I've have lived in what's not normal most my life,fighting amongst siblings,not speaking to one another for years I came from a 7 sibling household with a loving mother,enabler.and a father,alcoholic everyday drinking drama and chaos became a part of my raising,everyday drama or chaos broke out,as we got older mother would tell us to find us a man in a bar.was all she really knew,there was always drunks and very dis functional ppl around us with distorted thoughts,these thing are not normal ,I'm finding out through alanon what normal is...love,lots of love for one another in a family that's normal to me today,reaching out to each other in a affective way not reaching out to hand a beer or dope to them and wish them well,but reaching out with love and understanding in a affective way that will help not destroy .as im typing this out here my thoughts are running wild with so much clarity of what normal really is,light bulb moment ,lots of light bulbs flickering,I live all alone now choosing to stay away from the severe sickness of my foo,I get very lonesome but it's so serene and diff.my drama my chaos only in a good way.another thing that's not normal in my foo was all 7 of us kids not one of us finished high school most of us barely got out of elementary without quitting,mom said she tried to keep us all in school to no avail,or help,she had her struggles with a sloppy everyday alcoholic husband which is still alive today still drinks not as much lives good except he still has his drama which drives me away so talking on ph most times is sufficient for me,anyways just had to post my thoughts this morning and share my lightbulb moments,anybody wants to add to this thread do feel welcome....I'm happy that I'm learning this it's still confuses me ,I wasn't raised normal in anyway, thanks for listening and allowing me to share my thoughts this early morning......hugs in recovery (prolly the rest of my life) lu
Iamhere said
Sep 24, 2016
Hey LU - great awareness and lovely share. Keep doing what you are doing and while it may never make sense to you, you can/will find peace - that's what happened for me. I seldom talk about my FOO in depth as I have accepted the chaos/insanity for what it is and believe I've been able to heal from it. Sometimes, things fly into my brain that were tucked away or locked away and I use my sponsor to discuss, process, forgive and let go.
So grateful for our program which gives us the freedom we need. (((Hugs)))
jojo8466 said
Sep 24, 2016
I found your post interesting because according to my ex ABF there is no "normal life" in the world. I don't know if this is something they teach them in AA to makes them feel better about what they have done or what but I always disagreed with him. And he didn't like that. LOL
lookingup said
Sep 24, 2016
Thank you Iamhere and jojo,for your honesty in your shares, it is what it is just hard to accept IAH I know I'll get there to where I will have peace just takes time,and jojo there is normal to where my foo is,or healthy versus unhealthy behavior,I do beleive that everybody's Norm isn't the same norm,in my foo,was lots of screaming,yelling,grudges etc,etc,no healthy norm but all unhealthy norms.i seem to be walking in my mothers shoes with the enabling and care taking behaviors she had she always said she loved all her children and that for us to always look out for one another with my siblings her health deteriated fast ,1st heart attack at age 58 all bypass surgery ,died on us multiple times,then lived the rest of her life on kidney dialisis a miserable life for her till her death at age 77 .may she rest in peace,she was my best Freind ,I and her got very close during the yrs she got sick and in the end ended up in a nursing home right close to me to where I could walk to her,I stayed by her side as much as I could which was a lot,she was an angel in my eyes,soft spoken,loving,very optimistic,and never got in anybody's business,always wanted all her kids with her and would say she wanted a mantion or huge house just for her and her kids to all be together.i miss her so,she passed in 2012 ,I don't want to spend my life in bad health as she,my aim is to do better with my life guess I wear my heart on my sleeve ,she was the most and closest thing to norms in my life ,I feel lost without her,I'm grateful for finding alanon today,and knowing what I do know.thank you all I couldn't have learned what I know by myself, my recovery means more than gold .......thanks for allowing me to ramble on,really feel better by getting all this out...... I hope somehow or something I've said or been said on this thread does help someone . Hugs lu
hotrod said
Sep 24, 2016
Great processing LU, I love how you have become introspective and are therefore seeing and feeling the small little light bulb moments of recovery. These will add up eventually and your self esteem and self worth will become second nature.
