This is a tough one for me bounderies,setting them and how to verblly say them with consequences to follow?? My story today is after all my drama and chaos of getting my qualifiers out of my home last night night my ex addict boyfriend kept texting my ph,im very much over him though he stole my billfold and has justified stealing it by saying he was getting even with me for years past incidents that still wasn't my fault he would be locked up in jail every time something happened when he get out of jail I'd get the whole blame of whatever his so called freinds would do,my ? Is m now just trying to be civil with him cause he stays next door at my neighbors everyday just about,and wants to take my loving little Yorky and keep him for a night,I'm not feeling good about that so I havent gave him a clear answer on that one,prolly no will be my answer,he does put a bit of fear into me i know he is looking at life in prison,and for me to drop the charges on him stealing my billfold is just a drop in a bucket to him he don't care just my attempt to get the rest of my very important cards i.e. My hair license and other documents back,anyways it's a long story as how I ended up talking to him started with my brother but brother left here yesterday, like I said no feelings there for ex,just I got to be civil and having a hard time doing so,I need boundaries,for ex is very pro manipulative he mastered it .so what would be my boundaries for him wanting my dog for a nite or how do I tell him no it's not gonna happen,another fear I have I got word that he said he gets a chance he will steal my little 10 yo dog he is just a small Yorky but he is my baby ,this ex justifying everything he has done to me saying he getting even and that we ate about even now with him stealing my billfold which had my life in it,I got most back but lost a lot and cost and wear and tare on me my car and my sanity my physical self has gone down but I have to set boundaries some how with this person and staying civil all at the same time.........hugs....in recovery lu
jojo8466 said
Aug 31, 2016
NO is a complete sentence.......no way in hell would I let someone with his issues "borrow" my precious puppy for 5 minutes much less a full night. Especially since you have heard the wants to "steal" your pup.
hotrod said
Aug 31, 2016
LU nice awareness and share I do believe that simply protecting your little dog is very important Remember NO is a complete sentence!! Being courteous and respectful of others does no mean that we do not treat ourselves in the same manner Your responsibility is to yourself and your little fury friend.
Positive thoughts on the way
Mattie said
Aug 31, 2016
It sounds like he knows you are vulnerable through your little dog. I can bet that if he took him, you would have a hard time getting him back, or worse. Could be much worse. How awful that your ex is next door a lot of the time - that makes you vulnerable, though I guess you would also be vulnerable if he lived across town but kept hassling you. Some people have a craving to make someone else a victim. It sounds like he is one of these. I wish there were just a way to never see him again. If you are put in the position of interacting with him, maybe you could try what my mother said whenever anyone pestered her: "Maybe later." Of course later never came. If you asked her later, she'd say "Maybe later." She would say it till the end of time. She never said No, she just said "Maybe later."
I hope this guy is out of your hair soon. He sure does sound like a master manipulator. Take care of yourself and don't fall for anything! Stay safe!
Iamhere said
Aug 31, 2016
I think we often forget that we only have to consider ourselves and our side of the street after years of putting others first....I agree with JoJo and Betty - No is a complete sentence. It does not matter what his motives are, his past, or anything else - do what works for you and your fur-baby!! There is nothing wrong with stating that you are working on yourself, you are being civil because it's the right thing to do but that you need space and distance from him to work on you.
If he can't understand that boundary, I suspect a TRO would work well especially with the pending court case. You don't have to be overly kind - treat him as any other neighbor who's behavior concerns you. Acting as if helps me often in times like this...
(((Hugs))) LU - you got this!
lookingup said
Aug 31, 2016
Thanks for all this very welcomed help .iamhere,what does TRO mean?.all of his drama has costed me more than I can afford and it just keeps on going,my thinking is that to just cut. It all by not mentioning my moms cross necklace or my important documents from my bill fold and just cut all ties with xbf ,my sanity is w or th a whole lots more than all that he has of mine,and I'm sure my mom ain't caring bout the necklace where she is in heaven,just so so sentimentle to me, as for my documents from billfold I can or will chaulk it up and move on with my life .and know that I'll be ok without those things and my sanity is worth more than that.....hugs lu
Iamhere said
Aug 31, 2016
Temporary Restraining Order (not sure what it's called in your state)...
lookingup said
Aug 31, 2016
Thank you Iamhere,we have a order of protection is what they call it here good for only 10 days,and go before the judge to get it.ive been thinking about that.....lu
This is a tough one for me bounderies,setting them and how to verblly say them with consequences to follow?? My story today is after all my drama and chaos of getting my qualifiers out of my home last night night my ex addict boyfriend kept texting my ph,im very much over him though he stole my billfold and has justified stealing it by saying he was getting even with me for years past incidents that still wasn't my fault he would be locked up in jail every time something happened when he get out of jail I'd get the whole blame of whatever his so called freinds would do,my ? Is m now just trying to be civil with him cause he stays next door at my neighbors everyday just about,and wants to take my loving little Yorky and keep him for a night,I'm not feeling good about that so I havent gave him a clear answer on that one,prolly no will be my answer,he does put a bit of fear into me i know he is looking at life in prison,and for me to drop the charges on him stealing my billfold is just a drop in a bucket to him he don't care just my attempt to get the rest of my very important cards i.e. My hair license and other documents back,anyways it's a long story as how I ended up talking to him started with my brother but brother left here yesterday, like I said no feelings there for ex,just I got to be civil and having a hard time doing so,I need boundaries,for ex is very pro manipulative he mastered it .so what would be my boundaries for him wanting my dog for a nite or how do I tell him no it's not gonna happen,another fear I have I got word that he said he gets a chance he will steal my little 10 yo dog he is just a small Yorky but he is my baby ,this ex justifying everything he has done to me saying he getting even and that we ate about even now with him stealing my billfold which had my life in it,I got most back but lost a lot and cost and wear and tare on me my car and my sanity my physical self has gone down but I have to set boundaries some how with this person and staying civil all at the same time.........hugs....in recovery lu
Positive thoughts on the way
It sounds like he knows you are vulnerable through your little dog. I can bet that if he took him, you would have a hard time getting him back, or worse. Could be much worse. How awful that your ex is next door a lot of the time - that makes you vulnerable, though I guess you would also be vulnerable if he lived across town but kept hassling you. Some people have a craving to make someone else a victim. It sounds like he is one of these. I wish there were just a way to never see him again. If you are put in the position of interacting with him, maybe you could try what my mother said whenever anyone pestered her: "Maybe later." Of course later never came. If you asked her later, she'd say "Maybe later." She would say it till the end of time. She never said No, she just said "Maybe later."
I hope this guy is out of your hair soon. He sure does sound like a master manipulator. Take care of yourself and don't fall for anything! Stay safe!
If he can't understand that boundary, I suspect a TRO would work well especially with the pending court case. You don't have to be overly kind - treat him as any other neighbor who's behavior concerns you. Acting as if helps me often in times like this...
(((Hugs))) LU - you got this!