Are they somehow linked? Why do some of us get away from our qualifiers and then find ourselves once again in a similar relationship? Do we miss the drama? Is it somehow "passion" we are really looking for? Are we drawn in by drama mistaking it for passion? Just thinking about this today, what do you think? linsc
el-cee said
Oct 7, 2016
I can relate to this. I was addicted to the drama when I was with my exah, I thought I was in a soap opera with these dramatic ideas, I would save him, its only me in this whole world who understands him, all very dramatic and I was the fair maiden but also the hero. Lol, sounds ridiculous but this was the truth for me. I was immature and I had a warped sense of what love meant, I thought it meant through thick and thin and love would conquer all. The whole two become one nonsense.
My new relationship is full of passion and I do crave the drama at times. When its all going smooth and its all calm I can get restless and uncomfortable and my thinking dis-ease kicks in and I invent problems and issues. I struggle to accept people places and things and then I convince myself that im being used or that im the victim of him in some way. I can feel myself sinking into this way of thinking but I struggle to get clarity. I should reach out to my sponsor during this time but Im in martyr zone too so I dont need anyone ive got it sussed.
I feel my distorted thinking is dangerous because if I act on this or these feelings I can potentially end relationships that I do value. Its all fear based I get scared Im back in denial and not seeing the reality as if the reality has got to be hidden and somehow bad. I get fearful of rejection so have this urge to reject first. I also get this voice in my head telling me that I should be acting on my feelings and im not happy so just end it. I am happy, when im with him, i feel secure in his feelings for me but when im not with him i get imaginative. lol Thanks for this.x
Iamhere said
Oct 7, 2016
I struggled with this question/post and I really don't know why....I guess for me I view drama as a negative and I view passion as a positive. I may value those words and their meaning different than others. I view relationship passion as 'lust' and temporary. I view drama as avoidable and self-created. I view passion as a keen interest or driving force.
Before recovery, I still despised drama. What I could not see at the time was that even though I didn't like it and worked to avoid it, I caused more than my fair share because of my expectations of others and my need to control. Of course, I am still with my AH so when we discuss 'passion' as it relates to relationship, I am grateful to just have peace and serenity...
This was thought-provoking for me! I had to walk-away and think for a bit...
jojo8466 said
Oct 7, 2016
I just think my picker-outer is broken and I need to give up on relationships. I can't seem to get any of them right. LOL
MidnightOwl said
Oct 7, 2016
Great question!
I've been reading a lot about CPTSD and various issues with trauma. For me, when I crave drama, I see how related that is to triggering my old trauma wounds. Repetition compulsion is a real thing, and yes, life can seem boring or even meaningless without triggering myself (though I see this is an issue and am working to heal this). If this interests you, I highly recommenced Pete Walker's text on CPTSD.
Passion on the other hand can be used to accomplish great things, SO I suppose it's all in how that passion is directed :)
2HP said
Oct 8, 2016
Very interesting thread, thank you for testing me this morning, lol
I noticed a red flag going up with the question about wanting to "get away from our qualifiers and then find ourselves once again in a similar relationship?"
...... perhaps because there is no mention of "taking responsibility" for ourselves in the previous relationship. This is EXACTLY how I found myself in a similar relationship, again full of drama. And passion? it always fades, the honeymoon always fades.
God is wise. When I miss my lesson, it comes back again and again, until I get it.
Gratefully, the steps assist me in "getting it" by inviting me to a searching and fearless moral inventory. In my resentment inventories, fear inventories, and sex inventories, I found my "self" threatened because I kept seeking OUTSIDE for things I truly wanted; security, sense of self, loving relationship, etc. etc. Today, it makes perfect sense that it had to fail because God wants to be my everything. God wants me to drop the illusion that the power and control is in the hands of others.. this is just flat-out self-defeating.
I've had every material comfort... the tall dark handsome man... the status... all the drama and passion I can stand in a lifetime... it all fizzled....
And the universe stands by asking, "what else would you like to try???"
lol
-- Edited by 2HP on Saturday 8th of October 2016 11:58:41 AM
a4l said
Oct 8, 2016
I can't relate to passion. I went for the security of what I knew, and what I knew was alcoholism. Dramas just addictive until its not anymore. That took almost a decade once! Wow. Lucky I'm here.
Are they somehow linked? Why do some of us get away from our qualifiers and then find ourselves once again in a similar relationship? Do we miss the drama? Is it somehow "passion" we are really looking for? Are we drawn in by drama mistaking it for passion? Just thinking about this today, what do you think? linsc
My new relationship is full of passion and I do crave the drama at times. When its all going smooth and its all calm I can get restless and uncomfortable and my thinking dis-ease kicks in and I invent problems and issues. I struggle to accept people places and things and then I convince myself that im being used or that im the victim of him in some way. I can feel myself sinking into this way of thinking but I struggle to get clarity. I should reach out to my sponsor during this time but Im in martyr zone too so I dont need anyone ive got it sussed.
I feel my distorted thinking is dangerous because if I act on this or these feelings I can potentially end relationships that I do value. Its all fear based I get scared Im back in denial and not seeing the reality as if the reality has got to be hidden and somehow bad. I get fearful of rejection so have this urge to reject first. I also get this voice in my head telling me that I should be acting on my feelings and im not happy so just end it. I am happy, when im with him, i feel secure in his feelings for me but when im not with him i get imaginative. lol Thanks for this.x
Before recovery, I still despised drama. What I could not see at the time was that even though I didn't like it and worked to avoid it, I caused more than my fair share because of my expectations of others and my need to control. Of course, I am still with my AH so when we discuss 'passion' as it relates to relationship, I am grateful to just have peace and serenity...
This was thought-provoking for me! I had to walk-away and think for a bit...
I've been reading a lot about CPTSD and various issues with trauma. For me, when I crave drama, I see how related that is to triggering my old trauma wounds. Repetition compulsion is a real thing, and yes, life can seem boring or even meaningless without triggering myself (though I see this is an issue and am working to heal this). If this interests you, I highly recommenced Pete Walker's text on CPTSD.
Passion on the other hand can be used to accomplish great things, SO I suppose it's all in how that passion is directed :)
Very interesting thread, thank you for testing me this morning, lol
I noticed a red flag going up with the question about wanting to "get away from our qualifiers and then find ourselves once again in a similar relationship?"
...... perhaps because there is no mention of "taking responsibility" for ourselves in the previous relationship. This is EXACTLY how I found myself in a similar relationship, again full of drama. And passion? it always fades, the honeymoon always fades.
God is wise. When I miss my lesson, it comes back again and again, until I get it.
Gratefully, the steps assist me in "getting it" by inviting me to a searching and fearless moral inventory. In my resentment inventories, fear inventories, and sex inventories, I found my "self" threatened because I kept seeking OUTSIDE for things I truly wanted; security, sense of self, loving relationship, etc. etc. Today, it makes perfect sense that it had to fail because God wants to be my everything. God wants me to drop the illusion that the power and control is in the hands of others.. this is just flat-out self-defeating.
I've had every material comfort... the tall dark handsome man... the status... all the drama and passion I can stand in a lifetime... it all fizzled....
And the universe stands by asking, "what else would you like to try???"
lol
-- Edited by 2HP on Saturday 8th of October 2016 11:58:41 AM