Ok, I have been battling my fear of starting a new career as a financial advisor. AND, the worst part is, I'm getting resentful at my bf because he's the one pushing me to interview. I sent my resume, and dammit, they called for an interview which is scheduled for next week. Honestly, I am not sure I am cut out for the job but mainly that's because I don't believe in my self. I have very low self confidence. 16 years of being out of the job market kinda takes a toll on you. I have no skills other than financial services and nothing to fall back on.
My BF has been the driving force behind this and as my fear increases, my resentments towards him increase as well. I can't seem to stop the cycle. He's right in how he approaches it: I don't have a way to increase my earnings where I'm at now and any lateral move to another firm will only increase my salary by about $5K a year, which really isn't much on an annual basis and doesn't help me long term. I know that if I take the chance on myself NOW, it will be easier on me financially than if I try to do this same thing in 3 years when my savings has dwindled to NOTHING. He's made it clear that it's time for me to take a chance on myself and he truly believes I can do this. The job will require 7 weeks of training where you go door to door to work on your cold calling techniques and follow up skills. That is: AFTER I take the licensing exams and actually pass them. Yes, I passed them 20 years ago but I was younger and didn't have the same stresses in life as I do now.
While I understand where my bf is coming from and I agree with him. I just don't have the same belief in myself as he does. He called me out on it last night and basically said, "Low self confidence, Bonnie, does not look good on you." Sigh.....I know that. I just can't shake this feeling of inadequacy. It truly sucks!
hotrod said
Aug 20, 2016
I found that when i returned to the work force after 12 years, that when I took a brush up coarsel it increased my confidence . Can you take a coarse to help you with the licensing test?
andromeda said
Aug 20, 2016
IF I get the job, Betty, they will provide all the training and support, actually. i have the testing material here from 3 years ago when my bf took his test so it's relatively current. It's just very overwhelming. There is a LOT to know but those licenses can help me no matter which firm I go to. In other words, if I can pass the test BUT fail at Jones as an advisor, I'd still have my licenses to take to other companies. I'd not have the same earning potential, though, but I'd still have better earning potential than I do now because my current firm is not interested in licensing me.
I know how difficult the job ahead of me will be. I will be required to bring in new business, help people plan for retirement, make sure I invest wisely, and talk to people about their fears and give exemplary customer service if I want to keep them as clients. The whole thing is overwhelming yet I see the advisors I currently work for, and I know I can do what they do. I love to talk to people about their financial goals, about how to help them invest wisely but also where to save or cut expenses, etc. I'm not stupid. I know the industry. I just don't have the specific training and timely wisdom to be confident in my answers. I get flustered on the phone these days when clients call and they're angry. I need to learn how to handle anger and rejection, etc. I'm just not sure I'm ready for that step yet. But, I can't wait too long. Waiting is not a good idea because every month that goes by saps my savings and I see it slowly going away.
And, I'm beating myself up for not fighting harder in the divorce for the things I know I was entitled to: I gave up my XAH's pension. I didn't push for long term alimony even though i feel that I probably would have been entitled to more. I am taking less child support, as well, because my XAH just drains me whenever we have to interact. I am kicking myself today for being too nice because all it got me was further in a hole.
Iamhere said
Aug 20, 2016
Hey girl - 5 people can tell me I am fine and will do well and I battle them. You are right - it very well may have to do with self-esteem and self-confidence. Perhaps some 'keep it simple' applies here? Focus on today - it's Saturday....not interview day and not test day. Set a timer, and allow yourself to process what you can do to plan for this. The let it go, just for today. Maybe spend some team each day doing positive affirmations too. Lastly, I am a huge believer in writing about it, talking about it and praying about it. It's so much easier for me to see what is real and what is projected fear in black/white - I am such a visual person.
