A few months ago my ex-A friended me on Facebook. I have kept loosely in touch with him. Mostly hearing about his drama with new drunk/druggie boyfriends and I would roll my eyes and congratulate myself for moving on.
So...this time, I see on facebook he is "moving back to DC his old stomping grounds to pursue his dreams!" Of course my reaction is like *double eye roll* Same old crap. We moved here to Florida for what reason? You guessed it! So he could leave awful DC (where all my family is) and start a new life following his dreams in Florida.
Now...what follows is the revelation. I see he is selling his artwork on the streets and this is "his dream." Initially, I think "How stupid. He is now being a vagabond and selling his drunken paintings and photoshop photography for hand outs."
Then...I see...without my bitter ass judgment, 1. He has gotten more talented. 2. He looks genuinely happy. And 3. I am happy for him.
Whether or not his dreams were drunken, stupid, or impractical was never the issue. The issue was they were not my dreams and they did not match what I wanted from a partner. All that judging I did of his silly drunken "Don Quixote dreams"...that was my crap. That was my controlling and judging. I wanted someone who is more reliable, mature, and with follow through. Like my current husband. It isn't and never was my ex-A's fault that he is not that person. It was my fault for judging and insisting he should be just for me. I didn't just move on. I set him free. I wasn't good for him either. I hope he is wildly successful and happy. I know he still drinks way too much but that is none of my business really...
-- Edited by pinkchip on Sunday 4th of September 2016 12:15:46 PM
Jerry F said
Sep 4, 2016
That certainly is a recovery revelation Pink. As you know it is a consequence of working the program. Good for you and others in your life. (((hugs)))
Calm Lady said
Sep 4, 2016
Thank you for sharing that. Have me lots to think about. Well done on great recovery.
Iamhere said
Sep 4, 2016
PC - awesome, awesome share......I totally, totally understand where you have landed - similar place(s) with my A sons.....been there a longer while with my AH. I think it was harder to find acceptance and clarity as I had this dream of an easier life for my sons than the one I chose. I would have physically removed any obstacle between them and an easy life. However, I know realize that was my dream/hope for them. They've chosen a different path and it's one that makes me grimace at times but ... it is their path and they are finding their way!
My first is a great father while still being a big kid himself. But he has energy, kindness and nothing but love in his eyes when he looks at his two boys. I know he's learned how he doesn't want to be based on his own views of his father and he's doing his best. The boys are lovely, sweet boys and I can be very proud of him for many, many things he's doing.
My second just got promoted from a cook @ a pizza place to the manager of a new store. He's decided for now he doesn't want to go to school. He's been with the company for 2 years and it's working for him. Who am I to suggest he's smarter than 'this' - he's young and has a lifetime to change things up.
My wants/needs/dreams/plans for my children are vastly different than where they are. Yet, my ultimate prayer each day of their lives has been for God to make them happy, healthy and whole. If they are happy doing their own thing, who am I to suggest it's not where they should be? Only by the grace of God and this program have I begun to see their truly is a master plan for each of us, and my plan is often not even close to the blessings possible.
(((Hugs))) - prayers for success for your X - sounds like he's happy and so are you - win/win! As my aunt used to say - Stop with those eyerolls - they're gonna stick that way!!! Ha.ha.ha.ha.
DavidG said
Sep 4, 2016
gr8 share, m8! ... ... ...
LinSC said
Sep 4, 2016
Expectations, seem to be attached to our ego and self-will, because we know whats right! surprise we are not always right. Great surprise and awareness, setting him free and you too. Thank you for the post. linsc
hotrod said
Sep 4, 2016
Great Recovery Mark I can identify.
andromeda said
Sep 4, 2016
Love what LinSC shared about expectations. Of course, I can also say Great RECOVERY, Mark! Love this share!
A few months ago my ex-A friended me on Facebook. I have kept loosely in touch with him. Mostly hearing about his drama with new drunk/druggie boyfriends and I would roll my eyes and congratulate myself for moving on.
So...this time, I see on facebook he is "moving back to DC his old stomping grounds to pursue his dreams!" Of course my reaction is like *double eye roll* Same old crap. We moved here to Florida for what reason? You guessed it! So he could leave awful DC (where all my family is) and start a new life following his dreams in Florida.
Now...what follows is the revelation. I see he is selling his artwork on the streets and this is "his dream." Initially, I think "How stupid. He is now being a vagabond and selling his drunken paintings and photoshop photography for hand outs."
Then...I see...without my bitter ass judgment, 1. He has gotten more talented. 2. He looks genuinely happy. And 3. I am happy for him.
Whether or not his dreams were drunken, stupid, or impractical was never the issue. The issue was they were not my dreams and they did not match what I wanted from a partner. All that judging I did of his silly drunken "Don Quixote dreams"...that was my crap. That was my controlling and judging. I wanted someone who is more reliable, mature, and with follow through. Like my current husband. It isn't and never was my ex-A's fault that he is not that person. It was my fault for judging and insisting he should be just for me. I didn't just move on. I set him free. I wasn't good for him either. I hope he is wildly successful and happy. I know he still drinks way too much but that is none of my business really...
-- Edited by pinkchip on Sunday 4th of September 2016 12:15:46 PM
That certainly is a recovery revelation Pink. As you know it is a consequence of working the program. Good for you and others in your life. (((hugs)))
My first is a great father while still being a big kid himself. But he has energy, kindness and nothing but love in his eyes when he looks at his two boys. I know he's learned how he doesn't want to be based on his own views of his father and he's doing his best. The boys are lovely, sweet boys and I can be very proud of him for many, many things he's doing.
My second just got promoted from a cook @ a pizza place to the manager of a new store. He's decided for now he doesn't want to go to school. He's been with the company for 2 years and it's working for him. Who am I to suggest he's smarter than 'this' - he's young and has a lifetime to change things up.
My wants/needs/dreams/plans for my children are vastly different than where they are. Yet, my ultimate prayer each day of their lives has been for God to make them happy, healthy and whole. If they are happy doing their own thing, who am I to suggest it's not where they should be? Only by the grace of God and this program have I begun to see their truly is a master plan for each of us, and my plan is often not even close to the blessings possible.
(((Hugs))) - prayers for success for your X - sounds like he's happy and so are you - win/win! As my aunt used to say - Stop with those eyerolls - they're gonna stick that way!!! Ha.ha.ha.ha.
gr8 share, m8!
... 
... 
...
Expectations, seem to be attached to our ego and self-will, because we know whats right! surprise we are not always right. Great surprise and awareness, setting him free and you too. Thank you for the post. linsc