Please take this with the tongue and cheek fair reference it is intended..... I am in no way trying to detract from the alcoholic disease or lifestyle. Another poster referred to manipulation as a roller coaster and believe me I can understand. It was that post that started my brain along this track this am.
Recently, my RAH, daughter, and I purchased tickets and hotel reservations to the Perry Fair for tomorrow to see the "Band Perry" (as a special treat for our daughter...she loves them). We also got tickets and hotel reservations for the Lynyrd Skynyrd concert at the same Fair next weekend. Though we all plan to go, the latter one was for mama and daddy :)
Anyway, we now have a very serious, quickly approaching Hurricane and tons of mandatory evacuation orders here. After discussing my thoughts with the family (I felt it was wrong to add yet another vehicle to to the highway and to take up a hotel room someone else could really use) we all agreed to cancel weekend one and see what happens with the weather before weekend two.
After reading the other poster's thread, I was thinking about the reference to manipulation being like a roller coaster and it dawned on me that my life in dealing with alcoholics was almost always like a fair and I was choosing to ride on the manipulation coaster. It didnt really matter if he was in the control box or if I was. It was still a horrible ride.
To me, alcohol marriage is like being at a giant fair that isn't fun anymore. You may think the ride has finally stopped spinning and you can get off on to firm, flat ground for a while. But, you follow the line like everyone else only to find it leads to to ride after ride...each more nauseating and confusing than the last.
When you finally decide you have had enough, you search for a way out, which in our case is Alanon and/or AA. You run to the new path searching for a way out. It's like ...Forget walking with the "line" ... I'm making my own exit and then some wonderful person shows you the side gate you never noticed before. It is the door to the rooms of AA and Alanon.
Here you find the simple, kiddie rides with small ups and downs of normal life, which you start to find the "normal" people would have choose to begin with. You can get on or off at will. You can even choose to stop riding completely, ignore the people trying to get you to come play silly games (knowing they are rigged and you can't win), and decide to reward yourself with a slow walk to the petting zoo with your children or stopping to get a snow cone or some sticky cotton candy just for fun. It is in these slower, relaxed moments where real happiness and enjoyment can be found. It is something like opening your eyes with the fog lifting seeping life through a "new pair of glasses". (Reference the AA books here)
So, if alcoholism is like a fair, I can choose which things I want to do. I can ride the crazy (and possibly dangerous....,no offense intended) rides, or spend considerably less energy and money just strollong around enjoying the sights, smells, and sounds of the fair with no regrets tomorrow.
i think I will use my new "glasses" to look for the real family fun and enjoyable moments, while leaving the dangerous, over-exciting, and somewhat sickening rides to those who have yet to find the way to the exit I took. If I can though, I will put my hand out to help others come to the rooms where peace and serenity reign.
-- Edited by Doingmybest on Friday 7th of October 2016 08:42:18 AM
-- Edited by Doingmybest on Friday 7th of October 2016 08:43:04 AM
maryjane said
Oct 7, 2016
Exactly. You choose what is fun eventually. Hopefully you can get out of the crazy, dangerous rides in time before too much damage is done. Kiddy rides are much more serene. And cotton candy and elephant ears are always good.
hotrod said
Oct 7, 2016
Finally seeing and accepting that we have choices is what program is all about .
Iamhere said
Oct 7, 2016
Great post DoingmyBest! I love the awareness and the realization that we have choices. Keep working it - it looks good on you!
Mike B said
Oct 7, 2016
Great post and analogy! Yes, I never knew I had choices. Taken care of ME was a new concept. I like to remember the slogan: First time I'm a victim, second time I'm a volunteer.
Iamhere said
Oct 7, 2016
Good to see you Mike B - great line....First time I'm a victim, second time I'm a volunteer!! Great reminder for me, just for today!
Please take this with the tongue and cheek fair reference it is intended..... I am in no way trying to detract from the alcoholic disease or lifestyle. Another poster referred to manipulation as a roller coaster and believe me I can understand. It was that post that started my brain along this track this am.
Recently, my RAH, daughter, and I purchased tickets and hotel reservations to the Perry Fair for tomorrow to see the "Band Perry" (as a special treat for our daughter...she loves them). We also got tickets and hotel reservations for the Lynyrd Skynyrd concert at the same Fair next weekend. Though we all plan to go, the latter one was for mama and daddy :)
Anyway, we now have a very serious, quickly approaching Hurricane and tons of mandatory evacuation orders here. After discussing my thoughts with the family (I felt it was wrong to add yet another vehicle to to the highway and to take up a hotel room someone else could really use) we all agreed to cancel weekend one and see what happens with the weather before weekend two.
After reading the other poster's thread, I was thinking about the reference to manipulation being like a roller coaster and it dawned on me that my life in dealing with alcoholics was almost always like a fair and I was choosing to ride on the manipulation coaster. It didnt really matter if he was in the control box or if I was. It was still a horrible ride.
To me, alcohol marriage is like being at a giant fair that isn't fun anymore. You may think the ride has finally stopped spinning and you can get off on to firm, flat ground for a while. But, you follow the line like everyone else only to find it leads to to ride after ride...each more nauseating and confusing than the last.
When you finally decide you have had enough, you search for a way out, which in our case is Alanon and/or AA. You run to the new path searching for a way out. It's like ...Forget walking with the "line" ... I'm making my own exit and then some wonderful person shows you the side gate you never noticed before. It is the door to the rooms of AA and Alanon.
Here you find the simple, kiddie rides with small ups and downs of normal life, which you start to find the "normal" people would have choose to begin with. You can get on or off at will. You can even choose to stop riding completely, ignore the people trying to get you to come play silly games (knowing they are rigged and you can't win), and decide to reward yourself with a slow walk to the petting zoo with your children or stopping to get a snow cone or some sticky cotton candy just for fun. It is in these slower, relaxed moments where real happiness and enjoyment can be found. It is something like opening your eyes with the fog lifting seeping life through a "new pair of glasses". (Reference the AA books here)
So, if alcoholism is like a fair, I can choose which things I want to do. I can ride the crazy (and possibly dangerous....,no offense intended) rides, or spend considerably less energy and money just strollong around enjoying the sights, smells, and sounds of the fair with no regrets tomorrow.
i think I will use my new "glasses" to look for the real family fun and enjoyable moments, while leaving the dangerous, over-exciting, and somewhat sickening rides to those who have yet to find the way to the exit I took. If I can though, I will put my hand out to help others come to the rooms where peace and serenity reign.
-- Edited by Doingmybest on Friday 7th of October 2016 08:42:18 AM
-- Edited by Doingmybest on Friday 7th of October 2016 08:43:04 AM
Great post and analogy! Yes, I never knew I had choices. Taken care of ME was a new concept. I like to remember the slogan: First time I'm a victim, second time I'm a volunteer.