Yesterday I found this site and have found some posts here that were really relatable offering a level of support while I was simultaneously being emotionally accosted by my ABF.
Got cursed out all day on and off , had videos sent to me ranging from what would be considered "romantic " to hardcore rap which degrades and disrespects women and told up until 8pm that he was "on his way " .
Finally at 8:15 he texts me "hi ! Come see me " accompanied. Y a smiley face emoji .
This morning I receive a text message saying he was free to run errands with me and would spend the day with me , with an apology absent .
About an hour later he tells me he's at the location that we were to meet in the afternoon, doesn't have all day and has plans - finally telling me that he cannot see me today .
I am just so disgusted to my core and so very tired of feeling hurt and emotional despair over this guy who clearly had no love towards me as he claims .
The problem is I spent the whole time in this relationship alone , fell in love with his "representative " and now I'm feeling abandoned and discarded .
I don't know any of the al-anon principals or tools so I'm not sure how to cope .
My stomach is feeling twisted in knots , just sick !!
I don't have anyone I could consider a friend and my family is let's say " everyone concerned with themselves "
Someone help !!! I can't bare these fomhd of loss , being lost , neglected and discarded anymore !!
el-cee said
Oct 3, 2016
I think you describe how alcoholism feels, the chaos, irrational behaviour and thinking, the rollercoaster of feelings and emotions. I hated this insanity in mymlife but at the same time became addicted to it believing if i was good enough i could tame this beast. I took a long time to learn there was no taming it there was learning about it, learning about me and learnign how to live a spiritual life through alanon meetings sponsor service work etc. There is hope and it sounds like you want change.
Gbracero123 said
Oct 3, 2016
Thank you .. yes. How do I go about getting myself a sponsor ?
hotrod said
Oct 3, 2016
Attend a few alanon face to face meetings and ask someone who sounds as if they have recovery. Good luck Keep coming back here as well.
alanon tools that helped me were:
Live one day at a time-- forget about yesterday and donot project into tomorrow- live in this day only.
Focus on yourself what you need and want-(Do not expect alcoholic partner to provide this )
Pray
Gbracero123 said
Oct 3, 2016
Thank you HotRod!!
I see that they have a meeting literally DOWN THE BLOCK from me on fridays..
If my work schedule permits.. I will be there, my life depends on it!!!
Iamhere said
Oct 3, 2016
GB - if you have access to a local library, you can perhaps check on some Al-Anon literature. If you go to the official Al-Anon website, you'll see a list of books that we read/use to 'right-size' our mind. If you don't have access to a library, you can order books online or at any Al-Anon meeting. Literature for me is a must-have. Keep coming back!
I think you describe how alcoholism feels, the chaos, irrational behaviour and thinking, the rollercoaster of feelings and emotions. I hated this insanity in mymlife but at the same time became addicted to it believing if i was good enough i could tame this beast. I took a long time to learn there was no taming it there was learning about it, learning about me and learnign how to live a spiritual life through alanon meetings sponsor service work etc. There is hope and it sounds like you want change.
Attend a few alanon face to face meetings and ask someone who sounds as if they have recovery. Good luck
Keep coming back here as well.
alanon tools that helped me were:
Live one day at a time-- forget about yesterday and donot project into tomorrow- live in this day only.
Focus on yourself what you need and want-(Do not expect alcoholic partner to provide this )
Pray
I see that they have a meeting literally DOWN THE BLOCK from me on fridays..
If my work schedule permits.. I will be there, my life depends on it!!!