I am new to all of this. My husband is currently 24 days into inpatient rehab because of pain pill addiction and has another 10 days to go. He broke down and came clean about being addicted about 4 weeks ago. I'm not proud of my initial reaction but it would take explaining the last 20 years for someone else to truly understand my feelings about this. I was angry and didn't handle things very well, but there have been so many instances when he jeopardized our livelihood and existence. I was at a point where I couldn't take anymore. He has a pattern of just plainly screwing things up never mind the consequences and any responsibilities he has. Now I do care deeply for him and after I calmed down I decided to give him one more chance because I hear him acknowledging all his shortcomings and screw ups, which is something he had never done before. I can see the man he used to reemerging but in a more mature way. Treatment is doing him a world of good. While he's getting help dealing with his addiction and starting on the road to recovery I'm left to deal with it on my own. I've been reading a lot about addiction to learn the dynamics and other literature but I need more. I need support. So here I am. I also plan to attend meetings when my schedule allows me to but I still feel alone. My family is all the way back home in Germany and I have just told them about this in a letter. My mom is to call me this morning and I'm so nervous about it. I do not know why I waited so long to tell them. I think it was partly because I felt ashamed to admit his problem. I'm worried that they now will hate him and withdraw from me for making the decision to stick by him or something like that. I only have his family here to support me and they have been great but it's not a substitute for your own family giving you love and support. But I shouldn't feel ashamed for what he did and this problem, or should I? I think that he has to face them and their possible judgement. You see once again I worry about other's reactions and what they may think about me. It's not fair that he put me into this position. I have to work on myself and my sanity. I hope to find some of that here. I made a poster board to remind me of the 3 C's: I didn't cause it. I cannot control it. I cannot cure it.
So, first up this week is actually family week at the treatment center. It begins tomorrow and I am supposed to read an impact letter stating how his addiction affected me and my feelings about it. How does one write that without sounding accusatory? I have been taking the 2 1/2 hour drive every Sunday to visit with him. Our daughter came with me too and yesterday his parents came as well. Those visits went well. And I enjoyed seeing him but this week is different. I've written him letters where I let him have it already now I'm supposed to do it in an open setting? I am a very private person and this will be difficult. We have discussed a lot of things already and have come to a starting point to rebuild now I feel I'm being asked to beat him down again.
Thank you all for listening.
hotrod said
Oct 3, 2016
Hello ilocapp welcome, Being asked to write an impact letter:when a partner is in treatment s usual. I tried to keep the focus on myself, used "I feel"/ I felt statements and tried to avoid blame and judgment.
Alanon is a recovery program for family members who have lived with the disease of alcoholism. Face to face meetings are held in most communities and the hot line number is in the white pages. It is here I found a supportive network of people who truly understand, new constructive tools to live by and a place to practice my new tools.While your husband is obtaining treatment, it would be beneficial for you to search out support for yourself.
Keep coming back here as well. There is hope .
Iamhere said
Oct 3, 2016
ilocapp - I too send a hello and a warm welcome to MIP. I'm with Betty - using I statements and thinking through how the disease has affected you vs. him vs. we will be healing and therapeutic in many ways. The best way you can support him is to work on you and as Betty suggests, Al-Anon is a great place to start. We often have distorted thinking and ways of coping that are caused by the disease. Al-Anon will help you to recovery from the affects of the disease, and give you tools for coping with living with recovery and the affects of the disease.
Please keep coming back and know that you are not alone - there is help and hope in recovery!
Hello All,
I am new to all of this. My husband is currently 24 days into inpatient rehab because of pain pill addiction and has another 10 days to go. He broke down and came clean about being addicted about 4 weeks ago. I'm not proud of my initial reaction but it would take explaining the last 20 years for someone else to truly understand my feelings about this. I was angry and didn't handle things very well, but there have been so many instances when he jeopardized our livelihood and existence. I was at a point where I couldn't take anymore. He has a pattern of just plainly screwing things up never mind the consequences and any responsibilities he has. Now I do care deeply for him and after I calmed down I decided to give him one more chance because I hear him acknowledging all his shortcomings and screw ups, which is something he had never done before. I can see the man he used to reemerging but in a more mature way. Treatment is doing him a world of good. While he's getting help dealing with his addiction and starting on the road to recovery I'm left to deal with it on my own. I've been reading a lot about addiction to learn the dynamics and other literature but I need more. I need support. So here I am. I also plan to attend meetings when my schedule allows me to but I still feel alone. My family is all the way back home in Germany and I have just told them about this in a letter. My mom is to call me this morning and I'm so nervous about it. I do not know why I waited so long to tell them. I think it was partly because I felt ashamed to admit his problem. I'm worried that they now will hate him and withdraw from me for making the decision to stick by him or something like that. I only have his family here to support me and they have been great but it's not a substitute for your own family giving you love and support. But I shouldn't feel ashamed for what he did and this problem, or should I? I think that he has to face them and their possible judgement. You see once again I worry about other's reactions and what they may think about me. It's not fair that he put me into this position. I have to work on myself and my sanity. I hope to find some of that here. I made a poster board to remind me of the 3 C's: I didn't cause it. I cannot control it. I cannot cure it.
So, first up this week is actually family week at the treatment center. It begins tomorrow and I am supposed to read an impact letter stating how his addiction affected me and my feelings about it. How does one write that without sounding accusatory? I have been taking the 2 1/2 hour drive every Sunday to visit with him. Our daughter came with me too and yesterday his parents came as well. Those visits went well. And I enjoyed seeing him but this week is different. I've written him letters where I let him have it already now I'm supposed to do it in an open setting? I am a very private person and this will be difficult. We have discussed a lot of things already and have come to a starting point to rebuild now I feel I'm being asked to beat him down again.
Thank you all for listening.
Hello ilocapp welcome, Being asked to write an impact letter:when a partner is in treatment s usual. I tried to keep the focus on myself, used "I feel"/ I felt statements and tried to avoid blame and judgment.
Alanon is a recovery program for family members who have lived with the disease of alcoholism. Face to face meetings are held in most communities and the hot line number is in the white pages. It is here I found a supportive network of people who truly understand, new constructive tools to live by and a place to practice my new tools.While your husband is obtaining treatment, it would be beneficial for you to search out support for yourself.
Keep coming back here as well. There is hope .
Please keep coming back and know that you are not alone - there is help and hope in recovery!