So I send a text last night to my A lover telling him I had been reading about detaching with love - I told him I loved him, how sorry I was that he had this disease and I hoped he got well soon and he had my number if he ever wanted to talk. I felt good about sending it - felt a relief - that lasted for a couple hours and then what did I do ???? I went to bed and sent a text telling him I was in bed, I hope he sleeps well and I'd text him tomorrow. WTH is WRONG with me???? I know I can't control him and his actions but good Lord I can't even control myself by not sending him texts after stating I wouldn't any more. UGH!!! So now I sit here confused and feeling anxious wondering do I send a text this morning to check on him beings I said I would or do I do nothing and then he thinks I'm a liar and I don't care anymore because I said I would send one and I don't ------ ugh ----- this confusion sucks!
I went to mass last night and prayed for God to help ME (I always pray for God to help him) so this was a huge step for me. But to be honest I feel like I have gained a better knowledge and more strength from all of you and this site and the sayings I have read here than I ever have by praying to God for him. Makes me feel like God doesn't like me very much.
milkwood said
Aug 21, 2016
Great awareness Jojo! Once we start seeing what we are doing and pray for us perhaps it gets easier for us to look in the place where God shows us what we need?
I agree, these boards are priceless and I am so grateful.
hotrod said
Aug 21, 2016
JOJO HP speaks through people -- You have been brought here by your HP so as to be helped and I am glad you are connecting.
It is progress not perfection that we look for. Keep on keeping on
Iamhere said
Aug 21, 2016
JoJo - where you are today is aware and ready for change/action. That's exactly how progress in this program works. Yesterday is already over - no need to worry, fret or considering trying to change it. You have choices - if you want to text, do so. If you don't think you should, don't. Loving an alcoholic is never easy and nobody has all the right answers. Take care of you, focus on you and let it all go!
I too am grateful for all here as well as the many posts that brighten my mood, talk to me and lead me to a different way of thinking/doing. My sanity has been restored (mostly) and I woke up grateful and serene. Of course, I thought myself into a anxious place by realizing I've not heard from my active son for a week. I spent more time talking with God and turning him over - again and again. I often forget that powerlessness includes my own stinking thinking at times....
So I send a text last night to my A lover telling him I had been reading about detaching with love - I told him I loved him, how sorry I was that he had this disease and I hoped he got well soon and he had my number if he ever wanted to talk. I felt good about sending it - felt a relief - that lasted for a couple hours and then what did I do ???? I went to bed and sent a text telling him I was in bed, I hope he sleeps well and I'd text him tomorrow. WTH is WRONG with me???? I know I can't control him and his actions but good Lord I can't even control myself by not sending him texts after stating I wouldn't any more.
UGH!!! So now I sit here confused and feeling anxious wondering do I send a text this morning to check on him beings I said I would or do I do nothing and then he thinks I'm a liar and I don't care anymore because I said I would send one and I don't ------ ugh ----- this confusion sucks!
I went to mass last night and prayed for God to help ME (I always pray for God to help him) so this was a huge step for me. But to be honest I feel like I have gained a better knowledge and more strength from all of you and this site and the sayings I have read here than I ever have by praying to God for him. Makes me feel like God doesn't like me very much.
I agree, these boards are priceless and I am so grateful.
JOJO HP speaks through people -- You have been brought here by your HP so as to be helped and I am glad you are connecting.
It is progress not perfection that we look for. Keep on keeping on
I too am grateful for all here as well as the many posts that brighten my mood, talk to me and lead me to a different way of thinking/doing. My sanity has been restored (mostly) and I woke up grateful and serene. Of course, I thought myself into a anxious place by realizing I've not heard from my active son for a week. I spent more time talking with God and turning him over - again and again. I often forget that powerlessness includes my own stinking thinking at times....
(((Hugs)))