I have heard that the past is in the past and we cannot change it-- however,we have the opportunity(with program) to make a new start and a better ending. Keep on Keeping on.
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 24th of September 2016 10:48:03 AM
lookingup said
Sep 24, 2016
Thank you Betty for your wonderful wisdom,it is a process ,but it's all worth the fight to keep on a keeping on at it ,keeping my shoulders to the wheel.....
maryjane said
Sep 24, 2016
You are showing great wisdom and introspection. I always tell my AH that he lived in a wildly abnormal home, but he disagreed until he finally entered AA. Now he will admit that my non-drinking home was more normal than his, but he still won't admit that his foo was disfunctional and lots of his problems come from that. It is a discussion that I am now unwilling to have with him...... how many times do I want to hit my head against that wall. It is great that you are willing to reach for more for yourself.
Take care of yourself.
Iamhere said
Sep 24, 2016
I will agree that there is no such thing as normal.....simply because each of us is created different, therefore how can there be 'one normal'. Just saying - I do not know of anyone yet that would discuss growing up, a family meal, a funeral, a wedding, a first day of school with another and then decide which is 'normal'....Normal is one of those words that I struggle in using to discuss people as there is no baseline and each of us has a unique experience.
So - it's not an AA thing - it's a philosophical thing and it's one of those discussions that's fun to have. There are so many people I know who enter recovery and believe they had it 'bad' or 'the worst' and nobody will understand. It is in sharing our experiences that we come to see that every person, every family has issues.
(((Hugs))) - the longer I live, the more I realize that dysfunction in families is much more common that most know or will even admit. With the gift of recovery, we get to see what from our past affects us and make changes to live differently. It makes me grateful for my past, my experience and very hopeful for my future!
I've have lived in what's not normal most my life,fighting amongst siblings,not speaking to one another for years I came from a 7 sibling household with a loving mother,enabler.and a father,alcoholic everyday drinking drama and chaos became a part of my raising,everyday drama or chaos broke out,as we got older mother would tell us to find us a man in a bar.was all she really knew,there was always drunks and very dis functional ppl around us with distorted thoughts,these thing are not normal ,I'm finding out through alanon what normal is...love,lots of love for one another in a family that's normal to me today,reaching out to each other in a affective way not reaching out to hand a beer or dope to them and wish them well,but reaching out with love and understanding in a affective way that will help not destroy .as im typing this out here my thoughts are running wild with so much clarity of what normal really is,light bulb moment ,lots of light bulbs flickering,I live all alone now choosing to stay away from the severe sickness of my foo,I get very lonesome but it's so serene and diff.my drama my chaos only in a good way.another thing that's not normal in my foo was all 7 of us kids not one of us finished high school most of us barely got out of elementary without quitting,mom said she tried to keep us all in school to no avail,or help,she had her struggles with a sloppy everyday alcoholic husband which is still alive today still drinks not as much lives good except he still has his drama which drives me away so talking on ph most times is sufficient for me,anyways just had to post my thoughts this morning and share my lightbulb moments,anybody wants to add to this thread do feel welcome....I'm happy that I'm learning this it's still confuses me ,I wasn't raised normal in anyway, thanks for listening and allowing me to share my thoughts this early morning......hugs in recovery (prolly the rest of my life) lu
So grateful for our program which gives us the freedom we need. (((Hugs)))
Great processing LU, I love how you have become introspective and are therefore seeing and feeling the small little light bulb moments of recovery. These will add up eventually and your self esteem and self worth will become second nature.
I have heard that the past is in the past and we cannot change it-- however,we have the opportunity(with program) to make a new start and a better ending. Keep on Keeping on.
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 24th of September 2016 10:48:03 AM
Take care of yourself.
So - it's not an AA thing - it's a philosophical thing and it's one of those discussions that's fun to have. There are so many people I know who enter recovery and believe they had it 'bad' or 'the worst' and nobody will understand. It is in sharing our experiences that we come to see that every person, every family has issues.
(((Hugs))) - the longer I live, the more I realize that dysfunction in families is much more common that most know or will even admit. With the gift of recovery, we get to see what from our past affects us and make changes to live differently. It makes me grateful for my past, my experience and very hopeful for my future!