Today is the doctor appointment with my husband about his memory issues. He agreed that I can fill in for the doctor if he leaves anything out (30-year pot habit abandoned two months ago, recent interruption in daily alcohol consumption). I'm praying and giving this to HP. With the help of the program, I know there's a plan -- for my husband and for me. I truly just want to let God handle this and stay out of the way.
I've been listening to AA and al-anon speakers during walks, lunch, etc., recently and find it very helpful. I know I'm powerless over this situation, and my strength lies in letting go and trusting HP. A recent statement from a speaker: If you don't choose HP to run your life, your character defects are making your choices for you. Gulp. I've been marinating in that for a few days. So today, I'm letting go, letting God make my choices, and staying in the moment. I'm grateful for the sharing here and all the ESH. It's really making a difference.
hotrod said
Sep 22, 2016
(((Mcat))) Positive thoughts and prayers on the way
Freetime said
Sep 22, 2016
Mcat, sending positive thoughts your way. I have been in your situation regarding memory issues in spouse. Please let us know how it goes and remember you are not alone.
Iamhere said
Sep 22, 2016
(((MCat))) - I'm also sending you positive thoughts and prayers - I love listening to speakers.....it's so very helpful to learn, love, live and grow! Awesome that you've invited HP to go with you!!!
Mcat54 said
Sep 23, 2016
Appointment went better than I imagined. Had a standard Q&A memory test and surprised us both when he could not say what year it is. I was sad but felt grateful that reality was presenting itself. He said, maybe I really do have a memory problem. It was the most honest I've seen him be without getting angry or defensive. He passed the test though. Doc asked about memory, and he gave some details. I gently inserted that the memory loss was worse when smoking pot. Doc asked how often. He said every day until two months ago. He said he doesn't drink daily. I asked if I could add something? Sure. I said until about three weeks ago, he was drinking daily. Doc said the good thing is that he isn't doing those things because they will affect his memory. The old me would have kept this in my arsenal to use later when he drinks. Don't need to do that.
Blood work to test for vitamin deficiency due to drinking, referral to neurologist and an MRI appointment. They did his blood work right there. He scheduled the MRI for this Monday. The facts won't lie, and I know the results are his to deal with. I am so grateful for the serenity obtained through the program. Thanks ya'll for the hugs and prayers. I was calmer than I ever imagined. I was just fine.
Cathy
hotrod said
Sep 23, 2016
Thanks for the update Cathy Positive thoughts and prayers on the way .
Iamhere said
Sep 23, 2016
(((Cathy))) - sounds like a truly positive experience! I too am sending continued prayers and positive thoughts your way!
Freetime said
Sep 23, 2016
Cathy, thank you for updating us! It sounds like you are doing great. I understand the feeling that facts are helpful. More will be revealed ... take it one day at a time.
Mcat54 said
Dec 9, 2016
Finally saw the neurologist. Turns out my H has had three strokes. The major one we identified as happening on vacation two years ago -- he had a blank spot in his vision on the right side. Didn't want to see a doctor. Neurologist said it's impressive that he got through it. Apparently his vision was impaired for a few months afterward. Another stroke was in the area that regulates level vision. H thought he was having trouble with his neck (?) because he could reset the visual field by tilting his head. We have no idea when that one occurred. Neuro said MRI showed evidence of frequent bp spikes and they need to find out what's causing them. H is very calm, level person and internalizes a lot. More tests, bp medication, wake up call extraordinaire.
This time, I didn't mention his drinking and "former" pot habit. I didn't see an opening and I felt I'd be throwing him under the bus (and causing a bp spike) to bring up. Not sure it's my place. Noticing the extra sparkle and good humor of the pot use has returned. Acrid odor has reappeared in his car. I'm trying to focus on myself and let go of the part where he has blatantly lied to me about it (stopped smoking sure, but we haven't said anything about vaping -- I need to use the right term if I want an honest answer). Memory issues improved since he cut back on the alcohol and pot. Cognitive decline is the sign of renewed interest.
I realize I don't have to make him wrong so that I can be right about what I want for myself, what's acceptable to me and what I can and want to live with. I would prefer to have a place of my own, where more and more alcohol isn't coming into the house and magically disappearing, where there's no undercurrent of mistrust and no question about what's really happening, where I can feel good about taking care of myself and being true to my values and not feel like I've sold out and abandoned and deceived myself. Daily, I am putting myself, my H, my marriage in HP's hands. I am powerless over him. I am praying for God's will and the power to carry it out.
Iamhere said
Dec 9, 2016
(((Hugs))) - sending you prayers and positive thoughts! I see great growth in your posts and want to encourage you to keep working it - it's looking great on you!
