Sorry. There are NO perks to alcoholism and its effects on everyone around it. However, I have been able to find a little humor today and that's better than how I used to react.
As we all know, every day is a new adventure with our A's. With my AH, it is a different mood most days. He can be quiet and just calmly read the paper and watch tv in a pleasant way. He can be a ranting, raving, mad at the world guy. He can have tons of energy. He can be a slug who has trouble moving from the chair to the couch. He can be sweet. He can be an ass. We know the drill.
I pray every morning for the guidance and patience to deal with whatever he presents. Today I have been dealing with obnoxious guy - particularly annoying in his comments, passive aggressive digs and puffing up his accomplishments this week. Ugh. Had enough. Sooooo, I went outside and gardened, did laundry and some ironing ( yes, I still iron ), made some calls, paid some bills and then plopped on the back porch to read. I actually accomplished more than I intended; all to escape him today. I made sure I put in the pleasure of reading, so I didn't feel resentful toward him.
So, while his disease is sad and worrisome, sometimes I get a lot done! Rather than rant, rave, and nag....I try to turn into an opportunity to be productive. It was humorous for me when he implied I just sat around reading, which didn't come close to what HE did this week (he mowed the lawn; took about one hour). Gotta laugh.
Ellen
Iamhere said
Sep 2, 2016
Great job Ellen - very similar to how I co-exist on 'those days'. My experience is when I stopped reacting to his moods, good/bad, and did my own thing - things just kept getting better and better. I don't believe mine acts with the intent of getting attention (consciously) but when I changed, things changed and next thing I knew, it had been a while since I'd seen the obnoxious guy.
In our home, we unintentionally fed each other. He's be obnoxious/moody, and I'd be sullen or tip-toe. He'd not see himself, but see me, and then he'd react to my sullen tip-toe mask. It was maddening when I was looking back on it during my step work. When I can do me and just be me no matter what anyone else is doing, it works so much better for my serenity!!
Good on you for being so productive! I love 'digging in the dirt' - my favorite aunt who has since passed used to say that 'digging in the dirt is good for the soul.' - so, so true for me....I bought 20 plants at Lowe's this AM for fall planters and that's my chore for tomorrow. Been to the store, got all my groceries and needs for the weekend, ran some errands, and cooking dinner. Tomorrow, F2F meeting and 'digging in the dirt'.
Making plans helps keep me saner - I've always been a planner type! Keep on keeping on - looks great on you!!
el-cee said
Sep 2, 2016
Good for you. I kind of see the drinker in my life like the catalyst for growth. We get to practice those tools and to rediscover other tools in different situations. Its growth dont you think?
Freetime said
Sep 2, 2016
I like this approach! My favorite perk is that I got into Alanon and met a lot of nice people.
El said
Sep 3, 2016
Yes, Alanon has definitely caused growth, maturity and care of self that is not selfish in a negative way! Since we can't control people, places or things, I find it helpful to try and find something positive.....even if it means I accomplished a lot and didn't blow up at A.
Thanks for responses!
Hugs- Ellen
Calm Lady said
Sep 3, 2016
Lovely thread. Was helpful to me to read about there different personalities of the A and that you never know what you are going to get!
I am grateful for Ah and that it prompted me to become part of the Al-anon family and program.
Sorry. There are NO perks to alcoholism and its effects on everyone around it. However, I have been able to find a little humor today and that's better than how I used to react.
As we all know, every day is a new adventure with our A's. With my AH, it is a different mood most days. He can be quiet and just calmly read the paper and watch tv in a pleasant way. He can be a ranting, raving, mad at the world guy. He can have tons of energy. He can be a slug who has trouble moving from the chair to the couch. He can be sweet. He can be an ass. We know the drill.
I pray every morning for the guidance and patience to deal with whatever he presents. Today I have been dealing with obnoxious guy - particularly annoying in his comments, passive aggressive digs and puffing up his accomplishments this week. Ugh. Had enough. Sooooo, I went outside and gardened, did laundry and some ironing ( yes, I still iron ), made some calls, paid some bills and then plopped on the back porch to read. I actually accomplished more than I intended; all to escape him today. I made sure I put in the pleasure of reading, so I didn't feel resentful toward him.
So, while his disease is sad and worrisome, sometimes I get a lot done! Rather than rant, rave, and nag....I try to turn into an opportunity to be productive. It was humorous for me when he implied I just sat around reading, which didn't come close to what HE did this week (he mowed the lawn; took about one hour). Gotta laugh.
Ellen
In our home, we unintentionally fed each other. He's be obnoxious/moody, and I'd be sullen or tip-toe. He'd not see himself, but see me, and then he'd react to my sullen tip-toe mask. It was maddening when I was looking back on it during my step work. When I can do me and just be me no matter what anyone else is doing, it works so much better for my serenity!!
Good on you for being so productive! I love 'digging in the dirt' - my favorite aunt who has since passed used to say that 'digging in the dirt is good for the soul.' - so, so true for me....I bought 20 plants at Lowe's this AM for fall planters and that's my chore for tomorrow. Been to the store, got all my groceries and needs for the weekend, ran some errands, and cooking dinner. Tomorrow, F2F meeting and 'digging in the dirt'.
Making plans helps keep me saner - I've always been a planner type! Keep on keeping on - looks great on you!!
Yes, Alanon has definitely caused growth, maturity and care of self that is not selfish in a negative way! Since we can't control people, places or things, I find it helpful to try and find something positive.....even if it means I accomplished a lot and didn't blow up at A.
Thanks for responses!
Hugs- Ellen
I am grateful for Ah and that it prompted me to become part of the Al-anon family and program.