I have lost a friend today. He was not only a principal in my district, but also a father to four of my daughter's best friends. He left behind two amazing boys and his wife who is one of my best friends. He was an extremely good man and a Godly man.
I felt very angry at my AH today for things that are mediocre compared to what they are going through. I can't believe that I am still angry at my AH after such a tragedy. I had two hours to listen to two Al-Anon podcasts and have come to a realization. I am at the very beginning of recovery, but need to start focusing on my recovery, not my AH's. I now know enough to know I don't know enough. I need to regain some power and that is NOT concentrating on what my husband does or does not do, but how I react to that or not react to that then it is time to put that in action. I have to admit, I was put out at first with Al-Anon, thinking that it was about letting the AH treat me and do whatever he wants to me and me figuring out how not to feel about that. I am beginning to understand how this works. Lots of horrible things have happened this year that has affected me and it is time to start concentrating on me now. The only person I have any control of is me. I can't sit around waiting for my husband to be someone I have always wanted him to be. He is sober now and I thought that is all I would need to fix all of our problems. How naive was that? I don't have the answers tonight. But tonight I know where to start and how to start my recovery.
-- Edited by CEH on Tuesday 27th of September 2016 08:58:44 PM
hotrod said
Sep 27, 2016
((Chrystal)) I am sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. Prayers and positive thoughts for the family
I am pleased that you have come to the realization that the alanon principle of keeping the focus on yourself is the best way to begin to develop new tools to live by and a healthy way to learn to not react but to respond. Keep on keeping on
Iamhere said
Sep 27, 2016
(((Crystal))) - I too am so sorry for your loss. Loss is so tough and I really get sad when there are children left behind. I can relate to your awareness - I went to Al-Anon for answers how to fix others. I was just not sure about all this when I was told I needed to work on me and that I was part of the problem. It took me time to understand and accept how powerless I am over others.
I'm also sending prayers for the family of the friend and you too. Keep doing what you're doing and keep coming back!
CEH said
Sep 27, 2016
Thank you both for your support. I didn't just lose my friend Kevin, but also lost my niece last week. She was only 29 years old who just brought her baby home from the hospital on Friday and died Sunday morning from a pre-existing heart condition, she had a daughter that was in 2nd grade and had only been married to her husband since May. Lots of tragedies have happened this year. Al-Anon is definitely a step in the right direction for myself.
hotrod said
Sep 27, 2016
I am so very sorry to hear of this additional loss. Prayers continue and please do keep coming back program works especially with unexpected loss and sadness. One Day at a Time living in the moment we can keep showing up.
milkwood said
Sep 28, 2016
(((((Crystal)))))
I am so sorry for the loss of precious people in your life, it isn't easy and I'm sending prayers to you and your friends and family.
When I came to the realisations that you describe here it changed my life in a quiet but powerful way.
I'm often reminded about how beautiful the world is and sometimes I'm reminded about how tragic it can seem as well. I live in central Italy, overlooking some beautiful mountains in a landscape that combines rugged rocks with ancient smoothed out hillsides. I love this area very much indeed. But when we had a large earthquake recently it shook my faith and made me a bit scared of the landscape in which I stood. But that was my thinking and it was getting in the way of my acceptance of what is, and what sometimes comes to pass. I am coming to appreciate these hillsides again, learning to take the rough with the smooth, being gentle with myself when times feel tough. Remembering and storing up good things when I can. My Al-anon learning has helped me with all that as well.
Be gentle with yourself. ((((Hugs))))
Iamhere said
Sep 28, 2016
(((Crystal))) - continued thoughts and prayers headed your way this morning. You are not alone...keep coming back!
Bethany66 said
Sep 28, 2016
So sorry for your losses Crystal. That is almost too much to bear. I send prayers for peace and comfort for you and yours.
Sometimes the loss of those we care about can bring us to a new place in our recovery. We realize the brevity of life and determine that we need more serenity in what time we do have.
I hope you can somehow transform these losses in to something positive in your own self. If that is possible, I don't know. Sometimes the pain of loss is just that, pain.
Again, please accept my condolences. I am truly sorry for your losses.