I understand the resentment too - for me, when one is pushing me to move forward and I resist - it's because I am already projecting I will fail and it will be their fault!!! I have really had to stop looking at things as pass/fail, success/fail, good/bad. Your decisions here are good vs. better. There is no harm/foul in trying a new career since you will still be employable if it's not a good fit!
You are worthy of a $1M/year job in my eyes - does that help? (((Hugs)) - also....considering all that you've been through with this disease, I will offer that this appears to be a piece of cake relatively speaking - right?
Jill said
Aug 20, 2016
Another aspect to the higher paying job is that it's usually a more interesting job.
What would you advise a dear friend who lacked confidence?
Once you get through this part, you'll thank your bf for the nudge. My $ is on you.
pinkchip said
Aug 20, 2016
Cutting your losses with your ex and moving on was not all bad. Like you said, you protected your sanity. Don't look at this career stuff as tasks/chores. This is a set of challenges and you only live once. Honestly, I feel you will slam dunk the tests now because you are older and wiser and you will find those things to be assets in the business world. People will take you more seriously than when you were 30. I never saw myself as a boss/administrator until I REALLY accepted I deserved it and was qualified. I could have hung back and stayed stagnant, but glad I didnt.
Jerry F said
Aug 20, 2016
God Andromeda...I swear my Higher Power wants to finish our discussion on my characteristic of procrastination. I needed to get off of my failure of not following thru beyond where I am on a situation that requires an attorney and the courts...It's truly 20 years old and no one else involved wants to raise their hand and say "Here let us also help you". No it is not your situation and it is similar because the solution falls on my follow thru. So at my morning meeting a friend of mind who is recovering and re-establishing himself as an attorney was asked to give me a referral that might help and he will provide that shortly and I can move on with what is my responsibility only. I've got no one to point the finger at but myself and that seems sick even as I sit here projecting it all coming out my way. I have to do my part. Thanks so much for this times post. ((((hugs))))
andromeda said
Aug 20, 2016
To add to what Iamhere said above: my BF keeps telling me that I am overthinking everything by jumping ahead mentally in the process. He said, "How do you eat an elephant? One bit at a time right?"
Step 1: get through the interview process because there's still no guarantee I'll get the job
STep 2: get the job
Step 3: Study for the tests, take the assessments, do everything they tell you in the training
Step 4: Pass the dang tests
Step 5: Back to serious training both at corporate and going door to door for a few months
Step 6: follow up and follow through and work the first year of sales
Etc, etc....It's a process and I tend to think 1 year from now and how the heck will people actually trust me with their money. I forget that by that point I'll have a lot of training under my belt and will be better prepared than I am now.
And, like Pinkchip said, I have more credibility and life experience at my age than someone at 25-30 who tries to build their business. i know what fear is when it comes to planning for retirement. A 25 year old doesn't even have kids yet usually or caring for aging parents, college educations, or their own long term care needs. That's something I think about daily at my age, lol.
And, to what Jill said: Yes, I would tell a friend to go for it. I am totally bored where I am now and I'm so tired of being at the mercy of my crazy boss. She's super weird and sweet one day and then bitching at me for being not productive enough the next. then I exceed her expectations and she's my best friend again but she's weird about it. She calls all of us sweetie and honey and rubs my back when she walks up behind me in a 'friendly way'. It's weird.
I have no benefits at this job other than the fact that they let me take time off if I ask but I don't get paid for it. No health insurance either and I just found out that Aetna (my insurance provider that I pay for myself and use Obamacare for) is not going to be working with Obamacare anymore and I'm going to have to find another policy. I LOVE my current policy and I'm so tired of this insurance nightmare.
I often wonder what my bf sees in me; yet I remember that the man started dating me when I was still in the divorce process, I had no job at all, I was newly living on my own, didn't even have a job prospect in line, lol.....yet, here we are 16 months later and we're living together combining families and loving life. Go figure!
milkwood said
Aug 21, 2016
(((((Andromeda)))))
I honestly think that if you came to my door and offered to help me work out my finances for the future I would consider myself very lucky to have you looking out for me.
