My Alcoholic BF remains sober to this day, just over a month now since his last drink. Its been great having a sober person around. He now has become obsessed with renovating the house, and the to do list is unreal. He says this and that needs done. I am getting overloaded hearing all this. I am in fact getting stressed out hearing of all what he needs to do around the house. I keep trying to detach but its so hard, listening to this endless ramble about what has to be done around the house! In fact I feel so stressed by it all, I get headaches from it. I am like what the hell has it got to do with me..He says your home all day ( I am off work due to being sick) and its your job to find contractors for what he can not do. I am like what...since when is this all my responsibility...I am getting really resentful and angry. Even his tone of voice is getting under my skin. I am getting so stressed by all this to do list that I feel like crying. He says, I am working all day and what are you doing...nothing. I said I will make a to do list and he says why bother, you do not do it anyways. I flipped and said I do what I can. Its so hard being around him. He is just getting under my skin big time. He does not access AA only church services. He is a typical dry drunk and I am getting so angry and resentful. I feel he has lost his mind completely and is not thinking straight. He even has plans to make a kitchen in basement without the city approval or permits. Watch the house burn down due to electrical issues or plumbing issues not up to standard. He even went and got all the materials for this project..and there is the bathroom, the attic..on and on and on. I am being driven nuts by him ..I keep saying not my problem, not my problem..so I have got two contractors coming this week to do some estimates he has requested...he can deal with the problem from a professional that knows what they are talking about and he will have to pay out of his own pocket the work he wants done. Its not a necessity just a want of his. I am so fed up with his I want this done, I want this done BS...He is completely nuts I swear! Is this what sobriety brings...is this what it is all about putting up with I want this..I want this done like a child...I am so fed up. I am heading to a meeting tonight-an Al-anon meeting before I snap from the pressure he is putting on me. Then in addition he expects me to cook, clean and do all what I need for myself. I am so angry and I will be putting me first instead of his I want, I want BS...you want it done, do it yourself. I needed to vent.
Thanks,
a4l said
Sep 26, 2016
Good plan to go to a meeting. Take care, being bossed about is awful. Yes the dry drunkies can be right donkeys. My partner was also an unbelievable donkey when white knuckling and sponsoring himself between binges, and I frequently had the urge to throw water over him lol. Visualised it plenty. Do whatever you have to do to keep sane.
Iamhere said
Sep 26, 2016
(((Joker))) - untreated alcoholism is still alcoholism. The diseased mind believes all is well as the drink has been removed. The issue - the isms remain, and in my experience, not a lot changes by just removing the alcohol. In my home, when mine were white-knuckling it, I used to feel so guilty for wanting them to drink again. They were more predictable and would pass out and I'd get a break! That was before I came to Al-Anon, but when mine could not obsess about drinking/using, they would find projects and other to obsess about. It's exhausting and if you don't feel well - a recipe for extreme stress.
So glad to hear you are headed to a meeting. May you get exactly what you need to find some peace just for today. Keep working it!
KT2015 said
Sep 27, 2016
((Joker)) I'm glad you decided to go to a meeting. I find that helps me too. I can relate to the AH being demanding. Mine can get more demanding when he's not drinking too. When I am detached and doing well I can see that he has this incredible sense of urgency inside him to accomplish so much (maybe making up for all that wasted time before). It's like all or nothing with my AH. And a lot of blame gets put on me too or at least tries to get put on me. It's hard in my situation at times because it is hard not to get caught up in that sense of urgency about essentially non urgent matters. I think somewhere in the literature it says an alcoholic can make a paper cut seem like an emergency. That line is what I thought of when I read your post. When my AH gets into this state and tries to draw me into the whirlwind of his disease I use the slogan first things first. I try to decide what is actually important and needs to be done and what can wait. I also find in these situations that most things he wants to do are not urgent at all. And if I focus on taking even better care of myself than I have been it gives me the strength to set limits and boundaries with my AH. I find myself often reminding my AH that just because he's decided he wants to do something doesn't mean that is a priority for me. I wish him well with his projects, outline what I can do to help and what I absolutely cannot do to help and that often works. Sure he grumbles and stomps away but eventually he has to accept it.
You are not alone. Sending positive thoughts your way.
el-cee said
Sep 27, 2016
Ive heard AA members say the thinking disorder was there before the drink and take the drink away the thinking disorder is still there. Recovery like AA deals with the thinking disorder, its about changing the thinking and that allows the drinking to stop. The alcohol is self medication for the underlying thinking disorder so your husband has distoreted and disturbed thinking and is sick and you are becoming sicker with him. A meeting is the best thing you can do for yourself.
My Alcoholic BF remains sober to this day, just over a month now since his last drink. Its been great having a sober person around. He now has become obsessed with renovating the house, and the to do list is unreal. He says this and that needs done. I am getting overloaded hearing all this. I am in fact getting stressed out hearing of all what he needs to do around the house. I keep trying to detach but its so hard, listening to this endless ramble about what has to be done around the house! In fact I feel so stressed by it all, I get headaches from it. I am like what the hell has it got to do with me..He says your home all day ( I am off work due to being sick) and its your job to find contractors for what he can not do. I am like what...since when is this all my responsibility...I am getting really resentful and angry. Even his tone of voice is getting under my skin. I am getting so stressed by all this to do list that I feel like crying. He says, I am working all day and what are you doing...nothing. I said I will make a to do list and he says why bother, you do not do it anyways. I flipped and said I do what I can. Its so hard being around him. He is just getting under my skin big time. He does not access AA only church services. He is a typical dry drunk and I am getting so angry and resentful. I feel he has lost his mind completely and is not thinking straight. He even has plans to make a kitchen in basement without the city approval or permits. Watch the house burn down due to electrical issues or plumbing issues not up to standard. He even went and got all the materials for this project..and there is the bathroom, the attic..on and on and on. I am being driven nuts by him ..I keep saying not my problem, not my problem..so I have got two contractors coming this week to do some estimates he has requested...he can deal with the problem from a professional that knows what they are talking about and he will have to pay out of his own pocket the work he wants done. Its not a necessity just a want of his. I am so fed up with his I want this done, I want this done BS...He is completely nuts I swear! Is this what sobriety brings...is this what it is all about putting up with I want this..I want this done like a child...I am so fed up. I am heading to a meeting tonight-an Al-anon meeting before I snap from the pressure he is putting on me. Then in addition he expects me to cook, clean and do all what I need for myself. I am so angry and I will be putting me first instead of his I want, I want BS...you want it done, do it yourself. I needed to vent.
Thanks,
So glad to hear you are headed to a meeting. May you get exactly what you need to find some peace just for today. Keep working it!
You are not alone. Sending positive thoughts your way.
Ive heard AA members say the thinking disorder was there before the drink and take the drink away the thinking disorder is still there. Recovery like AA deals with the thinking disorder, its about changing the thinking and that allows the drinking to stop. The alcohol is self medication for the underlying thinking disorder so your husband has distoreted and disturbed thinking and is sick and you are becoming sicker with him. A meeting is the best thing you can do for yourself.