I am going to need to go to TONS of meetings to handle what is going on in my life. I am very ashamed to share this but my ex husband was arrested for some "billing" issue in 2010. we both thought it was a mistake and the government will not let go of it! They will NOT settle and we have a 13 year old son. My husband does have alcoholic tendencies more "binge" drinking and very bad judgement but I think the addiction was to spending/debting. In any case, I have basically been in DENIAL for 6 years thinking it would go away and in 6 months he may lose his medical license and he will have a trial in 2017 unless they settle. I am POWERLESS over this situation and have been praying about it for 9 months! We are legally separated but we co parent our 13 old son. I am working on a way to make a full living and it has not panned out just yet but i have a plan. I have been VERY co dependent with my ex in our 14 years of marriage trying to clean up financial messes like we do for the alcoholic. I need prayers, meetings and something to DO to stay in the moment. I need a sponsor and I know I have to find one at a face to face meeting.
I have friends, my health, a GREAT son, a home, food on the table and some help. I have a program and HP but I feel so OUT OF CONTROL and so anxious all of the time like our family has fallen apart, the social stigma of legal issues and not yet sure how to support my son - getting there.
I need to have FAITH IN HP to get us through this. Please remind me of some prayers from the program and slogans.
I just feel so awful and sad and anxious. Thank you for reading. xx
gabigail said
Sep 2, 2016
I understand about feeling anxious. A couple of things I go to during tough times is to remember the slogan "One day at a time". It helps me to focus on today's problem and not worry about the "what ifs". I find I spiral when I focus on the what ifs and it brings me to a dark place.
I like to read the literature Just For Today as well...it helps me to focus on the day and is a tool for when I get anxious and overwhelmed over the future. Here are a few:
Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.
They may have this as literature at the f2f meetings. Just ask!
When I feel really insane, I give it to my HP. I also pray the serenity prayer when I need peace and to refocus.
One thing I keep in mind when worrying about what others think is this: their opinion or what they think of me is none of my business. I have my focus on myself and I try not to worry about the gossip. It's hard as a people pleaser, but in this program I have enough stuff to work on and I can't control others, their thoughts, feelings, etc.
I hope these are helpful tools. Keep coming back! Peace to you during this troubling time.
gabigail said
Sep 2, 2016
Also one more thing-
I noticed you wrote things that you have- your assets list. Continually writing a gratitude list and things you have going well in your life puts things into proper perspective.
Iamhere said
Sep 2, 2016
Charlotte - my experience with anything court related.....it moves so very, very slow. Gabigail is spot on - trying to just stay present and focus on one day at a time is helpful with anxiety - esp. over court related matters.
I also held tightly to my daily readers so as to give me a concept, principle or step to focus on each day. All that you said sounds like an excellent self-care plan - meetings, sponsor, etc. Put you first each day and do your best to stay focused on you and what you can control/change.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers - you are not alone!
pinkchip said
Sep 2, 2016
You didn't ge arrested. He did. We get used to feeling feelings for the alcoholic that THEY should own instead of us. I bet he is more mad and resentful of the situation and you are ashamed and anxious. Anyhow, define yourself. You are not him or his mistakes.
I am going to need to go to TONS of meetings to handle what is going on in my life. I am very ashamed to share this but my ex husband was arrested for some "billing" issue in 2010. we both thought it was a mistake and the government will not let go of it! They will NOT settle and we have a 13 year old son. My husband does have alcoholic tendencies more "binge" drinking and very bad judgement but I think the addiction was to spending/debting. In any case, I have basically been in DENIAL for 6 years thinking it would go away and in 6 months he may lose his medical license and he will have a trial in 2017 unless they settle. I am POWERLESS over this situation and have been praying about it for 9 months! We are legally separated but we co parent our 13 old son. I am working on a way to make a full living and it has not panned out just yet but i have a plan. I have been VERY co dependent with my ex in our 14 years of marriage trying to clean up financial messes like we do for the alcoholic. I need prayers, meetings and something to DO to stay in the moment. I need a sponsor and I know I have to find one at a face to face meeting.
I have friends, my health, a GREAT son, a home, food on the table and some help. I have a program and HP but I feel so OUT OF CONTROL and so anxious all of the time like our family has fallen apart, the social stigma of legal issues and not yet sure how to support my son - getting there.
I need to have FAITH IN HP to get us through this. Please remind me of some prayers from the program and slogans.
I just feel so awful and sad and anxious. Thank you for reading. xx
I like to read the literature Just For Today as well...it helps me to focus on the day and is a tool for when I get anxious and overwhelmed over the future. Here are a few:
Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.
They may have this as literature at the f2f meetings. Just ask!
When I feel really insane, I give it to my HP. I also pray the serenity prayer when I need peace and to refocus.
One thing I keep in mind when worrying about what others think is this: their opinion or what they think of me is none of my business. I have my focus on myself and I try not to worry about the gossip. It's hard as a people pleaser, but in this program I have enough stuff to work on and I can't control others, their thoughts, feelings, etc.
I hope these are helpful tools. Keep coming back! Peace to you during this troubling time.
I noticed you wrote things that you have- your assets list. Continually writing a gratitude list and things you have going well in your life puts things into proper perspective.
I also held tightly to my daily readers so as to give me a concept, principle or step to focus on each day. All that you said sounds like an excellent self-care plan - meetings, sponsor, etc. Put you first each day and do your best to stay focused on you and what you can control/change.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers - you are not alone!