As to job interviews- always a bit nerve wracking for me but I tell myself that this is something that, at worst, is a way of seeing how the process goes and what I can learn from it if I need to do another interview after that. Not bad experience really, and it's free! At best I am knocking on a door to a new option in my life and I have every right to interview the interviewers about what they are offering so that I can judge for myself if I want to go through that door. It is my choice at that point.
I love your processing of the 'steps' and that you recognise that you will have new tools under your belt. You've got this!
andromeda said
Aug 21, 2016
Aww, thank you Milkwood. I'll try to pretend that you are the person behind every door I knock on!
I often repeat one of the Just for Today's in my head: I can do something for 12 hours that would appall me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
I go to that....hmmmm....every day when I walk in the door to work, lol
SerenityRUS said
Aug 21, 2016
Hey at least you aren't out in your car throwing up before you go to work .. LOL!!!
Ok, I have been battling my fear of starting a new career as a financial advisor. AND, the worst part is, I'm getting resentful at my bf because he's the one pushing me to interview. I sent my resume, and dammit, they called for an interview which is scheduled for next week. Honestly, I am not sure I am cut out for the job but mainly that's because I don't believe in my self. I have very low self confidence. 16 years of being out of the job market kinda takes a toll on you. I have no skills other than financial services and nothing to fall back on.
My BF has been the driving force behind this and as my fear increases, my resentments towards him increase as well. I can't seem to stop the cycle. He's right in how he approaches it: I don't have a way to increase my earnings where I'm at now and any lateral move to another firm will only increase my salary by about $5K a year, which really isn't much on an annual basis and doesn't help me long term. I know that if I take the chance on myself NOW, it will be easier on me financially than if I try to do this same thing in 3 years when my savings has dwindled to NOTHING. He's made it clear that it's time for me to take a chance on myself and he truly believes I can do this. The job will require 7 weeks of training where you go door to door to work on your cold calling techniques and follow up skills. That is: AFTER I take the licensing exams and actually pass them. Yes, I passed them 20 years ago but I was younger and didn't have the same stresses in life as I do now.
While I understand where my bf is coming from and I agree with him. I just don't have the same belief in myself as he does. He called me out on it last night and basically said, "Low self confidence, Bonnie, does not look good on you." Sigh.....I know that. I just can't shake this feeling of inadequacy. It truly sucks!
I know how difficult the job ahead of me will be. I will be required to bring in new business, help people plan for retirement, make sure I invest wisely, and talk to people about their fears and give exemplary customer service if I want to keep them as clients. The whole thing is overwhelming yet I see the advisors I currently work for, and I know I can do what they do. I love to talk to people about their financial goals, about how to help them invest wisely but also where to save or cut expenses, etc. I'm not stupid. I know the industry. I just don't have the specific training and timely wisdom to be confident in my answers. I get flustered on the phone these days when clients call and they're angry. I need to learn how to handle anger and rejection, etc. I'm just not sure I'm ready for that step yet. But, I can't wait too long. Waiting is not a good idea because every month that goes by saps my savings and I see it slowly going away.
And, I'm beating myself up for not fighting harder in the divorce for the things I know I was entitled to: I gave up my XAH's pension. I didn't push for long term alimony even though i feel that I probably would have been entitled to more. I am taking less child support, as well, because my XAH just drains me whenever we have to interact. I am kicking myself today for being too nice because all it got me was further in a hole.
Hey girl - 5 people can tell me I am fine and will do well and I battle them. You are right - it very well may have to do with self-esteem and self-confidence. Perhaps some 'keep it simple' applies here? Focus on today - it's Saturday....not interview day and not test day. Set a timer, and allow yourself to process what you can do to plan for this. The let it go, just for today. Maybe spend some team each day doing positive affirmations too. Lastly, I am a huge believer in writing about it, talking about it and praying about it. It's so much easier for me to see what is real and what is projected fear in black/white - I am such a visual person.