((((Hugs))))
KennyFenderjazz said
Sep 28, 2016
I am sorry for you loss, but extremely happy with you insight!
Kenny
CH_Husband_Dad said
Sep 28, 2016
Just now saw this. I am so sorry. I'll be thinking about you and your family,.
Jerry F said
Sep 28, 2016
Crystal...sharing the sadness with you. Losses like those create holes in our lives which are difficult to fill. I am grateful for the program and its principle of acceptance and detaching and being powerless. Those have helped me tons thru losses like these. (((((hugs)))))
sunmustshine said
Sep 29, 2016
Crystal, I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers to you and the families. Take good care of yourself and do what brings you comfort.
lookingup said
Sep 29, 2016
Crystal,I'm sorry to for both your losses,program does work,I'm learning to use the tools of alanon,it works keep coming back here and posting,.....be praying for you and families also during this time of tragic losses......thanks for being here.....lu Just a reminder there's a mip meeting here in the chat room at 9 am.....come join us.
CEH said
Sep 29, 2016
I agree with all of you. I too believe that Al-Anon will give me the tools to deal with anything that comes my way. It is definitely a way of life and doesn't just help with the alcoholics in your life. Life is tough and I think we all need every tool in our tool box to get through it. I wouldn't even say just get through it, but live life and enjoy it. I am feeling better and less bitter all the time. My anger is starting to subside. It isn't gone mind you, but it is a start. Thank you all for your encouragement. ((Hugs)) to all!
tiredtonite said
Sep 29, 2016
I'm so sorry for these terrible losses you've experienced this year. You have awareness about your own needs using the tools of the program. Easy does it is the slogan that comes to mind. I hope you'll be gentle with yourself as you grieve. I found gratitude and prayer to be my best Alanon tools at such a time. Prayers for you, your husband and the loved ones of those you lost. (((hugs)))) TT
MeTwo2 said
Sep 30, 2016
((( hugs from this end too Crystal ))) .. alcoholism .. such a baffling thing .. it's definitely not powerless .. i am .. since i can't control cure or change anything remember my own higher power saying to me .. you have 2 choices me .. either turn everything over to me and let me take the control changing things for the better or hang on to the control and let ''it all control you .. (since again i couldn't control a thing in 'or around me) .. ((for clarity purposes adding .. when i share the word alcoholism many times it's metaphorically speaking and not the actual bottle)) (many times it's just the substitution of .. admitted we were powerless over alcohol (people, places, situations, life events, things)) ..
I am glad you are choosing to come to alanon .. yes it will help .. i can't imagine having to go through it 'alone .. part of what made things 'so much harder .. I tried to keep all the pain of it all stuffed .. imagine that .. heartache and headaches for sure .. i was alone though too because i wasn't aware there were others with similar experiences .. thoughts .. feelings .. grievances .. when we come together we grow the power (love is the healer) .. always heard ''sharing 'halves our sorrows and doubles our joys ..
will be keeping you, the little one, and your entire family in prayers .. I love the reminder of; ''together we can make it'' ..
also wanted to share quick I too am glad you have came to this 'realization .. know many who still believe alanon is about the same .. we read in every meeting though .. ''let the love (and understanding of the program) grow in you one day at a time .. reads as this is growing in you ..
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Friday 30th of September 2016 03:34:29 AM
I have lost a friend today. He was not only a principal in my district, but also a father to four of my daughter's best friends. He left behind two amazing boys and his wife who is one of my best friends. He was an extremely good man and a Godly man.
I felt very angry at my AH today for things that are mediocre compared to what they are going through. I can't believe that I am still angry at my AH after such a tragedy. I had two hours to listen to two Al-Anon podcasts and have come to a realization. I am at the very beginning of recovery, but need to start focusing on my recovery, not my AH's. I now know enough to know I don't know enough. I need to regain some power and that is NOT concentrating on what my husband does or does not do, but how I react to that or not react to that then it is time to put that in action. I have to admit, I was put out at first with Al-Anon, thinking that it was about letting the AH treat me and do whatever he wants to me and me figuring out how not to feel about that. I am beginning to understand how this works. Lots of horrible things have happened this year that has affected me and it is time to start concentrating on me now. The only person I have any control of is me. I can't sit around waiting for my husband to be someone I have always wanted him to be. He is sober now and I thought that is all I would need to fix all of our problems. How naive was that? I don't have the answers tonight. But tonight I know where to start and how to start my recovery.
