Last night I came home to unexpectedly find my AH drinking.  I say unexpectedly because he had been trying to stop drinking during the week for his health and had some success.  It took me a few moments of conversation to realize he was drunk.  This used to get under my skin like crazy before I would think "GREAT ANOTHER NIGHT RUINED BY HIS DRINKING" and I would inevitably start an argument and it would be his fault because he was drinking.  But last night I didn't do that.  I simply had too much to do.  I had plans to go to the gym and I had work to do when I got home from the gym and I was so focused on that stuff I just didn't have time to get into it.  I also felt kind of sorry for him.  I mean I know he didn't plan to drink, I don't even think he was enjoying the experience of being intoxicated.  In fact he kept trying to get me to sit down and chat and seemed disappointed when I had to leave to go to the gym.  In the past that disappointment would have kept me home.  But not this time.  He did what he was going to do (drank) I might as well go ahead with what I was going to do (workout).  When I came home from the gym I worked until he went to bed then watched some tv then went to bed in a separate room because he was snoring.  The time I spent alone was about doing what I wanted to do.  There was no focusing on him, no crying and feeling sorry for myself just doing my thing.  This morning there was no argument to resolve, no resentment between us no anger on either side.  He talked about his nervousness about a meeting he has today and he asked why I slept alone and when I said he was snoring he said "must have been the wine" which he rarely ever mentions that his drinking could cause any negative.  I didn't feel the need to comment (which I usually would). 

This program has slowly made me able to focus on my own life and take the focus off of him and his behaviour and choices.  In doing that I am taking much better care of myself. The fact that he was drunk didn't ruin my night.  I didn't even feel angry about it.  I felt neutral and maybe a little sad for him.  I'm no longer sitting around holding my breath waiting to see what he will do.  In the meantime I am starting to get on with my life. In the past I would have been angry all night, I would have resented him for drinking on a Tuesday night, I would have started an argument, I would definitely not have got work done that really needed to be done by this morning.  Then I would have woken up this morning resenting the heck out of him for "making me" not work last night lol.  The drama in my relationship is dying down (fingers cross) and he hasn't changed.....I have.  One of the big things I used to do was take his drinking as a sign that he doesn't love me.  I no longer torture myself with that anymore.  He loves me but he is only capable of so much.  His drinking doesn't have to do with his love for me it has to do with a disease with his addiction.  I just have to decide what I can tolerate or not tolerate.

I am so incredibly grateful for this program and the peace it is brining me.  Even today I didn't sleep well last night due to some disturbances outside the house last night and I'm really tired but I just keep reminding myself one day at a time (one moment at a time) I just get through one thing at a time today and treat myself well to get through it and I will manage.

Thanks for reading. 

Wow KT!!!...detachment with love and compassion and self love...Thanks so much for the ESH this morning.    ((((hugs))))

Beautiful share KT
Another Miracle in Progress :)

Thank you so much for your share, KT.  Your progress sounds amazing and is so inspirational.  I need reminders over and over that the drinking is all about their disease and not about their feelings or lack of feelings for us.

((((Hugs)))) Ellen