Money is a big issue for me. I'm blessed to have a good job and have no concerns for my financial well-being. However, as I consider leaving my A, I know the division of property and assets will be a factor. We've been married six years, and we kept our money separate. I've saved a lot in company 401k, and in this community property state, he'd be entitled to some of that. He spent his earnings on alcohol and high-grade marijuana. I have no idea what pot costs, but he told me he bought in bulk from an importer.
Is it unhealthy to want to use this information with a divorce attorney? Is this a lesson learned, let it go and move on? What is the healthy way to view this? I feel anything that could have been shared from his side has literally gone up in smoke , and he will benefit from my frugality. I am journaling and praying about this, but I'd appreciate any sharing and insight.
Mattie said
Aug 27, 2016
In my view it's certainly fair to do what the law allows. I do see many people ending up with less than their fair share because they feel it would be "greedy" to take what they're allowed, but I think we have to protect ourselves financially. That said, I'm not sure that the law allows for that kind of reason to be awarded more than 50% in a community property state. A good attorney will be able to advise you further. I did not live in a community property state, and I also had a pre-nup which protected the money I brought into the marriage, because I already knew my A was an extravagant spender, though I didn't know the real extent of the problem. Anyway, my attorney was very helpful and I hope yours will be likewise.
Iamhere said
Aug 27, 2016
Mcat54 - I suspect that you are not alone.....I too have a AH who goes through $$ like it's water. I, on the other hand, and very frugal - we are very different in our $$ sense! I also live in a no-fault 50% communal property state...in my state, even when/if the law is this way, you can push for a different split based on specific criteria - there are 3 options - which I can't remember now. But, I agree with Mattie - talk to a lawyer, talk to several lawyers - get the facts you can as you process.
While my state does allow exceptions, it's a battle like no other. There have been such battles here by which the final cost, after lawyer fees, made the fight unworthy. So - as a finance person, just be sure as you process you consider the total cost vs. just the numbers on paper. I am sending you positive thoughts and vibes!
Jerry F said
Aug 27, 2016
The is a reoccurring issue and has been for centuries tho my experience with it was with a sponsee years ago. She made it and he felt most intitled to it and they were also coming up on divorce. She was worried about allowing herself to be robbed blind by him so I asked her to inventory their life and partnership and make a list of what she felt in fairness, honesty and justice was the way she should do it. When the divorce was over and she and I were talking she laughed out loud and long when she told me that she felt she had done it as suggested and that her HP was okay with her decisions and actions while her alcoholic was proud and "just knew" he could take her for everything. I knew first hand that he hadn't even come close and then he wouldn't know that unless he was sober and clean. Fair, Honest and Just...was a concept. (((hugs))) Work on it cause it works.
Money is a big issue for me. I'm blessed to have a good job and have no concerns for my financial well-being. However, as I consider leaving my A, I know the division of property and assets will be a factor. We've been married six years, and we kept our money separate. I've saved a lot in company 401k, and in this community property state, he'd be entitled to some of that. He spent his earnings on alcohol and high-grade marijuana. I have no idea what pot costs, but he told me he bought in bulk from an importer.
Is it unhealthy to want to use this information with a divorce attorney? Is this a lesson learned, let it go and move on? What is the healthy way to view this? I feel anything that could have been shared from his side has literally gone up in smoke
, and he will benefit from my frugality. I am journaling and praying about this, but I'd appreciate any sharing and insight.
In my view it's certainly fair to do what the law allows. I do see many people ending up with less than their fair share because they feel it would be "greedy" to take what they're allowed, but I think we have to protect ourselves financially. That said, I'm not sure that the law allows for that kind of reason to be awarded more than 50% in a community property state. A good attorney will be able to advise you further. I did not live in a community property state, and I also had a pre-nup which protected the money I brought into the marriage, because I already knew my A was an extravagant spender, though I didn't know the real extent of the problem. Anyway, my attorney was very helpful and I hope yours will be likewise.
While my state does allow exceptions, it's a battle like no other. There have been such battles here by which the final cost, after lawyer fees, made the fight unworthy. So - as a finance person, just be sure as you process you consider the total cost vs. just the numbers on paper. I am sending you positive thoughts and vibes!
The is a reoccurring issue and has been for centuries tho my experience with it was with a sponsee years ago. She made it and he felt most intitled to it and they were also coming up on divorce. She was worried about allowing herself to be robbed blind by him so I asked her to inventory their life and partnership and make a list of what she felt in fairness, honesty and justice was the way she should do it. When the divorce was over and she and I were talking she laughed out loud and long when she told me that she felt she had done it as suggested and that her HP was okay with her decisions and actions while her alcoholic was proud and "just knew" he could take her for everything. I knew first hand that he hadn't even come close and then he wouldn't know that unless he was sober and clean. Fair, Honest and Just...was a concept. (((hugs)))
Work on it cause it works.