-- Edited by CEH on Tuesday 27th of September 2016 08:58:44 PM
I am pleased that you have come to the realization that the alanon principle of keeping the focus on yourself is the best way to begin to develop new tools to live by and a healthy way to learn to not react but to respond. Keep on keeping on
I'm also sending prayers for the family of the friend and you too. Keep doing what you're doing and keep coming back!
I am so sorry for the loss of precious people in your life, it isn't easy and I'm sending prayers to you and your friends and family.
When I came to the realisations that you describe here it changed my life in a quiet but powerful way.
I'm often reminded about how beautiful the world is and sometimes I'm reminded about how tragic it can seem as well. I live in central Italy, overlooking some beautiful mountains in a landscape that combines rugged rocks with ancient smoothed out hillsides. I love this area very much indeed. But when we had a large earthquake recently it shook my faith and made me a bit scared of the landscape in which I stood. But that was my thinking and it was getting in the way of my acceptance of what is, and what sometimes comes to pass. I am coming to appreciate these hillsides again, learning to take the rough with the smooth, being gentle with myself when times feel tough. Remembering and storing up good things when I can. My Al-anon learning has helped me with all that as well.
Be gentle with yourself. ((((Hugs))))
Sometimes the loss of those we care about can bring us to a new place in our recovery. We realize the brevity of life and determine that we need more serenity in what time we do have.
I hope you can somehow transform these losses in to something positive in your own self. If that is possible, I don't know. Sometimes the pain of loss is just that, pain.
Again, please accept my condolences. I am truly sorry for your losses.
((((Hugs))))
Kenny
Crystal...sharing the sadness with you. Losses like those create holes in our lives which are difficult to fill. I am grateful for the program and its principle of acceptance and detaching and being powerless. Those have helped me tons thru losses like these. (((((hugs)))))
Crystal,I'm sorry to for both your losses,program does work,I'm learning to use the tools of alanon,it works keep coming back here and posting,.....be praying for you and families also during this time of tragic losses......thanks for being here.....lu
Just a reminder there's a mip meeting here in the chat room at 9 am.....come join us.
I'm so sorry for these terrible losses you've experienced this year. You have awareness about your own needs using the tools of the program. Easy does it is the slogan that comes to mind. I hope you'll be gentle with yourself as you grieve. I found gratitude and prayer to be my best Alanon tools at such a time. Prayers for you, your husband and the loved ones of those you lost. (((hugs)))) TT
((( hugs from this end too Crystal ))) .. alcoholism .. such a baffling thing .. it's definitely not powerless .. i am .. since i can't control cure or change anything remember my own higher power saying to me .. you have 2 choices me .. either turn everything over to me and let me take the control changing things for the better or hang on to the control and let ''it all control you .. (since again i couldn't control a thing in 'or around me) .. ((for clarity purposes adding .. when i share the word alcoholism many times it's metaphorically speaking and not the actual bottle)) (many times it's just the substitution of .. admitted we were powerless over alcohol (people, places, situations, life events, things)) ..
I am glad you are choosing to come to alanon .. yes it will help .. i can't imagine having to go through it 'alone .. part of what made things 'so much harder .. I tried to keep all the pain of it all stuffed .. imagine that .. heartache and headaches for sure .. i was alone though too because i wasn't aware there were others with similar experiences .. thoughts .. feelings .. grievances .. when we come together we grow the power (love is the healer) .. always heard ''sharing 'halves our sorrows and doubles our joys ..
will be keeping you, the little one, and your entire family in prayers ..
I love the reminder of; ''together we can make it'' ..
also wanted to share quick I too am glad you have came to this 'realization .. know many who still believe alanon is about the same .. we read in every meeting though .. ''let the love (and understanding of the program) grow in you one day at a time .. reads as this is growing in you ..
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Friday 30th of September 2016 03:34:29 AM