Hi everyone, I'm 34, married and with two kids aged 3 and 7, and I come from Eastern Europe. I am a total mess and I was so happy to find this site! I am a codependent. My husband is an alcoholic. There are some local Al-Anon meetings here but they take place at somewhere 6-7 pm local time (which does not suit me 'cause I have to take my kids from the kindergarten/pre-school and drive them home (we live outside the city, in the suburb)) - but there is one on Saturdays, and I'm planning to go there. I also have attended Al-Anon during my second pregnancy, a few years ago, and I have a lot of Al-Anon literature to study at home. As I've mentioned, I'm a total mess right now. Coming from a dysfunctional family (narcissistic father and codependent mother, and I was the first child so I had to deal with the max of all their expectations), rape survivor (twice, the second time I had the courage to report to the police, so this was successfully prosecuted and the perpetrator ended up in jail), currently living in dysfunctional and emotionally abusive marriage, and on the top of that I have developed eating disorder and tendency to involve myself in affairs outside my marriage. Hurts as hell and feels so empty inside. Currently attending psychotherapy (due to my eating disorder but I'm sure it has developed because of my codependent behaviour). Hope this site would help me heal. Thanks for reading.
P.S. Hard to make it to the actual Al-Anon meeting on Saturdays because I need to save money (AH hardly provides any support for me and children but always has money for his own needs) and I live in the suburb (hard to organise babysitting for the kids too - money again and grandparents are always so busy :( and AH would say a definite no to look after the kids) But there is always hope. Even though sometimes I do feel like a burden and do not want to live anymore :(
hotrod said
Oct 4, 2016
Welcome Missy I am pleased that you found us and reached out You are not alone. Reading the literature helped me when I was in a difficult situation,so that I am glad you have some at home.
If you are unable to attend face to face meetings, we do provide on line meetings here 2xs a day. Here is the link and schedule
Meetings 9 AM EST Mon-Fri 9 PM EST Mon-Sat 10 AM EST Sat & Sun 7 PM EST Sunday
jojo8466 said
Oct 4, 2016
Hi Missy ~
I'm sorry you are in this predicatment - I hope things get better for you soon!
I understand sometimes feeling like not wanting to live anymore but please know that you aren't a burden to anyone (the alcoholism is what is the burden) and please know that your children need you and love you to the ends of the earth.
I'm praying for you!
Iamhere said
Oct 4, 2016
Welcome to MIP Missy - glad you found us and so glad you shared. I do recall there was a time when I thought/felt I did not want to live any more. I am grateful I found Al-Anon when I did; I believe it saved my life and restored me to sanity. What I came to realize is I did not want to live LIKE THIS any more. Before this disease interrupted my life, I was a reasonably happy, well-adjusted person. I found the courage to attend Al-Anon, do what was suggested and came out with a renewed desire to return to a happy, joyous and free child of HP.
Please be gentle with you - I am ending you positive thoughts and energy as well as prayers. There truly is help and hope in Al-Anon - you are not alone.
Keep coming back - glad you've joined us for this journey!
Jerry F said
Oct 4, 2016
((((Aiste)))) ...welcome to the MIP Family Group and grateful you found us. Your share gave me a sick jolt in the stomach which it always does until I remember where I am at and who I am with and what it is that we do. Al-Anon rids us of the loneliness that the disease presents and while we cannot replace all of the burdens you are now dealing with, in time we will help you get over (and under) them and find peace of mind and serenity. The disease sucks and we know why we need to and will stand with you on your way to recovery. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
MissM said
Oct 4, 2016
You sound like a strong and motivated woman who has taken a lot of steps to help herself in spite of a heap of obstacles and trauma.
I found that having a consistent place to share my successes and failures and learn better coping tools made the difference that finally helped me step out of my dysfunction and codependent behaviour. I really hope that al-anon will be that for you too.
Keep coming back and do attend meetings if and when you can- there are online meetings here if that helps.
You're in good company
missy_A said
Oct 5, 2016
Hey everyone, thanks for such a warm welcome! I'm glad to know that I might be able to attend at least some of the 10AM online meetings since my time zone is 8 hours ahead of EST :) I'll be OK!
hiraeth said
Oct 5, 2016
Hello beautiful miss missy, lots of love to you. So pleased to meet you. I have such respect for your strength, wow. Awe-inspiring. Truly. You're doing it! Living through the hard things.
hotrod said
Oct 5, 2016
(((Miss Missy)) I am happy that you will be able to attend. Please do keep coming back
lookingup said
Oct 5, 2016
Hi Missy,we have great online meetings here at mip,I'm currently using the tools of alanon in my own life and it's working ,happy your here and found us,sending you positive thoughts and virtual hugs coming your way.......lu
missy_A said
Oct 25, 2016
Thanks everyone for your warm welcome, I wonder whether I should continue write in this topic as my personal blog or if I have certain issues to come up with them in a separate topic?
