New here, but not new to alcoholism. ;) I am an ACOA, as is my husband. Weve been attending ala non recently (been to 5-6 meetings) Not sure how we got away without having issues with alcohlic drinking (maybe it skips a generation? I'm aware that we have psychological scars from our parents) , but now our 18 year old twins with high functioning autism are out if control. I recently sectioned 35'ed one of them. He spent 3 weeks in a facility. He doesn't drink daily but when he does he becomes suicidal (including the incident that I sectioned him over- He hit himself in the head with a hammer and attacked his father) He was home from rehab 36 hours when I found him passed out on the lawn in 48 degree rainy weather covered in vomit last night. Six hours later he was up and laughing about it with his twin. I overheard them talking about all the pills and alcohol they took/drank. I can't say I was surprised. It's like for 36 hours I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. When it dropped, It felt weirdly intensely anxiety producing and "normal" at the same time? This has been going on and off (mainly on) for 3 years now. It started with stealing cold meds and huffing gasoline, aresols, making alcohol in their closets, hallucinogenics, any and all pills, stealing alcohol, money, a 12 hour police chase/search at age 17. DYS, rehab, mental hospitals, therapy, etc.
The Autism makes it difficult for me to know the right thing to do and impossible for them to make rational decisions. The other twin is enamored with the idea of being homeless. He THRIVES on adrenaline and the streets and the crazy dangerous people he surrounds himself with provide that.
At a loss as to what to do next. This is NOT what I envisioned life would be when I begged the doctors to save their lives 18 years ago when they weighed just 2.5 lbs and 1 lb 10 ounces. I feel that maybe the trauma from their prematurity damaged their brains and I have destined them to a life of misery. Then I tell myself to shut up and get tough. Lol so conflicted.
hotrod said
Oct 3, 2016
((themoonandthestars))) I am happy that you have found alanon meetings and that you and hubby are attending. I am sure ,that by now, you have learned that alcoholism is a chronic disease over which we are powerless.
Alanon will provide healthy tools to live by and a supportive community in which to share and grow. I am so sorry that this disease as well as autism is affecting your twins and urge you to consult the medical profession for support in handling this dangerous situation.
Positive thoughts and prayers on the way.
el-cee said
Oct 3, 2016
Im sorry, this sounds like hell. Would you consider putting them out the house? I know it goes against the whole 'Mother' role that can imprison us but how on earth can you live this way for long? What about the other members of your family, what about you? In my experience the longer you live with this the longer it will go on. If you make a stand, put them out, let them see how much fun it is in the real world with their own consequences. could be an excellent learning opportunity for them. I think we all have a touch of high functioning Autism, they are young men behaving very badly, not sure anything excuses that and nothing changes unless something changes so maybe changing something here is the best gift you could give them.
el-cee said
Oct 3, 2016
Also, doesn't sound much like a life of misery to me, sounds more like two spoilt brats taking the absolute micky out of their family and getting away with it and getting sympathy into the bargain.
geems said
Oct 3, 2016
So glad you've found alanon. Thanks for sharing your story!
Iamhere said
Oct 3, 2016
Welcome to MIP moonandstars - so glad you found us and so glad that you shared. I too am glad to hear that you and your husband have begun to attend Al-Anon....I have 2 sons, 2 years apart and they are both qualifiers....it's been a rough road and Al-Anon saved my sanity!
This disease is a baffling and powerful one - it takes hold and changes/affects us all. I am sorry that your boys have more issues to deal with - that makes the whole processing and recovery a bit more difficult. Please engage with your program as best as you can and know there is help and hope.
There were moments where I truly wanted to just throw in the towel. I am glad that Al-Anon restore my sanity enough to regain control over myself, my home and my grace and dignity.
Please keep coming back - you are not alone!
themoonandthestars said
Oct 3, 2016
Really toying with the idea of dropping them off at a local shelter......but my heart hurts when I think about it. Or perhaps I could tell them thus is a sober house, 3 meetings a week and random drug testing required to live here. Their choice. Or is that me trying to control the disease? Gah. I need a meeting so bad, but I live rurally (most meetings are an hour away), work most mornings, afternoons, and evenings right now while the one other employee is out of state taking care if her dying father. It's home healthcare so not going in jeopardizes the safety of a 91 year old woman. Not complaining, just thinking out loud here. I know a solution will materialize.
Iamhere said
Oct 3, 2016
I tried keeping them here and enforcing recovery.....it did not work well. I did establish a sober residence and was willing (and did) call the police when they were doing illegal things in my residence. I also took mine to shelters, detox centers, recovery centers and many other things. It's hard as he!! to let them go - I totally understand. In my home, I had to - I could not live with the insanity any more.
Mine would be willing to comply (in words) and then revert back to what they wanted/needed to do. You are right - a solution will materialize and there is hope/help. I dropped mine off at various times at AA halls and told them I would only pick them up if someone signed a slip suggested they had been at a meeting!!!