I understand the resentment too - for me, when one is pushing me to move forward and I resist - it's because I am already projecting I will fail and it will be their fault!!! I have really had to stop looking at things as pass/fail, success/fail, good/bad. Your decisions here are good vs. better. There is no harm/foul in trying a new career since you will still be employable if it's not a good fit!
You are worthy of a $1M/year job in my eyes - does that help? (((Hugs)) - also....considering all that you've been through with this disease, I will offer that this appears to be a piece of cake relatively speaking - right?
What would you advise a dear friend who lacked confidence?
Once you get through this part, you'll thank your bf for the nudge. My $ is on you.
God Andromeda...I swear my Higher Power wants to finish our discussion on my characteristic of procrastination. I needed to get off of my failure of not following thru beyond where I am on a situation that requires an attorney and the courts...It's truly 20 years old and no one else involved wants to raise their hand and say "Here let us also help you". No it is not your situation and it is similar because the solution falls on my follow thru. So at my morning meeting a friend of mind who is recovering and re-establishing himself as an attorney was asked to give me a referral that might help and he will provide that shortly and I can move on with what is my responsibility only. I've got no one to point the finger at but myself and that seems sick even as I sit here projecting it all coming out my way. I have to do my part. Thanks so much for this times post. ((((hugs))))
Step 1: get through the interview process because there's still no guarantee I'll get the job
STep 2: get the job
Step 3: Study for the tests, take the assessments, do everything they tell you in the training
Step 4: Pass the dang tests
Step 5: Back to serious training both at corporate and going door to door for a few months
Step 6: follow up and follow through and work the first year of sales
Etc, etc....It's a process and I tend to think 1 year from now and how the heck will people actually trust me with their money. I forget that by that point I'll have a lot of training under my belt and will be better prepared than I am now.
And, like Pinkchip said, I have more credibility and life experience at my age than someone at 25-30 who tries to build their business. i know what fear is when it comes to planning for retirement. A 25 year old doesn't even have kids yet usually or caring for aging parents, college educations, or their own long term care needs. That's something I think about daily at my age, lol.
And, to what Jill said: Yes, I would tell a friend to go for it. I am totally bored where I am now and I'm so tired of being at the mercy of my crazy boss. She's super weird and sweet one day and then bitching at me for being not productive enough the next. then I exceed her expectations and she's my best friend again but she's weird about it. She calls all of us sweetie and honey and rubs my back when she walks up behind me in a 'friendly way'. It's weird.
I have no benefits at this job other than the fact that they let me take time off if I ask but I don't get paid for it. No health insurance either and I just found out that Aetna (my insurance provider that I pay for myself and use Obamacare for) is not going to be working with Obamacare anymore and I'm going to have to find another policy. I LOVE my current policy and I'm so tired of this insurance nightmare.
I often wonder what my bf sees in me; yet I remember that the man started dating me when I was still in the divorce process, I had no job at all, I was newly living on my own, didn't even have a job prospect in line, lol.....yet, here we are 16 months later and we're living together combining families and loving life. Go figure!
I honestly think that if you came to my door and offered to help me work out my finances for the future I would consider myself very lucky to have you looking out for me.
As to job interviews- always a bit nerve wracking for me but I tell myself that this is something that, at worst, is a way of seeing how the process goes and what I can learn from it if I need to do another interview after that. Not bad experience really, and it's free! At best I am knocking on a door to a new option in my life and I have every right to interview the interviewers about what they are offering so that I can judge for myself if I want to go through that door. It is my choice at that point.
I love your processing of the 'steps' and that you recognise that you will have new tools under your belt. You've got this!
I often repeat one of the Just for Today's in my head: I can do something for 12 hours that would appall me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
I go to that....hmmmm....every day when I walk in the door to work, lol
Hey at least you aren't out in your car throwing up before you go to work .. LOL!!!