I am writing to share my gratitude of my self awareness now. I used to blunder along completely unaware of my behaviour and therefore the chaos I was creating for myself.
I notice yesterday with AH, we were getting on so great, I slipped back into controlling behaviours. I normally act detached with love. So as an example he pushes me to make decisions for him, to do things he should do for himself. I quietly detach from this and move away. Works well.
Because I was feeling so warmly about him yesterday, I slipped into doing some of these things. I also became over encouraging to him. Ie trying to control him.
Luckily there was no messes causes. I have pulled myself back a little. Back into my neutral detached with love way of being.
From this I have leant my danger times for my relapse is when we start getting closer.
I was pulled back into reality when he snapped at me for saying no to something. Had I been in my usual Al-anon mode this wouldn't have happened as I wouldn't have been hooked in to the start of the conversation that resulted in me saying no!
The disease means that with alcoholism, you give an inch, they will try and take a mile. Firm boundaries are needed for everyone's sake and well being, based on my experience.
Have a peaceful and loving Sunday all.
Iamhere said
Sep 25, 2016
Calm Lady - great awareness and great share. I totally understand that part about our relapse risk being greater when we start getting closer. That's been my experience too. So happy for you that you were able to use the program/tools to get back to where you want/need to be for your own serenity.
The grand-boys are having their birthday party today - they are 3 and 1. I am planning to attend and it's at the baby momma's home. She's very, very nice ---- and they are a friendly family. However, they are all very entrenched in this disease - 2 in recovery and extended members not in recovery will also be present. I'm packing a medium size bag of tools to go. The good news - whenever I spend time with them, I am grateful for my wild, crazy, large dysfunctional family - and I don't say that very often!!!
Make it a great day - we've got cooler temperatures and light rain - I am great with that....the grass and plants needed some nature's water!
hotrod said
Sep 25, 2016
Great awareness calmlady . I too discovered many destructive habits that I possessed while keeping the focus on myself and examining my motives. Step 10 worked well for me as well You have just completed a personal inventory and owned what you found. The decision to respond differently is a great use of program principles. Thanks for sharing the journey.
MissM said
Sep 25, 2016
I loved realising that I can actually stop and 'restart" any time I wanted...even if my behaviour is bad or relapsy or I realise I have well and truly boarded the crazy train I can stop, chat with my HP, take a deep breath and start over.
Old habits are very hard to break but recognising them and then altering our course...that's progress
Lyne said
Sep 25, 2016
Wow, these posts were written for me today. This is my story which began last night and I am recovering from my letting down my guard. It's too long to write, but these are my stories in my life. Was trying too hard, got too close, and BAM, got slapped right back in the face with lies and drinking behavior by my A. Were it not for 3 years in Alanon, I would be a crumbled mess on the floor. I am upset, that is the truth, but I know that I will be fine. That's Alanon at work for me. I keep coming back and I have blessings of strength and hope as a result. I plan to have a great day today, and turn all of the mess over to HP. I thank everyone on the board for their shares. Alanon works if you work it! Lyne
Calm Lady said
Sep 25, 2016
Many thanks for your shares IAH, Betty, MissM & Lyne.
It was only when I read your shares that it hit me that I had had another big step forward. In the past once I was on a course of behaviour or action, even if I realised it was wrong, I COULD NOT get off the path I was on. I was kind of stuck on it and took it right through to its disastrous end!
Now I can hop off and change path as soon as I realise.
Am very pleased.
Jerry F said
Sep 25, 2016
I was taught about "habits" in recovery just as alcoholism and addiction are habits enabling and power and control tactics are also. In habits I do these things without thinking and because I got away with them quite often before program I don't recognized I am doing them and don't recognize the negative affect they had. Relapse...I go back into the habit without notice and still create the havoc.
Gratefully the program has acclimated me to apology and amends without the negative ego centered consequences. I can make both without the "poor mes" and hang down looks. Some times I can while laughing at the attempt. One of my habits of behavior was power and control and I don't like that in myself today or with anyone who attempts it with me. Let go and let God have direction over me. ((((hugs))))
serenity47 said
Sep 25, 2016
Thanks for that share calm lady. I had an awareness after reading that share that I too am at the highest risk of relapsing back into my old way of being, giving advice, over encouraging when we are getting close again . It reminds me to get back in my own hula hoop and stay there. Detach with loving kindness. The world really can function just fine without my input lol.
I am writing to share my gratitude of my self awareness now. I used to blunder along completely unaware of my behaviour and therefore the chaos I was creating for myself.
I notice yesterday with AH, we were getting on so great, I slipped back into controlling behaviours. I normally act detached with love. So as an example he pushes me to make decisions for him, to do things he should do for himself. I quietly detach from this and move away. Works well.
Because I was feeling so warmly about him yesterday, I slipped into doing some of these things. I also became over encouraging to him. Ie trying to control him.
Luckily there was no messes causes. I have pulled myself back a little. Back into my neutral detached with love way of being.
From this I have leant my danger times for my relapse is when we start getting closer.
I was pulled back into reality when he snapped at me for saying no to something. Had I been in my usual Al-anon mode this wouldn't have happened as I wouldn't have been hooked in to the start of the conversation that resulted in me saying no!
The disease means that with alcoholism, you give an inch, they will try and take a mile. Firm boundaries are needed for everyone's sake and well being, based on my experience.
Have a peaceful and loving Sunday all.
The grand-boys are having their birthday party today - they are 3 and 1. I am planning to attend and it's at the baby momma's home. She's very, very nice ---- and they are a friendly family. However, they are all very entrenched in this disease - 2 in recovery and extended members not in recovery will also be present. I'm packing a medium size bag of tools to go. The good news - whenever I spend time with them, I am grateful for my wild, crazy, large dysfunctional family - and I don't say that very often!!!
Make it a great day - we've got cooler temperatures and light rain - I am great with that....the grass and plants needed some nature's water!
Old habits are very hard to break but recognising them and then altering our course...that's progress
It was only when I read your shares that it hit me that I had had another big step forward. In the past once I was on a course of behaviour or action, even if I realised it was wrong, I COULD NOT get off the path I was on. I was kind of stuck on it and took it right through to its disastrous end!
Now I can hop off and change path as soon as I realise.
Am very pleased.
I was taught about "habits" in recovery just as alcoholism and addiction are habits enabling and power and control tactics are also. In habits I do these things without thinking and because I got away with them quite often before program I don't recognized I am doing them and don't recognize the negative affect they had. Relapse...I go back into the habit without notice and still create the havoc.
Gratefully the program has acclimated me to apology and amends without the negative ego centered consequences. I can make both without the "poor mes" and hang down looks. Some times I can while laughing at the attempt. One of my habits of behavior was power and control and I don't like that in myself today or with anyone who attempts it with me. Let go and let God have direction over me. ((((hugs))))