I'm sitting here full of so much anger that he's not home yet..he's sitting at the bar, being mr friendly and drunk fun guy, while he knows I've expected him for 2 hours already...and when he does decide to walk in, I will get the angry, mean drunk. No one else has to see that. so because I'm only human, I find myself filling up with fantasies of something bad happening to him..because of his drinking..not like getting hurt..but something that will sting him deeply...I know I need to detach from this, and I'm playing right into the intention this monster has, but right now it's so hard...so I did the only thing I could do..I logged on to vent..thanks for listening!
tiredtonite said
Sep 8, 2016
Yeah it's too bad that you've been waiting around for 2 hours. You could have hit 6pm and 8pm meeting in NYC and gone for fellowship after with Alanon people. One of my favorite quotes is never make someone else your priority and allow yourself to be their option. Hope you have a good rest of the night. Pop into our online meeting here. You may feel less alone. (((hugs))) TT
Desperateinnyc said
Sep 8, 2016
Yes, there were and are far better uses of my time then this...what you said about not being someone's option when they are your priority..that hits home..but how do I not do that?
Enigmatic said
Sep 8, 2016
Hi Des, I feel for you...I went through nearly unbearable bouts of anger, sadness, resentment and hurt before I found AlAnon. I would rather not have, but that was all I knew. I did learn new ways to handle my feelings, thoughts, and behavior in new, healthier ways in the program when I attended meetings, read AlAnon principles daily, and made time for meditation.
I found that those around me in the program that had a sense of serenity about them, despite what was going on in their personal life, did the same. I believe that you will find the same if you give it a try. For me, it became less about 'right' and 'wrong', as it was healthy or unhealthy for me and those around me. Hang in there, we're all pulling for you
Desperateinnyc said
Sep 8, 2016
Thanks so much for your support
hotrod said
Sep 8, 2016
Hello Des.inNYC I do so understand. Glad that you elected to post here to receive the support that helps at times like this. I found that if I simply keep reciting the serenity prayer, and took a warm bubble bath,I felt much better and when he arrived home I was usually asleep. Remember that alcoholism is a disease over which we are powerless.
Positive thoughts on the way.
Iamhere said
Sep 8, 2016
Hey Des - the best answer I can give you is what the program has taught me - put myself first. I too had unbearable moments of frustration, anger, despair and more before the program. I didn't get well overnight and still have moments but things are so much better thanks to the program, literature, steps, meetings, etc.
It was a process. Putting me first was entirely backwards from how I was and how I was raised. I always put others needs/wants in front of my own and truly did not know how to do this. Others in the program helped me change my thinking, attitudes, actions and outlook and treat myself as my own best friend.
I also had to stay focused on what was good and working well in my life (gratitude lists) vs. what was broken and not working well. There is always hope and help in my recovery where I truly felt helpless and hopeless often before.
Keep coming back!
Desperateinnyc said
Sep 9, 2016
Well in a small victorious way..I managed to not fall apart and cry and descend into a mess..by the time he stumbled in, and it was not pretty..I was almost so removed it was like watching a movie..best part is I was ok, and although I worried about him and checked on him a couple of times after he passed out, I was still ok, and kept myself sane. Thanks so much to all of you for everything you say!
jitsuka said
Sep 9, 2016
Well done, hope you're ok
Iamhere said
Sep 9, 2016
Des - so glad that you found some peace and detachment. It was and still is at times like this, I find gratitude in the program suggesting one day at a time. We just never know what a new day will bring and focusing on ourselves does become easier with program and practice.
Sending you positive thoughts, (((hugs))) and prayers!
I'm sitting here full of so much anger that he's not home yet..he's sitting at the bar, being mr friendly and drunk fun guy, while he knows I've expected him for 2 hours already...and when he does decide to walk in, I will get the angry, mean drunk. No one else has to see that. so because I'm only human, I find myself filling up with fantasies of something bad happening to him..because of his drinking..not like getting hurt..but something that will sting him deeply...I know I need to detach from this, and I'm playing right into the intention this monster has, but right now it's so hard...so I did the only thing I could do..I logged on to vent..thanks for listening!
Yeah it's too bad that you've been waiting around for 2 hours. You could have hit 6pm and 8pm meeting in NYC and gone for fellowship after with Alanon people. One of my favorite quotes is never make someone else your priority and allow yourself to be their option. Hope you have a good rest of the night. Pop into our online meeting here. You may feel less alone. (((hugs))) TT
I found that those around me in the program that had a sense of serenity about them, despite what was going on in their personal life, did the same. I believe that you will find the same if you give it a try. For me, it became less about 'right' and 'wrong', as it was healthy or unhealthy for me and those around me. Hang in there, we're all pulling for you
Hello Des.inNYC I do so understand. Glad that you elected to post here to receive the support that helps at times like this. I found that if I simply keep reciting the serenity prayer, and took a warm bubble bath,I felt much better and when he arrived home I was usually asleep. Remember that alcoholism is a disease over which we are powerless.
Positive thoughts on the way.
It was a process. Putting me first was entirely backwards from how I was and how I was raised. I always put others needs/wants in front of my own and truly did not know how to do this. Others in the program helped me change my thinking, attitudes, actions and outlook and treat myself as my own best friend.
I also had to stay focused on what was good and working well in my life (gratitude lists) vs. what was broken and not working well. There is always hope and help in my recovery where I truly felt helpless and hopeless often before.
Keep coming back!
Sending you positive thoughts, (((hugs))) and prayers!