I'm going on 3 mths being single for the 1st time in my life,wow,lol.i can laugh about it now for I always thought it to being impossible to do without a qualifier in my life,there's down days and good days,im finding everyday to be a healing day,it's totally diff,living alone and without any qualifiers in my life ,I can and am willing and wanting to have a healthy,more life fulfilling time ,by my only choosing to live alone is it possible never did my old behaviors in the past never worked for me,this does and is working,I do have those who always want to fix me up with someone my response is I font mind meeting but I'm not looking for any relationships today and prolly be a while before I pursue any relationship,still have lots of work yo do on me,I'm chugging along but happier ,I do beleive that life as a single person can only get better with working a program to better myself indeed it works,takes time ,that's all any of us have is time....thanks for listening to my single life story,hope it makes sense........in recovery,hugs to all....thanks for sharing my journey..lu
jojo8466 said
Oct 9, 2016
I'm very happy for you! Your story gives me hope that being alone does get better eventually. Thanks for posting this!
hotrod said
Oct 9, 2016
Thanks LU Love reading about your recovery. Keep on Keeping on The life of a "single" or "Semi: single person is great. Remember we have choices. You can be in a relationship and still maintain your own place with negotiated boundaries.
Iamhere said
Oct 9, 2016
Great share LU - love that you are choosing you first in your recovery! Keep working it - it looks so good on you. Grateful you are part of my journey!
YARNCRAZY said
Oct 9, 2016
cheers to you ! I did t and its been 9mths. You are doing it and doing fine. Isnt it nice having space in your head for your own thoughts and space around you. Such freedm.
lookingup said
Oct 9, 2016
Thanks everyone for your esh,it is very freeing mind wise and space ty yarncrazy,it is defiantly a whole different life,one I've never had ,yc 9 mths single is a long time ,jojo I'm glad I was able to give you hope,and no we aren't alone,there's lots of single people out there ,and I'm sure a lot of alanoners are single.thanks all for sharing ...hugs lu
lookingup said
Oct 9, 2016
Betty I like that suggestion of having my own place and still be in a relationship sounds good,IAH I'm happy I'm getting to share my journey with you to and everybody here...lots of hugs
MissM said
Oct 9, 2016
2 years living without partner, and now we're properly broken up and I have to say there is not a single part of me that would ever want to live with a partner (or another adult lol) ever again. When I eventually get into another relationship it will be sleepovers and dates only...no live-in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I enjoy being in charge of me too much now.
Hugs to you LU, what an amazing job you are doing
lookingup said
Oct 9, 2016
Smiles
jojo8466 said
Oct 10, 2016
Lookingup ~ I feel like I need to clarify something to you - I'm not alone - just lonely. There is a difference. I'm glad you are doing well! You give me hope!
andromeda said
Oct 10, 2016
Sounds like you are adjusting well and loving your new life. I remember those days and sometimes I miss being single. I'm happily in a new 'normal' relationship today, but I sometimes get wistful in looking back on where I was after I left my XAH and I remember how free that single ness felt!
2HP said
Oct 10, 2016
At first, I wasn't going to reply to your post, I felt "different." until I smelled an illusion, lol
Today I am five years into a committed (non-alcoholic) relationship and do consider myself "single." We come into the world alone and we're going out alone.... how did I become so ENMESHED in between?
.............Long al-anon story, lol
I love what you're doing because it's exactly what I did. Before my partner came along, I had to FIND myself because in my alcoholic marriage, I LOST myself. They told me to have a love affair with myself first, to enjoy life on my own FIRST because only then, would I become a healthy partner, or even recognize a healthy partner.
Al-anon told me to go out and get a life. I fondly remember discovering the things I love to do by myself, on my own... at first, it was so confusing, I didn't know what to do if I wasn't focusing on my alcoholics, I had made a career out of it. I had abandoned myself so completely in my alcoholic marriage, twisting myself into a pretzel so that HE might love me, but it was never enough... and later I learned I was never meant to be a chameleon... changing myself for HIM was not love, it was desperation.
I gradually found simple things to do on my own that brings joy into my life. Today, I get to enjoy doing those things with my partner. Sharing the journey is very nice but not necessary... as you are discovering too... ((((smile)))
My partner and I are together, yet each alone on our journey. I had very strict disciplines in place before we met and continue them today, keeping my eye "single" on my relationship with God first. so far, it's a very peaceful life, who knew?!
-- Edited by 2HP on Monday 10th of October 2016 11:52:58 AM
-- Edited by 2HP on Monday 10th of October 2016 01:33:08 PM
andromeda said
Oct 10, 2016
2HP, what a lovely share. I have been with my partner for just over 1.5 years and I feel as you do. I have to admit there was lots of 'crazy' in my own head and it still creeps up every so often but I do love the fact that he encourages me to do what I love, with or without him. He and I are separate people who happen to make a great team and we recognize that. Will it last forever? I have no idea but I'm totally OK with the fact that I am truly OK no matter what relationships are present in my life. That was recovery in action for me!
I'm going on 3 mths being single for the 1st time in my life,wow,lol.i can laugh about it now for I always thought it to being impossible to do without a qualifier in my life,there's down days and good days,im finding everyday to be a healing day,it's totally diff,living alone and without any qualifiers in my life ,I can and am willing and wanting to have a healthy,more life fulfilling time ,by my only choosing to live alone is it possible never did my old behaviors in the past never worked for me,this does and is working,I do have those who always want to fix me up with someone my response is I font mind meeting but I'm not looking for any relationships today and prolly be a while before I pursue any relationship,still have lots of work yo do on me,I'm chugging along but happier ,I do beleive that life as a single person can only get better with working a program to better myself indeed it works,takes time ,that's all any of us have is time....thanks for listening to my single life story,hope it makes sense........in recovery,hugs to all....thanks for sharing my journey..lu
Thanks LU Love reading about your recovery. Keep on Keeping on The life of a "single" or "Semi: single person is great.
Remember we have choices. You can be in a relationship and still maintain your own place with negotiated boundaries.
Hugs to you LU, what an amazing job you are doing
At first, I wasn't going to reply to your post, I felt "different." until I smelled an illusion, lol
Today I am five years into a committed (non-alcoholic) relationship and do consider myself "single." We come into the world alone and we're going out alone.... how did I become so ENMESHED in between?
.............Long al-anon story, lol
I love what you're doing because it's exactly what I did. Before my partner came along, I had to FIND myself because in my alcoholic marriage, I LOST myself. They told me to have a love affair with myself first, to enjoy life on my own FIRST because only then, would I become a healthy partner, or even recognize a healthy partner.
Al-anon told me to go out and get a life. I fondly remember discovering the things I love to do by myself, on my own... at first, it was so confusing, I didn't know what to do if I wasn't focusing on my alcoholics, I had made a career out of it. I had abandoned myself so completely in my alcoholic marriage, twisting myself into a pretzel so that HE might love me, but it was never enough... and later I learned I was never meant to be a chameleon... changing myself for HIM was not love, it was desperation.
I gradually found simple things to do on my own that brings joy into my life. Today, I get to enjoy doing those things with my partner. Sharing the journey is very nice but not necessary... as you are discovering too... ((((smile)))
My partner and I are together, yet each alone on our journey. I had very strict disciplines in place before we met and continue them today, keeping my eye "single" on my relationship with God first. so far, it's a very peaceful life, who knew?!
-- Edited by 2HP on Monday 10th of October 2016 11:52:58 AM
-- Edited by 2HP on Monday 10th of October 2016 01:33:08 PM