Freetime said
Dec 9, 2016
Cathy, I have been there. Witnessing the cognitive decline was so frightening. You are not alone. I admire how you are using the program in such a beautiful way.
Mcat54 said
Dec 9, 2016
Thank you, IAH and Freetime. It still feels scary but I've got the tools to deal with it now. Working on taking better care of myself and trying to stay out of the way so HP can work elsewhere also. I truly understand I don't have the answers for my H, as I barely have them for myself! The sharing here is so valuable. Hugs and happy Friday. Cathy
Jerry F said
Dec 9, 2016
((((Mcat)))) Mahalo Nui...Thanks so much for bringing this here as it is so very important that all of us know the after and side effects of chemical altering. When I was in college and learned that alcoholism and other drug addictions were mind and mood altering I went on high alert for all of my addicted relationships and myself. I learned to say "It isn't root beer or milk" when anyone was inquiring about the health issues with the chemicals and that is how truthful I could say it. As a therapist I most often would include the systems within the chemicals which were associated with health losses including death and was able to track my own including toxic shocks and stroke and infractions to the present. Alcohol and drugs alter the human person and often will remove the life from it.
I am so glad to read your post here and the responses adding my own personal awareness. (((((hugs)))))
Mcat54 said
Dec 10, 2016
Thank you Jerry. The neuro mentioned numerous small infarcts also and ordered more tests to find the cause. Are you saying that the drinking or pot could be a factor? Would the doctor be able to tell from the MRI that these elements are involved? I've read conflicting info online about their impact on blood pressure. H also has extensive family history of cerebral hemorrhage. He is surprisingly healthy at age 69, considering everything. Never ever sick, not even a cold.
Mcat, sending positive thoughts your way. I have been in your situation regarding memory issues in spouse. Please let us know how it goes and remember you are not alone.
Appointment went better than I imagined. Had a standard Q&A memory test and surprised us both when he could not say what year it is. I was sad but felt grateful that reality was presenting itself. He said, maybe I really do have a memory problem. It was the most honest I've seen him be without getting angry or defensive. He passed the test though. Doc asked about memory, and he gave some details. I gently inserted that the memory loss was worse when smoking pot. Doc asked how often. He said every day until two months ago. He said he doesn't drink daily. I asked if I could add something? Sure. I said until about three weeks ago, he was drinking daily. Doc said the good thing is that he isn't doing those things because they will affect his memory. The old me would have kept this in my arsenal to use later when he drinks.
Don't need to do that.
Blood work to test for vitamin deficiency due to drinking, referral to neurologist and an MRI appointment. They did his blood work right there. He scheduled the MRI for this Monday. The facts won't lie, and I know the results are his to deal with. I am so grateful for the serenity obtained through the program. Thanks ya'll for the hugs and prayers. I was calmer than I ever imagined. I was just fine.
Cathy
Cathy, thank you for updating us! It sounds like you are doing great. I understand the feeling that facts are helpful. More will be revealed ... take it one day at a time.
This time, I didn't mention his drinking and "former" pot habit. I didn't see an opening and I felt I'd be throwing him under the bus (and causing a bp spike) to bring up. Not sure it's my place. Noticing the extra sparkle and good humor of the pot use has returned. Acrid odor has reappeared in his car. I'm trying to focus on myself and let go of the part where he has blatantly lied to me about it (stopped smoking sure, but we haven't said anything about vaping -- I need to use the right term if I want an honest answer). Memory issues improved since he cut back on the alcohol and pot. Cognitive decline is the sign of renewed interest.
I realize I don't have to make him wrong so that I can be right about what I want for myself, what's acceptable to me and what I can and want to live with. I would prefer to have a place of my own, where more and more alcohol isn't coming into the house and magically disappearing, where there's no undercurrent of mistrust and no question about what's really happening, where I can feel good about taking care of myself and being true to my values and not feel like I've sold out and abandoned and deceived myself. Daily, I am putting myself, my H, my marriage in HP's hands. I am powerless over him. I am praying for God's will and the power to carry it out.
((((Mcat)))) Mahalo Nui...Thanks so much for bringing this here as it is so very important that all of us know the after and side effects of chemical altering. When I was in college and learned that alcoholism and other drug addictions were mind and mood altering I went on high alert for all of my addicted relationships and myself. I learned to say "It isn't root beer or milk" when anyone was inquiring about the health issues with the chemicals and that is how truthful I could say it. As a therapist I most often would include the systems within the chemicals which were associated with health losses including death and was able to track my own including toxic shocks and stroke and infractions to the present. Alcohol and drugs alter the human person and often will remove the life from it.
I am so glad to read your post here and the responses adding my own personal awareness. (((((hugs)))))