All of this was me trying to cure/control them. I didn't know what else to do.....so get where you are at! Keep the faith and try the online meetings here - they are helpful!
el-cee said
Oct 3, 2016
I got to the stage where it's not about looking for solutions to their disease it's about finding solutions to my own disease. I got sick living with the insanity and I was part of the problem while I was living it and it was ruling me. Putting my son out was about saving me and he got to make decisions for his own life whether good or bad.
hotrod said
Oct 3, 2016
Hi again,
My niece has a 19 year old son with autism and I know she has received support from this agency:
Nationwidesupport groupthat promotes lifelong access and opportunities for persons within theautismspectrum and their families to be fully included
Alcoholism is a dreadful disease but combined with autism you have your hands full
Good luck and positive thoughts on the way
geems said
Oct 3, 2016
themoonandthestars wrote:
Really toying with the idea of dropping them off at a local shelter......but my heart hurts when I think about it. Or perhaps I could tell them thus is a sober house, 3 meetings a week and random drug testing required to live here. Their choice. Or is that me trying to control the disease? Gah. I need a meeting so bad, but I live rurally (most meetings are an hour away), work most mornings, afternoons, and evenings right now while the one other employee is out of state taking care if her dying father. It's home healthcare so not going in jeopardizes the safety of a 91 year old woman. Not complaining, just thinking out loud here. I know a solution will materialize.
There are two meetings a day here. Anybody is welcome to attend. No driving required. A stretched to the limit, overworked and overstressed health care provider working 24/7 is jeopardizing their clients care. A health care provider can't provide what they don't have. Are there regulations in place that prevent you from hiring a temporary person while your permanent person is away? Good luck.
a4l said
Oct 3, 2016
Boundaries and autism. Oh s*"#, was my first thought. Different functioning brains to begin with, having ingested mood and mind altering substances on top. Scary. I don't know about them enough to really even suggest anything......do they love information? Bombard them with the science then detach? Do they even grasp consequences? I really wonder if there are support services for this, for them and for you. Sending you prayers.
themoonandthestars said
Oct 4, 2016
A4l--it sounds like you really understand where I am coming from. Oh s*"# is exactly where we have been since they were about 4 years old. We even sent the more violent one to residential school TWICE. The first time it was for strangling his twin so hard that the twin vomited and had petechial hemmorhaging. All because his brother walked in the room while he was building a card house and the card house fell. It's been quite a trip with these two. I'm not surprised that we are now facing addiction issues, but I am TIRED. 18 years of fighting for and with these two has left me exhausted, fat, anxiety ridden. I kept thinking if I just did a little bit more, a little bit harder, eventually they would get to the point where they would need me less. So I put my needs on the back burner for nearly 2 decades now. I'm starting to realize that it will never be my turn unless I TAKE it. Enough is enough.
a4l said
Oct 4, 2016
Sending you lots of virtual support. I used to be in the "autism is a discipline issue" camp and then I had an autistic child who blew up all my preordained ideas about order and control. Suddenly, all my touches with autism previously were viewed in a different light and right next to a huge hunk of humble pie lol. Welcome to alanon. There's a bunch of literature for acoa as well, adult children of alcoholics. Something that helped me see my own conditioning was gaining an understanding of alcoholism affected family dynamics. The roles we learnt to play which extend much further beyond a repeat alcoholic. Anyway I'm glad you're here and will be wishing you and your family well.
Simpleliving said
Oct 27, 2016
Hello, I would consider autism a serious disability, no matter how high-functioning your twins are, worthy of receiving SSI benefits (social security benefits). Due to their autism my opinion would be to find Medi-Cal support for mental health benefits and/or State-funded disability support. My two kids who are high-functioning are both homeschooled and are years behind socially and emotionally from their peers. Kids on the spectrum of autism crave and thrive on highly structured routines, and need constant prompting to stay on task, even if artificially prompted with daily schedules. Highly recommend a behavioral therapist along with a neuropsych who specializes in young adult with autism. Depending on which state you live in there are many supports in place, but it varies widely by state. I can't imagine what it would be like if my children on the spectrum suffered from addiction as well. That's a tough situation to deal with. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
-- Edited by Simpleliving on Thursday 27th of October 2016 06:54:51 PM
Jerry F said
Oct 27, 2016
(((((Moon and Stars)))) "...the courage to change the things we can." I will add my prayers to your efforts in this and hope you some success. God that's awful. I use to work with a lot of addicted and affected teens and cannot remember autism being involved at all and thinking about it gives me the depressions. In support. (((hugs)))
PatG1025 said
Oct 27, 2016
I am so very very sorry (((((Moon and Stars)))) this is heart breaking.
I wish they could get in some kind of treatment program that would help them medically and psychologically to get them stabilized because it sounds as if they are medicating themselves.