I have been struggling with addiction to affairs, so hard to break this cycle :( I have the feeling inside that I am not normal and I cannot be accepted the way I am and I just need to be needed by someone to feel OK. I find it extremely hard to create inner peace and strength and stay on my own. And my AH is unavailable emotionally...
BTW I did make it to the Al-Anon meeting this weekend, felt very calm and relaxed afterwards but now the tension is starting to build up again :(
milkwood said
Oct 25, 2016
Welcome to MIP Missy A,
Wonderful that you made it to the Al-Anon meeting this weekend and felt warmth and peace with the company of others who truly understand. Yes, the tension comes back but I have found that by repeating healthy actions the tension gets weaker and weaker as time passes. It is a gentle recovery me-thinks!
When my husband was having an affair I couldn't help but snoop - I thought that knowing what was going on would make me feel better. I started to notice that snooping actually increased my anxiety, not because of what I was seeing, but because I was doing something that made me feel bad about myself. Snooping was not part of my core character! It took a lot of self discipline and I would fail from time to time but it did help my self-esteem to realise that I could choose a more peaceful existence.
I think that we all need emotional connection, we are a sociable species after all! I think that we are all basically ok human beings and that we just get a bit lost from time to time. My husband has been emotionally distant from me for some time, but I find that spending time with my friends and within the arms of Al Anon helps me to meet those needs. There is a part of me that would love to have a fling and to feel that intimacy, but I also see that I would probably judge myself harshly as well and that the fling would only be temporary respite. I suspect that it would make me feel a bit like I did when I was snooping!
You've had a heap of trauma, I am so sorry about that. Congratulations on getting through that prosecution, it takes a lot of bravery to be able to do that. Your polite introduction, your awareness, and your brilliant use of english, is it really your second language? Do you ever do translation?, anyway, it makes me think that you are worth looking after and that you deserve better in your life. I forget to look after myself from time to time so I go and read a list that I made, it includes nice things that people have said to me, nice events that had happened in my life and things I like about myself. I re-read that list whenever I feel as though I am being too hard on myself.
I suspect that all of us here have gone through periods of thinking that we are crazy, that if only we could do the right, magical yet ill-defined mysterious thing, then life would get better. Believing in ourselves doesn't come naturally but once we start, like you are now, we come to feel empowered and somehow liberated. We learn to value our own peace of mind and serenity and that is such a wonderful gift.
PS . You can start a new thread whenever you want to, it can be helpful if it is a new topic, or you can continue on this thread if you want to carry on with the same conversation for a while. We are chatty bunch, and it is lovely to have you join us. . (((((hugs))))))
hotrod said
Oct 25, 2016
Starting a new topic would be best.
I am pleased that you have attended an alanon meeting and felt calm after. That is why we urge members to keep coming back. Recovery in a process and in the beginning of my alanon journey, I attended sometimes 2 meetings a day.
There is help and hope for all the issues that you will discover.
sarahGee said
Oct 25, 2016
Welcome! WOW, reading your post - there are a lot of hurts in there but also so much strength and hope!
You have identified some unhealthy behaviors, that is huge. We are responsible for our own happiness, and we definitely can't be heal to find happiness if we keep throwing bandaids on deep wounds.
The people here are wonderful and so helpful. I'm rather new myself, and in just a few short weeks this group has helped change my perspective on so many ideas I had.
Start threads, ask questions, seek support from the people that understand where you are coming from.
Sending you STRENGTH!!
Hi everyone, I'm 34, married and with two kids aged 3 and 7, and I come from Eastern Europe. I am a total mess and I was so happy to find this site! I am a codependent. My husband is an alcoholic. There are some local Al-Anon meetings here but they take place at somewhere 6-7 pm local time (which does not suit me 'cause I have to take my kids from the kindergarten/pre-school and drive them home (we live outside the city, in the suburb)) - but there is one on Saturdays, and I'm planning to go there. I also have attended Al-Anon during my second pregnancy, a few years ago, and I have a lot of Al-Anon literature to study at home.
As I've mentioned, I'm a total mess right now. Coming from a dysfunctional family (narcissistic father and codependent mother, and I was the first child so I had to deal with the max of all their expectations), rape survivor (twice, the second time I had the courage to report to the police, so this was successfully prosecuted and the perpetrator ended up in jail), currently living in dysfunctional and emotionally abusive marriage, and on the top of that I have developed eating disorder and tendency to involve myself in affairs outside my marriage. Hurts as hell and feels so empty inside. Currently attending psychotherapy (due to my eating disorder but I'm sure it has developed because of my codependent behaviour).
Hope this site would help me heal. Thanks for reading.
