I have been in the program 10 years from 30-40 but I moved to small city at 40 with very few meetings and they are very gossipy so I use phone meetings and have to start over in my Recovery. I am now 54 but started up at least 3-4 phone meetings per week and want to find a sponsor.
I realize my EMOTIONAL sobriety is at stake here and need some program wisdom.
My father is 85 and is dying of liver disease. He was very abusive alcoholic and i have worked hard on detachment and forgiveness. I visited my mother (82) and him for a week in new York and it felt "better" and I never know the last time I will see him. He lent me money during a HUGE financial crisis that we are in now - I have 13 year old and my ex has massive legal issues so I am now trying to be the primary bread winner. My father was very generous for a few years and I felt very grateful and lent me money to buy two very inexpensive properties to fix up in our town and earn a tiny bit of income. He offered and I was extremely grateful. He does not need the money but he now WANTS ALL OF THE MONEY BACK and wants me to sell the properties!??? he is almost 86 and has everything covered???!! He promised that he would not go back on his word and that he understands our dilemma but i cannot sell these properties now. I will have no child support or alimony in a few months and I working on building up another business. It is our only source of income at the moment.
Legally he cannot "force" me to sell it but the problem is my anger and bringing back all of the feelings. I want to stand on my OWN TWO FEET and never asked for this gift but never imagined he would change his mind mid stream for no reason. He may be getting dotty.
I feel very hurt and that he is so obsessed with himself and not considering our situation without compassion but that is what the disease does.
I need to be in ACCEPTANCE and not so angry!! My detachment "button" is just not working.
I am going to ignore his request and just let it go but I have to deal with my wild emotions.
Thank you for any al anon insights and love. xx
Jerry F said
Sep 10, 2016
Of course there was the anger when I was in that situation also and then learned much more, that it was the fear that came first and the feeling of loss of control that made me the angriest. My HP helped me to see and understand the fear and then work thru it. My sponsor taught me "opposites" which was about doing the opposite things of those that got me in trouble and if I did the opposites I would get the opposite feelings and thoughts and do opposite behaviors. I would like to nominate him for saint hood and he would be the first patron saint for Al-Anon (lol). The opposite of fear is love; is what I learned. See if that helps. ((((hugs))))
e_i_m said
Sep 10, 2016
I love what Jerry F's sponsor recommended about opposites -- what a tremendous insight. Thanks for sharing that.
Hi Everyone,
I have been in the program 10 years from 30-40 but I moved to small city at 40 with very few meetings and they are very gossipy so I use phone meetings and have to start over in my Recovery. I am now 54 but started up at least 3-4 phone meetings per week and want to find a sponsor.
I realize my EMOTIONAL sobriety is at stake here and need some program wisdom.
My father is 85 and is dying of liver disease. He was very abusive alcoholic and i have worked hard on detachment and forgiveness. I visited my mother (82) and him for a week in new York and it felt "better" and I never know the last time I will see him. He lent me money during a HUGE financial crisis that we are in now - I have 13 year old and my ex has massive legal issues so I am now trying to be the primary bread winner. My father was very generous for a few years and I felt very grateful and lent me money to buy two very inexpensive properties to fix up in our town and earn a tiny bit of income. He offered and I was extremely grateful. He does not need the money but he now WANTS ALL OF THE MONEY BACK and wants me to sell the properties!??? he is almost 86 and has everything covered???!! He promised that he would not go back on his word and that he understands our dilemma but i cannot sell these properties now. I will have no child support or alimony in a few months and I working on building up another business. It is our only source of income at the moment.
Legally he cannot "force" me to sell it but the problem is my anger and bringing back all of the feelings. I want to stand on my OWN TWO FEET and never asked for this gift but never imagined he would change his mind mid stream for no reason. He may be getting dotty.
I feel very hurt and that he is so obsessed with himself and not considering our situation without compassion but that is what the disease does.
I need to be in ACCEPTANCE and not so angry!! My detachment "button" is just not working.
I am going to ignore his request and just let it go but I have to deal with my wild emotions.
Thank you for any al anon insights and love. xx
Of course there was the anger when I was in that situation also and then learned much more, that it was the fear that came first and the feeling of loss of control that made me the angriest. My HP helped me to see and understand the fear and then work thru it. My sponsor taught me "opposites" which was about doing the opposite things of those that got me in trouble and if I did the opposites I would get the opposite feelings and thoughts and do opposite behaviors. I would like to nominate him for saint hood and he would be the first patron saint for Al-Anon (lol). The opposite of fear is love; is what I learned. See if that helps. ((((hugs))))
I love what Jerry F's sponsor recommended about opposites -- what a tremendous insight. Thanks for sharing that.