New here, but not new to alcoholism. ;) I am an ACOA, as is my husband. Weve been attending ala non recently (been to 5-6 meetings) Not sure how we got away without having issues with alcohlic drinking (maybe it skips a generation? I'm aware that we have psychological scars from our parents) , but now our 18 year old twins with high functioning autism are out if control. I recently sectioned 35'ed one of them. He spent 3 weeks in a facility. He doesn't drink daily but when he does he becomes suicidal (including the incident that I sectioned him over- He hit himself in the head with a hammer and attacked his father) He was home from rehab 36 hours when I found him passed out on the lawn in 48 degree rainy weather covered in vomit last night. Six hours later he was up and laughing about it with his twin. I overheard them talking about all the pills and alcohol they took/drank. I can't say I was surprised. It's like for 36 hours I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. When it dropped, It felt weirdly intensely anxiety producing and "normal" at the same time? This has been going on and off (mainly on) for 3 years now. It started with stealing cold meds and huffing gasoline, aresols, making alcohol in their closets, hallucinogenics, any and all pills, stealing alcohol, money, a 12 hour police chase/search at age 17. DYS, rehab, mental hospitals, therapy, etc.
The Autism makes it difficult for me to know the right thing to do and impossible for them to make rational decisions. The other twin is enamored with the idea of being homeless. He THRIVES on adrenaline and the streets and the crazy dangerous people he surrounds himself with provide that.
At a loss as to what to do next. This is NOT what I envisioned life would be when I begged the doctors to save their lives 18 years ago when they weighed just 2.5 lbs and 1 lb 10 ounces. I feel that maybe the trauma from their prematurity damaged their brains and I have destined them to a life of misery. Then I tell myself to shut up and get tough. Lol so conflicted.
((themoonandthestars))) I am happy that you have found alanon meetings and that you and hubby are attending. I am sure ,that by now, you have learned that alcoholism is a chronic disease over which we are powerless.
Alanon will provide healthy tools to live by and a supportive community in which to share and grow.
I am so sorry that this disease as well as autism is affecting your twins and urge you to consult the medical profession for support in handling this dangerous situation.
Positive thoughts and prayers on the way.
Im sorry, this sounds like hell. Would you consider putting them out the house? I know it goes against the whole 'Mother' role that can imprison us but how on earth can you live this way for long? What about the other members of your family, what about you? In my experience the longer you live with this the longer it will go on. If you make a stand, put them out, let them see how much fun it is in the real world with their own consequences. could be an excellent learning opportunity for them. I think we all have a touch of high functioning Autism, they are young men behaving very badly, not sure anything excuses that and nothing changes unless something changes so maybe changing something here is the best gift you could give them.
This disease is a baffling and powerful one - it takes hold and changes/affects us all. I am sorry that your boys have more issues to deal with - that makes the whole processing and recovery a bit more difficult. Please engage with your program as best as you can and know there is help and hope.
There were moments where I truly wanted to just throw in the towel. I am glad that Al-Anon restore my sanity enough to regain control over myself, my home and my grace and dignity.
Please keep coming back - you are not alone!
Mine would be willing to comply (in words) and then revert back to what they wanted/needed to do. You are right - a solution will materialize and there is hope/help. I dropped mine off at various times at AA halls and told them I would only pick them up if someone signed a slip suggested they had been at a meeting!!!
All of this was me trying to cure/control them. I didn't know what else to do.....so get where you are at! Keep the faith and try the online meetings here - they are helpful!
I got to the stage where it's not about looking for solutions to their disease it's about finding solutions to my own disease. I got sick living with the insanity and I was part of the problem while I was living it and it was ruling me. Putting my son out was about saving me and he got to make decisions for his own life whether good or bad.
Hi again,
My niece has a 19 year old son with autism and I know she has received support from this agency:
l
Autism Society of America - Official Site
www.autism-society.org
Nationwide support group that promotes lifelong access and opportunities for persons within the autism spectrum and their families to be fully included
Alcoholism is a dreadful disease but combined with autism you have your hands full
Good luck and positive thoughts on the way
There are two meetings a day here. Anybody is welcome to attend. No driving required. A stretched to the limit, overworked and overstressed health care provider working 24/7 is jeopardizing their clients care. A health care provider can't provide what they don't have. Are there regulations in place that prevent you from hiring a temporary person while your permanent person is away? Good luck.
Hello, I would consider autism a serious disability, no matter how high-functioning your twins are, worthy of receiving SSI benefits (social security benefits). Due to their autism my opinion would be to find Medi-Cal support for mental health benefits and/or State-funded disability support. My two kids who are high-functioning are both homeschooled and are years behind socially and emotionally from their peers. Kids on the spectrum of autism crave and thrive on highly structured routines, and need constant prompting to stay on task, even if artificially prompted with daily schedules. Highly recommend a behavioral therapist along with a neuropsych who specializes in young adult with autism. Depending on which state you live in there are many supports in place, but it varies widely by state. I can't imagine what it would be like if my children on the spectrum suffered from addiction as well. That's a tough situation to deal with. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
-- Edited by Simpleliving on Thursday 27th of October 2016 06:54:51 PM
(((((Moon and Stars)))) "...the courage to change the things we can." I will add my prayers to your efforts in this and hope you some success. God that's awful. I use to work with a lot of addicted and affected teens and cannot remember autism being involved at all and thinking about it gives me the depressions. In support. (((hugs)))
I wish they could get in some kind of treatment program that would help them medically and psychologically to get them stabilized because it sounds as if they are medicating themselves.
This breaks my heart.