I guess I must love my foo more than myself at times to fall right back into the ,having an addict in my home again,really!,here he is with his own groceries to do him for a while,my father which is 83 y/0 ,has my a/ sister living with him ,got her an apartment close to him,be a mth before she can move in to it,hopefully that all comes about for the sake of my father,which he is an alcoholic himself a non recovering alcoholic all his life ,he just slowed way down on his drinking here in his late yrs,I feel myself being crazy as it seems to have a addict back in my home but also confused a bit ,haven't discussed nothing with my a/brother about this,but he does fully respects my home of no drugs or alcohol,thus far he just got here today,one thing I have noticed that when I get back around any of my foo I easily fall right back into old patterns of behaving myself like everything I've learned in alanon goes out the window for the most part,I get sucked back into the sickness of the desease,I guess what I'm really trying to get at here is that I don't really know what to make of my sit now??why is it so hard to cope with,I've always adored this baby brother my moms latest child 13 yrs younger than I,but he is not my child still,I guess I'll just have to take this sit. One day at a time,most times he comes for a day or so and leaves ,my fathers is his home,he says our father don't want nobody living there with him,maybe a good time to practice or try to practice my tools ?i feel like there's some tools that could even be of help to him by my using them?day one....thanks for listening,...........hugs lu
hotrod said
Oct 13, 2016
((LU)) Your alanon tools can work while living with an alcoholic. Remember to keep the focus on yourself, live one day at a time, trust HP ,continue to make asset and gratitude lists and stay in your own hula hoop.
Most importantly--- Keep coming back here. :)
Iamhere said
Oct 13, 2016
(((LU))) - I agree it's much easier to detach when they are removed! I'm with Betty on this - just go one day at a time and practice the tools in each exchange. I know for me when I start my day the program way, I am more likely to keep my sanity, dignity and serenity than when I don't. Each time I interact with others during my day, I am allowed the privilege of practicing my program.
I will admit that I've had to also use, "Act as if...." while living with my sons. Such as, Act as if this is just a tenant in your home instead of my child. It has helped as have other tools of our program. Keep doing your thing and keep coming back!
lookingup said
Oct 13, 2016
Thank you Betty and IAH for your esh ,and thanks for the reminder Betty to stay in my own Hula hoop
IAH I like that ,act as if he is a tenant in my home ,never would have thought of that one......awesome esh,,,,hugs lu
Iamhere said
Oct 13, 2016
I also use 'act as if' ... in other scenarios. When my qualifiers are rude or borderline abusive, I am better able to speak my truth if I act as if they are not my offspring. A part of me (brain) knows that I will not allow friends and others to use, manipulate, exploit me so why would I apply a different set of rules to those I love and who are supposed to love me. So - act as if works internally for me as well as externally!
(((Hugs)))
sarahGee said
Oct 13, 2016
hotrod wrote:
stay in your own hula hoop.
I love that analogy. So simple yet so descriptive!
OP - I'm new to this so I have no advice, but it seems like from what others are saying, you have learned some great tools & now is the time to apply them.
Very brave of you to allow an alcoholic in your home.
lookingup said
Oct 18, 2016
Sarahgee I've pondered upon the very brave that I've allowed an alcoholic in my home I guess it struck me as an eye opener and a new awareness that that's all I've ever had in my life all my life is alcoholics and addicts I've never known any different or what it would be like to be around non alcoholics and addicts?? Wow,just a new thought there,ty........lu
I guess I must love my foo more than myself at times to fall right back into the ,having an addict in my home again,really!,here he is with his own groceries to do him for a while,my father which is 83 y/0 ,has my a/ sister living with him ,got her an apartment close to him,be a mth before she can move in to it,hopefully that all comes about for the sake of my father,which he is an alcoholic himself a non recovering alcoholic all his life ,he just slowed way down on his drinking here in his late yrs,I feel myself being crazy as it seems to have a addict back in my home but also confused a bit ,haven't discussed nothing with my a/brother about this,but he does fully respects my home of no drugs or alcohol,thus far he just got here today,one thing I have noticed that when I get back around any of my foo I easily fall right back into old patterns of behaving myself like everything I've learned in alanon goes out the window for the most part,I get sucked back into the sickness of the desease,I guess what I'm really trying to get at here is that I don't really know what to make of my sit now??why is it so hard to cope with,I've always adored this baby brother my moms latest child 13 yrs younger than I,but he is not my child still,I guess I'll just have to take this sit. One day at a time,most times he comes for a day or so and leaves ,my fathers is his home,he says our father don't want nobody living there with him,maybe a good time to practice or try to practice my tools ?i feel like there's some tools that could even be of help to him by my using them?day one....thanks for listening,...........hugs lu
Most importantly--- Keep coming back here. :)
I will admit that I've had to also use, "Act as if...." while living with my sons. Such as, Act as if this is just a tenant in your home instead of my child. It has helped as have other tools of our program. Keep doing your thing and keep coming back!
IAH I like that ,act as if he is a tenant in my home ,never would have thought of that one......awesome esh,,,,hugs lu
(((Hugs)))
I love that analogy. So simple yet so descriptive!
OP - I'm new to this so I have no advice, but it seems like from what others are saying, you have learned some great tools & now is the time to apply them.
Very brave of you to allow an alcoholic in your home.