I have an AH. We are young with 2 small children.. AH has been to rehab and we have done couples counseling for a while now. I set boundaries and unfortunately AH responded with yes he would follow them, but didnt follow through. I had to eventually take action. Does Al Anon support this decision? I am having a very hard time with my decision now that is done even though I know I had to make a change of how this were. He finally agreed to a divorce. Please guide me on my decision. I cannot make him do something or be in something he doesnt want to be in but I am still having a hard time since I have taken this jump. I am lost... any response will help as this is very fresh. Thank you
searchingserenity said
Oct 12, 2016
I am sorry- I am new to this- many mistakes... "I am having a hard time with my decision now that it is done, even though I know I had to make a change of how things were."
hotrod said
Oct 12, 2016
Hello and welcome Alanon suggests that we make no major life changes until we are in program for 6 months to a year (unless you are in danger).
We do not give advise in alanon but do support your recovery from living with the disease of alcoholism. Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease over which we are powerless. Since we are powerless over the disease, it is important to focus on ourselves and learn new constructive tools to live by. That is what alanon progam offers
I do not know if you are attending alanon face to face meeting but would suggest that no decision is carved in stone. You can search out alanon face to face meetings , attempt to learn the principles, and tools and then weigh your decision based on the recovery of your ability to view the situation in a more constructive manner . Keep coming back There is hope ,
milkwood said
Oct 12, 2016
Welcome to MIP SearchingSerenity, ((((hugs))))
Alanon meetings helped me to trust my own instincts.
Alcoholism is a ghastly disease and it affects everyone it comes into contact with. I am sorry that you and your husband have been touched by it.
I know that I reached a point where I couldn't live with it any more - I found that the stress and craziness was turning me into someone I didn't like very much and I had to leave - for me. My point is that my choice was about myself, my self esteem and being able to live the life I was gifted to its full potential.
AH and I have since reunited, but I will never forget the lessons that Alanon taught me about self care!
In my situation nothing changed until I started to look after myself and that involved making some tough decisions as well as learning not to feel guilty about looking after myself. It isn't easy. Making a list each night of the three best things in my day helps me to see that life isn't so bad and I even feel grateful most nights!
searchingserenity said
Oct 12, 2016
Thank you both for your response! I have been attending Alanon(face to face) for some time now. As I am still in recovery and learning every day I am aware and have been using my tools, readings, steps and slogans as well as God's guidance for this decision. I am in the middle of the storm trying to stand firm at this exact moment. Making a major life changing decision was not my first choice but it was something that had to be done in order to take care of my children and myself. As this has been going on for many years now. I know you are not supposed to give advice but support, I was just in a very low place at the moment and cried out for help! Thank you all very much for your kind words and support! Being in the eye of the storm I was having some doubt, as i am still working hard to master my tools, but know the decision made was what had to happen. I have a long road ahead of me and I am so thankful for this online group and alanon, i have a lot to learn still and know this will be a daily struggle. One day at a time, Let go and let God. Thank you again for your responses, I needed to know I was not alone in my hour of need, and I wasn't! ;)
Milkwood- i appreciate your honesty. As we are all on our journey and no one experience is the exact same, I do relate to yours. Thank you for reaching out and sharing in my time of need. Your story is inspiring, I am so glad you are reunited!
starcatcher2 said
Oct 12, 2016
searchingserenity wrote:
I have an AH. We are young with 2 small children.. AH has been to rehab and we have done couples counseling for a while now. I set boundaries and unfortunately AH responded with yes he would follow them, but didnt follow through. I had to eventually take action. Does Al Anon support this decision? I am having a very hard time with my decision now that is done even though I know I had to make a change of how this were. He finally agreed to a divorce. Please guide me on my decision. I cannot make him do something or be in something he doesnt want to be in but I am still having a hard time since I have taken this jump. I am lost... any response will help as this is very fresh. Thank you
Hello Searchingserenity,
I am new to this site (just signed up yesterday). My ex (who is an alcoholic) and I just recently broke up. Fortunately for us we had no children. So I can imagine that your situation is amplified. I am having a hard time dealing with the betrayal (you can read my post about if you are interested). I just can't wrap my head around it. I am sure for you, you have feelings of uncertainty having to now raise your young children on your own. Just know you CAN do it. Everyone will tell you the same thing....you should find an Al-Anon meeting. I would suggest it (I know it's difficult with small children). I've gone to a few in the past, but what I am finding for me (not suggesting this for you) is therapy in addition to the meetings (and this forum which has helped me so much). I need to look deep down. This is what the therapist is trying to help me accomplish. It's not what I've done, but what his disease has done. I have to keep telling myself that I'm better off, and so are you, especially for the sake of your children.
I wish you the best of luck in your new future.
searchingserenity said
Oct 12, 2016
Thank you for sharing! I am also new to this site. Yes I agree with Alanon, therapist and my Higher Power I have found my serenity and guidance to my decision. I have found that finding out more and more "deeper" things about myself, even though not fun at times, it has truly helped me get to this place where I am today.
The great news: Today is all we have and even though in the eye of the storm, I am thankful for what I have today. One day at a time has been my life support. I have found remembering the three C's has helped me to have peace and a clearer mind. The best of luck to you as well!
Iamhere said
Oct 12, 2016
Welcome to MIP searchingserenity - so glad you found us and glad that you shared. Sorry for what brings you here, but as I learned in this program - the best is yet to come. As stated above, alcoholism is a progressive disease and is never cured. It can be treated through recovery and abstaining from us - certainly a one day at a time program. Al-Anon is for those of us who are family or friends affected by the drinking of another. While nobody wants to be thrown into the disease of alcoholism and the affects we suffer from it, recovery is life-changing and can be helpful well beyond your current situation.
