggested that they avoid any relationships with the opposite sex for a minimum of 12-18 months.
I firmly believe that we must find out how to love ourselves and be content with ourselves before we will every be able to have a loving relationship with another. You've made incredible progress - keep putting you first and you'll know what you need to know in time...(((Hugs)))
lookingup said
Oct 14, 2016
Thanks everybody for your thoughts and inspiring words of wisdom,IAH your so right and ty soo much for letting me know about the 18 - 1 yr on relationships,the more I thought of this trying it again the more I back off the sit.hands off,and leave it alone till I've got more recovery behind me ,my time frame just ain't right,yes my picker outer is broken to jo jo,ty,I'm decided to just sit and wait ,handing it all over to my hp,and trusting the process....
hotrod said
Oct 14, 2016
((LU)) Great share and responses. Keep an open mind and rememberr that communication works best when it is honest, open and willing.
Yep I have a crush on a guy that doesn't have a clue about me ,I don't think anyway,his now x wife divorced him for I don't know why reason,I knew him a bit back in my teen yrs just hanging out with ppl,I pm him we had a very brief conversation about nothing really ,then I saw I had a missed call from him on my messenger so I messaged him back about I missed his call,no answer back,I feel stupid at this point ,lol,afraid he figures out who I am really it's over with,just be nice to be his Freind anyway,reason I said who I am is that he would know me from going with his old school Freind ,which ismy last relationship of xabf,just like ppl to except me now for me and not who I use to go with,small town gossip,don't really know what to really say or how to say it and I'm trying to keep it all pm,just don't think I could keep from getting tongue tied talking to him on ph.just yet,like I said it's just a crush I've had for years for him,would it be right to just keep myself a mystery?pm only,are my thoughts and more comforting to me.oh well he may not even want to be my Freind ,who knows.i just had to come here and share this new thinking ,it's a what ,how and when sit.???,or should I ?.looking and searching for new tools to deal with this sit?,,,,,,,,,,being single has its downside for sure............hugs ,lu
That is the best way I've seen that worded
The 6 month rule is a good one. Maybe if the feelings are returned by your crush, he will have no problem waiting to connect with you, until you sort yourself out.
To me, that would be a connection worth holding on to.
Good luck!
Glad I could make you smile with that visual!!
I've had 3 serious relationships in my life-time. The first one was with a drug addict, lying, cheating, convict (that lasted 5 1/2 years) - the second was / is a marriage to a recovering alcoholic - and the most recent was an 8 year relationship with a recovering alcoholic that decided a few years ago to "try" drinking again. Yep I sure know how to pick them! I should be an undercover agent for the FBI. I could pick out all the bad guys! LOL. I'm done with men and relationships until I get my picker-outer fixed!!!!!
I am supposed to focus on me one day at a time, to heal me. Each day that I am in recovery is another day to get healthier. If i encounter others and we click, we have a connection. If I encounter others, and they are needy, self-serving, drama-queens or the like, we are acquaintances. The longer I am in recovery, the better my picker is. I now know I don't need anyone to complete me. I have great friends, I have friends and I have others.
So - Easy Does It - work on you and let things unfold. The 6 month suggestion (we don't have rules in Al-Anon) is related to any major life decisions. On the AA side, if one begins recovery single, it is suggested that they avoid any relationships with the opposite sex for a minimum of 12-18 months.
I firmly believe that we must find out how to love ourselves and be content with ourselves before we will every be able to have a loving relationship with another. You've made incredible progress - keep putting you first and you'll know what you need to know in time...(((Hugs)))