P.S. Hard to make it to the actual Al-Anon meeting on Saturdays because I need to save money (AH hardly provides any support for me and children but always has money for his own needs) and I live in the suburb (hard to organise babysitting for the kids too - money again and grandparents are always so busy :( and AH would say a definite no to look after the kids) But there is always hope. Even though sometimes I do feel like a burden and do not want to live anymore :(
Al-Anon Family Group
Meeting/Chat Room
Meetings
9 AM EST Mon-Fri
9 PM EST Mon-Sat
10 AM EST Sat & Sun
7 PM EST Sunday
I'm sorry you are in this predicatment - I hope things get better for you soon!
I understand sometimes feeling like not wanting to live anymore but please know that you aren't a burden to anyone (the alcoholism is what is the burden) and please know that your children need you and love you to the ends of the earth.
I'm praying for you!
Please be gentle with you - I am ending you positive thoughts and energy as well as prayers. There truly is help and hope in Al-Anon - you are not alone.
Keep coming back - glad you've joined us for this journey!
((((Aiste)))) ...welcome to the MIP Family Group and grateful you found us. Your share gave me a sick jolt in the stomach which it always does until I remember where I am at and who I am with and what it is that we do. Al-Anon rids us of the loneliness that the disease presents and while we cannot replace all of the burdens you are now dealing with, in time we will help you get over (and under) them and find peace of mind and serenity. The disease sucks and we know why we need to and will stand with you on your way to recovery. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
I found that having a consistent place to share my successes and failures and learn better coping tools made the difference that finally helped me step out of my dysfunction and codependent behaviour. I really hope that al-anon will be that for you too.
Keep coming back and do attend meetings if and when you can- there are online meetings here if that helps.
You're in good company
Hey everyone, thanks for such a warm welcome! I'm glad to know that I might be able to attend at least some of the 10AM online meetings since my time zone is 8 hours ahead of EST :) I'll be OK!
Thanks everyone for your warm welcome, I wonder whether I should continue write in this topic as my personal blog or if I have certain issues to come up with them in a separate topic?
I have been struggling with addiction to affairs, so hard to break this cycle :( I have the feeling inside that I am not normal and I cannot be accepted the way I am and I just need to be needed by someone to feel OK. I find it extremely hard to create inner peace and strength and stay on my own. And my AH is unavailable emotionally...
BTW I did make it to the Al-Anon meeting this weekend, felt very calm and relaxed afterwards but now the tension is starting to build up again :(
Wonderful that you made it to the Al-Anon meeting this weekend and felt warmth and peace with the company of others who truly understand. Yes, the tension comes back but I have found that by repeating healthy actions the tension gets weaker and weaker as time passes. It is a gentle recovery me-thinks!
When my husband was having an affair I couldn't help but snoop - I thought that knowing what was going on would make me feel better. I started to notice that snooping actually increased my anxiety, not because of what I was seeing, but because I was doing something that made me feel bad about myself. Snooping was not part of my core character! It took a lot of self discipline and I would fail from time to time but it did help my self-esteem to realise that I could choose a more peaceful existence.
I think that we all need emotional connection, we are a sociable species after all! I think that we are all basically ok human beings and that we just get a bit lost from time to time. My husband has been emotionally distant from me for some time, but I find that spending time with my friends and within the arms of Al Anon helps me to meet those needs. There is a part of me that would love to have a fling and to feel that intimacy, but I also see that I would probably judge myself harshly as well and that the fling would only be temporary respite. I suspect that it would make me feel a bit like I did when I was snooping!
You've had a heap of trauma, I am so sorry about that. Congratulations on getting through that prosecution, it takes a lot of bravery to be able to do that. Your polite introduction, your awareness, and your brilliant use of english, is it really your second language? Do you ever do translation?, anyway, it makes me think that you are worth looking after and that you deserve better in your life. I forget to look after myself from time to time so I go and read a list that I made, it includes nice things that people have said to me, nice events that had happened in my life and things I like about myself. I re-read that list whenever I feel as though I am being too hard on myself.
I suspect that all of us here have gone through periods of thinking that we are crazy, that if only we could do the right, magical yet ill-defined mysterious thing, then life would get better. Believing in ourselves doesn't come naturally but once we start, like you are now, we come to feel empowered and somehow liberated. We learn to value our own peace of mind and serenity and that is such a wonderful gift.
PS . You can start a new thread whenever you want to, it can be helpful if it is a new topic, or you can continue on this thread if you want to carry on with the same conversation for a while. We are chatty bunch, and it is lovely to have you join us.
I am pleased that you have attended an alanon meeting and felt calm after. That is why we urge members to keep coming back. Recovery in a process and in the beginning of my alanon journey, I attended sometimes 2 meetings a day.
There is help and hope for all the issues that you will discover.
You have identified some unhealthy behaviors, that is huge. We are responsible for our own happiness, and we definitely can't be heal to find happiness if we keep throwing bandaids on deep wounds.
The people here are wonderful and so helpful. I'm rather new myself, and in just a few short weeks this group has helped change my perspective on so many ideas I had.
Start threads, ask questions, seek support from the people that understand where you are coming from.
Sending you STRENGTH!!