I am one who truly recommends staying with your local meetings. Get some literature when you can and just focus on one day at a time and on what you can do to have a good day. You will learn all that you want/need to in recovery and at some point, you will know that no matter what happens, you will be OK! I am always amazed that with each meeting I attend, when I keep my mind open, I learn/hear something new.
Keep coming back here - there is hope and help in recovery - you are not alone!!
Jerry F said
Oct 12, 2016
Aloha Searching and welcome to the family from out Hilo way. I also hated those no knowing times which drove me crazier than normal and what worked for me along with the other suggestions already mentioned was finding and experienced sponsor to mentor my journey. I will forever be grateful for this program gift and while he is now gone, passed away, he is with me daily in spirit...the program works when we work it. Put "sponsor" on your to do list and good luck. ((((hugs))))
searchingserenity said
Oct 13, 2016
thank you all so much for the support! I appreciate all the feedback and hope one day i can help others the way you and others have helped me! I am thankful for finding this special place to get me through the days ahead!
I have a peace today and know my HP is with me and guiding me. One day at a time-
I have an AH. We are young with 2 small children.. AH has been to rehab and we have done couples counseling for a while now. I set boundaries and unfortunately AH responded with yes he would follow them, but didnt follow through. I had to eventually take action. Does Al Anon support this decision? I am having a very hard time with my decision now that is done even though I know I had to make a change of how this were. He finally agreed to a divorce. Please guide me on my decision. I cannot make him do something or be in something he doesnt want to be in but I am still having a hard time since I have taken this jump. I am lost... any response will help as this is very fresh. Thank you
Hello and welcome Alanon suggests that we make no major life changes until we are in program for 6 months to a year (unless you are in danger).
We do not give advise in alanon but do support your recovery from living with the disease of alcoholism.
Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease over which we are powerless. Since we are powerless over the disease, it is important to focus on ourselves and learn new constructive tools to live by. That is what alanon progam offers
I do not know if you are attending alanon face to face meeting but would suggest that no decision is carved in stone. You can search out alanon face to face meetings , attempt to learn the principles, and tools and then weigh your decision based on the recovery of your ability to view the situation in a more constructive manner .
Keep coming back There is hope ,
Alanon meetings helped me to trust my own instincts.
Alcoholism is a ghastly disease and it affects everyone it comes into contact with. I am sorry that you and your husband have been touched by it.
I know that I reached a point where I couldn't live with it any more - I found that the stress and craziness was turning me into someone I didn't like very much and I had to leave - for me. My point is that my choice was about myself, my self esteem and being able to live the life I was gifted to its full potential.
AH and I have since reunited, but I will never forget the lessons that Alanon taught me about self care!
In my situation nothing changed until I started to look after myself and that involved making some tough decisions as well as learning not to feel guilty about looking after myself. It isn't easy. Making a list each night of the three best things in my day helps me to see that life isn't so bad and I even feel grateful most nights!
Milkwood- i appreciate your honesty. As we are all on our journey and no one experience is the exact same, I do relate to yours. Thank you for reaching out and sharing in my time of need. Your story is inspiring, I am so glad you are reunited!
Hello Searchingserenity,
I am new to this site (just signed up yesterday). My ex (who is an alcoholic) and I just recently broke up. Fortunately for us we had no children. So I can imagine that your situation is amplified. I am having a hard time dealing with the betrayal (you can read my post about if you are interested). I just can't wrap my head around it. I am sure for you, you have feelings of uncertainty having to now raise your young children on your own. Just know you CAN do it. Everyone will tell you the same thing....you should find an Al-Anon meeting. I would suggest it (I know it's difficult with small children). I've gone to a few in the past, but what I am finding for me (not suggesting this for you) is therapy in addition to the meetings (and this forum which has helped me so much). I need to look deep down. This is what the therapist is trying to help me accomplish. It's not what I've done, but what his disease has done. I have to keep telling myself that I'm better off, and so are you, especially for the sake of your children.
I wish you the best of luck in your new future.
Thank you for sharing! I am also new to this site. Yes I agree with Alanon, therapist and my Higher Power I have found my serenity and guidance to my decision. I have found that finding out more and more "deeper" things about myself, even though not fun at times, it has truly helped me get to this place where I am today.
The great news: Today is all we have and even though in the eye of the storm, I am thankful for what I have today. One day at a time has been my life support. I have found remembering the three C's has helped me to have peace and a clearer mind. The best of luck to you as well!
I am one who truly recommends staying with your local meetings. Get some literature when you can and just focus on one day at a time and on what you can do to have a good day. You will learn all that you want/need to in recovery and at some point, you will know that no matter what happens, you will be OK! I am always amazed that with each meeting I attend, when I keep my mind open, I learn/hear something new.
Keep coming back here - there is hope and help in recovery - you are not alone!!
Aloha Searching and welcome to the family from out Hilo way. I also hated those no knowing times which drove me crazier than normal and what worked for me along with the other suggestions already mentioned was finding and experienced sponsor to mentor my journey. I will forever be grateful for this program gift and while he is now gone, passed away, he is with me daily in spirit...the program works when we work it. Put "sponsor" on your to do list and good luck. ((((hugs))))
I have a peace today and know my HP is with me and guiding me. One day at a time-