I love this board, even if it is just to vent and put into writing the thoughts that are swirling in my head!
I'm trying not to make any rash decisions in my recovery, but I feel stuck. I am married to a person who, although he is highly functional, has multiple addictions and no desire to stop. I have detached with as much love as I possibly can which really means I don't bother much with him, say as few words as possible and have moved into my own bedroom. He doesn't make me angry anymore, I'm not sad, I guess the best word I can use to describe how I feel is apathetic.
With his new found freedom from me, he has an energy I haven't seen in years and he seems happy to just be going and using on his terms. I think it's fairly safe to say there's nothing left here and if you truly love someone, you want what's best for them even if it doesn't include you.
I will continue to work my program and take it one day at a time but I don't believe that next best thing for me will be found in this house.
hotrod said
Sep 19, 2016
((Detached)) Stay in the moment and in the day Listen for the "still small voice within" You are not alone.
Positive thoughts on the way.
Iamhere said
Sep 20, 2016
(((Detached))) - agree with Betty. Just staying close to your program and focused on one day at a time will bring you answers that are best for you. Know that we are here for you and that you are not alone!
Detached said
Sep 20, 2016
Thank you to both of you! Working the program does not mean obsessing over the future or even tomorrow, I'm wrong when I'm worrying about the "what if's" and my mind races at night when I finally stop. I need to get to bed earlier and stop exhausting myself.
2HP said
Sep 20, 2016
I hope you realize that he's not making a clear choice because he can't, he is powerless over his addiction too.
Your post reminds me of how helpful it was for me to determine what it was I was needing from the relationship, to make a list. The task was then to give those things from myself... and seek from Higher Power instead.
When I wanted love and attention, I would use our slogan LET IT BEGIN WITH ME. Today my needs are going to met, absolutely. Because I'm the one who will see to it that they are. That is our power. We are not powerless to take care of our own needs, that was my happiest realization ever! (((peace)))
deacon said
Sep 20, 2016
Wow! Your comment, "if you truly love someone, you want what's best for them even if it doesn't include you" really resonated with me.
I am trying so hard to stay in that place! To be content knowing that my son is, or appears to be, happy and moving forward with his life, even if he wants no contact with us. That is hard as he is my only son and was such a beloved child !
And I know all parents only wish for their children to be happy.
I love this board, even if it is just to vent and put into writing the thoughts that are swirling in my head!
I'm trying not to make any rash decisions in my recovery, but I feel stuck. I am married to a person who, although he is highly functional, has multiple addictions and no desire to stop. I have detached with as much love as I possibly can which really means I don't bother much with him, say as few words as possible and have moved into my own bedroom. He doesn't make me angry anymore, I'm not sad, I guess the best word I can use to describe how I feel is apathetic.
With his new found freedom from me, he has an energy I haven't seen in years and he seems happy to just be going and using on his terms. I think it's fairly safe to say there's nothing left here and if you truly love someone, you want what's best for them even if it doesn't include you.
I will continue to work my program and take it one day at a time but I don't believe that next best thing for me will be found in this house.
Positive thoughts on the way.
Thank you to both of you! Working the program does not mean obsessing over the future or even tomorrow, I'm wrong when I'm worrying about the "what if's" and my mind races at night when I finally stop. I need to get to bed earlier and stop exhausting myself.
Your post reminds me of how helpful it was for me to determine what it was I was needing from the relationship, to make a list. The task was then to give those things from myself... and seek from Higher Power instead.
When I wanted love and attention, I would use our slogan LET IT BEGIN WITH ME. Today my needs are going to met, absolutely. Because I'm the one who will see to it that they are. That is our power. We are not powerless to take care of our own needs, that was my happiest realization ever! (((peace)))
I am trying so hard to stay in that place! To be content knowing that my son is, or appears to be, happy and moving forward with his life, even if he wants no contact with us. That is hard as he is my only son and was such a beloved child !
And I know all parents only wish for their children to be happy.
Thanks Detached! I needed to hear this today.