I am NEW to this site and the concept of al-anon but am no stranger to being dragged along by an alcoholic loved one . About two years ago while in the middle of extreme crisis - living in and out of homeless shelters and sleeping on and off everyone's couch and even in my car with my three children I came across let's call him a "friend of my uncles or family" online who expressed the desire to be a "friend " to me as I was estranged and black balled from my family with no one to turn to . He invited me out to a brunch at IHOP with him and a few friends if his and to my Demise I accepted after rejecting any invite for the past two and a half years . Of everyone I chose to accept his invite for some reason . One thing lead to another and we became what he lead on as "an item " at the time , professing his " love " for me and posing his intentions to be the one that sticks by my side , and not turning his back on me as my famil and "friends" have . He even went as far as to ask if he could sit down and have a talk with my 12 year old son to assure him that he was no threat and there to love and support us. A few weeks in, he showed up "buzzed" to one of our dates and I expressed openly that this kind of thing was not for me as I have lost my father to an overdose . He responded that he appreciated my honesty and concern and would refrain from drinking all together . Fast forward a few months . After prayer night at church we walked to his car so I could grab my charger out but as I went to go near him he avoided me going to the other side of the car . After I picked up my charger and closed the. At door he got into the drivers seat and drive off with no words exchanged . Suddenly I receive a text message from him saying his good byes in a rude manner . He then blocked me from calling . Being in the fragile emotional state from my hardships during the time he met me , I was crushed as I felt used (sexually ) and discarded after keeling to myself for so long and abandoned by everyone else -he came along with his promises and abruptly left without remorse speaking to me so crudely after promising to "protect me from any further pain ". Days later he emails me his apologies and silly me accepts and move forward with him. A synopsis of our dealings since then : He deliberately gets me pregnant , invites me to move in with the children , then mistreats me , abusing me making my children feel unwelcome and mocking me infrint of his friends as he openly drank everyday -some days from the moment he woke up . He mocked me to his friends calling me a "bum , homeless girl , bird , street rat,etc." He called a family member that he KNEW through my confiding him ( he urged me to be open and honest ) that this family member and I were at extreme odds; to tell half truths and have me looking like a monster and an irresponsible pig , even denying that it was his child . Finally he kicked the children and me out onto the street via the police in broad day light , waiting until after our lunch was delivered and we were eating . My car was so packed that there was no room for the children to sit . He came back a month later with all these promises AGAIN, that he would not drink anymore saying he was overwhelmed with the baby and death of hi grandmother happening so closely . By then I had a abortion , could not have another child alone , homeless, jobless etc. We moved Back in and drinking and parting started again with all that came with it . The abuse , physical And emotional , badgering me , mocking me, putting me down and finally he got physical and was arrested . An order of protection was put in place so now he couldn't kick us out . Fast forward through the abuse , the pressure , causing me despesssion etc. I was called for a job to work for the state . This was his invitation and opportunity to start financially abusing me and THAT he did . Charging me for rent he never forwards to the landlord . Was getting evicted but got a o e shot deal from the govt. by then the driving stoped for 6 months and all was well , compared to what we were going through previously . Once I found a apt for myself , he disappeared again , leaving me with no one to bring my son to school adding an additional cost of 300 per month . He broke up with me abruptly and immediately went back to sleep with his ex Again!! He came bank again and I took him back again !! Promises AGAIN!!! He wanted us to be PURE with each other , started staying by me , was a part of an eviction proceeding again as he never paid rent after the government just paid 14,000.00 to prevent his eviction. The drinking resumed immediately and I found out he was sleeping with his EX while sleeping with me this time sometimes on the Same day ! I spoke with her and she told me all of the horrible things he said about me , my body , told hey my Salary , all of my business and spoke poorly of my children . I blocked him but he emailed me . Saying he's sorry and needs help . He began staying with me again, I r supported him on every way AGAIN, giving him money , he never had to pay for anything as he still was not working . Yesterday after I went to work , he gathered all of his things and went back to his apt . Texting me after he'd done that saying we need space but would CK tinye counseling . Last night he called and said he was slebung time with his male friends and promised to call when he got home and would be at the therapy session Counseling is in less than one hour and he has not picked up his phone . I need help and support to get beyond this . I realize I am an enabler , allowing him to abuse me as well , take advantage of me humiliating myself , am codependent and do not have the strength on my own to get myself out of this . In sleeping around on me he has given me an STD . At this point I just want to crawl in a Hole. Please help !!!! ( I'm so sorry for the long post but I am lost )

Gbracero123 - Welcome to MIP - glad that you found us and glad that you shared. I would suggest that you find Al-Anon meetings in your area and begin attending. The disease of addiction - alcohol or other - is powerful and progressive. I am sorry for the circumstances you're in and hope that you find fellowship, hope and help soon. There is no shame in loving an alcoholic, but there is a way to regain our own strength, sanity and joy again - that's through our own recovery.

The program showed me how to put me first and take care of me. The program taught me how to become self-reliant and about healthy relationships. I also learned a ton of how the disease affects those who live with it or love one with it. It's a disease, and left untreated, will progress. We did not cause it, can't control it or cure it, but we can heal ourselves from the affects through recovery.

Keep coming back - there is help and hope!

GB - I'm sorry to hear what you're going through but I'm glad you found Al anon and are seeking help. I agree with Jerry and Iamhere, seek out a face to face meeting if you can. It's important to build a support system and bond with people who just get it.

I can relate to the feeling of being trapped, and that's a tough place to be. I hope you're able to make yourself and your healing a priority, take care.

Thank you all for your support and kind words . You all understand the heartache I'm experiencing everyday , al day . Throughout today , I've experienced him randomly calling me slurred speech one minute it's the most vulgar things being said and the next. All is "you know I didn't mean any of it ". HES been sending me very nasty disrespectful text messages knowing that I cannot respond because he blocked me ! What a nightmare !!! Total heartache . He resurfaced at the therapist office EARLY not knowing that I rescheduled for a later time today and was FURIOUS that I didn't have my phone in. My hand when he called but doesn't acknowledge that he dodged my phone calls all morning when I tried to wake him up ... This is abuse !!! This is abuse that I am welcoming and asking for as I am well Aware that he is TOXIC but for some reason I'm sad with I'm or without him , either way . I feel as if I totally forgot who I am ....

Thank you .. I need to hear all of this .. I'm reaching out for rescue .. Someone just posted that an al-anon meeting was going on .. how do I enter the chat ?

Hi G Click on this link www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Thank you so much ! I joined but if kept kicking me out

Did you select a logon name and type in" hello" when you entered?

Yes ! I was in and chose a nickname but it kept kicking me out so I was unable to keep up with the meeting in the chat room . Also , because I am new I was unaware of or when I should share or if I was supposed to just read . Can you please tell me when the next meeting is ? I understand at least that this is a must in order for me to begin recovery . I am in a very conflicted space and as I've mentioned that trapped feeling is still present . A part of me continues to tug at my spirit to tell me to run for my life and sanity but there is something also present that keeps me way beyond engaged and in a state of depression whether he's around due to the abuse and inconsistencies ( lies , cheating , manipulation , humiliation ) or when he's not around ( feeling rejected , lonely and lost) MY better sense is telling me this will not get better ( for ME) if I remain in the state that I am in and if I remain with him Edie silly as his doormat .. Thanks

GB - meeting schedule is located at the top of this page, left hand side. When you sign in, there should be an overview that will tell you if a meeting is in progress. When you sign in, you can see who else is present by looking on the right hand side. I am not certain why you were getting booted - it doesn't do that regularly - perhaps a system issue last evening.

If you join the chat/meeting room, and no meeting is in progress, there are others, randomly, to talk with. If you join during a meeting, it's as if you have come into a local meeting late - don't interrupt, just follow what is suggested and you should be fine!!

Perhaps instead of running away, try to just walk to a meeting....you will be welcomed and find local support in recovery!

Hope this helps!

I will be attending my first meeting this Friday coming!
Thank yOU!

Thanks for posting that Freetime - I always forget about other resources. Another thought that popped into my mind was searching for Al-Anon speaker's stories. I've never listened online, only in meetings, but I know many here who struggle to get to meetings have also tapped into speaker tapes/recordings.

Keep coming back GB - the passion you show for wanting to change will carry you to/through recovery!

Thank you ! I'm just scared ! I KNOW. I cannot do this alone