I know you don't give advice but does anyone have any experience of this?
My parter has been an alcoholic for many years. Over the past 6 months or so there have only been a handful of days she has not drunk. This past run of about 3 weeks has been really bad and I think she is now drinking a litre of vodka a day. Up until yesterday she had been going to work (!) this morning she told me she that she was being spied on by aliens and that they were coming to take her. She has spent all day hiding under the bed and won't come out as they will get her. I have been trying to get her to see her doctor, who knows she is an alcoholic, or go to hospital but she refuses.she also thinks I am going to have someone come take her away so every time she sees me with my phone she tries to run off. She said that all the doctors are in on it and she can't trust anyone.
I know this sounds like a kid having a bad dream but I am sure she believes what she is saying. I called her doctor but they need to see her and she needs to cooperate, which she won't. No one will come out as she is not in any immediate danger.
Does anyone have any experience of this? I've lived with her drinking for 10 years or more so I know alcoholic bs when I hear it,but I've never seen this before. I'm not sure if it's safe to leave her on her own, and I don't know if I should try and talk to her about it and if so how. She sounds paranoid and looks scared. She needs help but refuses everything I suggest.
Freetime said
Aug 16, 2016
I am so sorry you are going through this. Alcohol does affect the brain. I do not have direct experience with your exact situation, but can you call an ambulance because of her altered mental state, so she could be taken to an emergency room and be seen by a doctor? You shouldn't have to handle this difficult situation all on your own.
Iamhere said
Aug 16, 2016
This posted 3 times - I removed the other 2.....I have no experience with this scenario and am so sorry for what you are going through. I know the officials must hear a threat of self harm or harm to others here before they will consider a psych. hold of any kind. It makes no sense for me to speculate if it's a reaction to her alcohol or if it's something else. We could spend hours trying to diagnose, and still not know - my vote is to take care of you and see if it shall pass.
If not, I would do whatever is possible to get her any help needed. AA groups do 12 Step calls to homes if you call/ask them to do so. Just a thought...
(((Hugs))) - sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.
Clara75 said
Aug 16, 2016
Thank you both for your kind words and support (and sorry for posting 3 times!) I know there are no answers, but its a relief to be heard. I have spent a long time today considering whether to call the hospital or for an ambulance, so they can see her and also check her physical health, but I know youre right - they will not hold anyone unless they are in danger or a danger to someone else. She is terrified of being locked up, and of hospitals and if I do call for an ambulance as soon as she is let out she said she will run off. That might be an empty threat but it feels like too big a risk to take. I am just so out of my depth with this. She needs someone to help her who understands mental health and addiction but flatly refuses to ask or even be honest with them when they ask.
I hadnt thought of contacting AA. She does have a sponsor although she wont see her when shes drinking, so I dont think they have been in touch for a while and she doesnt go to meetings anymore. I will try though. Thank you
savingmyself said
Aug 16, 2016
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I obviously cannot be sure of what is happening with her, whether it be the alcohol or another mental illness. I friend has a sibling with schizophrenia (not to say that is what's happening here, but I'm comparing bc of the symptoms you describe), and when she would hide under the bed and refuse to get out, I remember seeing him get under there with her and not try to change her reality. I dont know how, perhaps just the validation, but it would calm her down and she'd come out. Perhaps if you can get her to come out, the next step will be clearer... in getting to the hospital, or whatever it may be. Just an idea. Take care and all the best.
Jerry F said
Aug 16, 2016
look up the information on ARD Alcohol Related Dementia which is a real symptom in this disease. I can remember standing and waiting at 3AM in a Shopping Center parking lot for a space ship to land and remove me from the county I lived in. It never came....Darn!! and then I went to get help as directed. You can ask her doctor to have the help come and take her for fear that she might hurt herself and don't second guess that process whether she is or isn't...you don't know. Sad that she is going thru this. It is one of the signs of "end stage" alcoholism and you are powerless. keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
milkwood said
Aug 16, 2016
Hello Clara - it sounds frightening for you both and I am sorry that you are having to go through this experience.
When my husband was getting somewhat paranoid I kept two experiences in mind.
I once watched a lecture in which a specialist in mental health issues was addressing other people in the medical profession. He picked out someone from the audience and asked him 'what is your name and what do you do for a living?' The reply was 'my name is Robert and I am a doctor.' The lecturer asked 'and are you married Robert?' 'Yes', said Robert, ' we have been married for eleven years and we have three children'. The lecturer then said to Robert 'I'm sorry to have to tell you this Robert but you are not a doctor. You have been in my surgery four times in as many days and you are disturbing the other patients. I really appreciate how difficult this is for you to hear but we have been taking care of you for several months now and it appears that you are having a relapse. I do need you to go back to the hospital now. The nurse there, who is not your wife by the way, will take good care of you.' Laughter throughout the auditorium. But the lecturer persisted, the laughter became more nervous, and after a few minutes Robert, who is a professional doctor, who knows very well what is going on and where he is, none the less started to become visibly agitated and defensive. Seeing this lecture helped me to understand how very frightening it is for anyone to have their realities completely denied. (Something that I think we in Alanon may have experienced and been infuriated by quite a lot ourselves btw!!)
My second story is this: I have an in-law who is schizophrenic and who I love very much. One evening she told me a story about a space craft that she had seen. It was an amazing story and I chose to accept that what she was saying was her reality. We talked for half an hour or so and at the end of the story she paused and then she smiled. She said 'thank you for your acceptance, I know that it is highly unlikely that the space craft was really there' which touched me a lot.
I hope that you are finding a peaceful place to recalibrate and restore yourself - it sounds like a lot to cope with on your own. ((((Hugs))))
-- Edited by milkwood on Tuesday 16th of August 2016 01:02:42 PM
Iamhere said
Aug 16, 2016
Clara - no worries on duplicate posts - I just wanted to be sure any ESH arrived in one thread for you! (((Hugs)))
One things I thought of is a recommendation that I've heard here and also at meetings - instead of looking @ you and he as the characters, consider you and a best friend. What would you do for your best friend? What would you want your best friend to do for you? So often times, we get stuck in making rational decisions because we are dealing with an irrational person/situation. Perhaps do some 'act as if' scenarios to brainstorm more possible choices.
Just a thought - take what you like and leave the rest.
Cathyinaz said
Aug 16, 2016
My son's problem was everyone was stealing his wallet, keys, money....anything he might have left that was his.
I can say now after 2 1/2 years sober he is quite normal again.
Stay Strong and Let Go and Let God
((( hugs )))
pinkchip said
Aug 16, 2016
Thiamine deficiency from poor diet is usually at the root of Korsakoff's Syndrome. She may also have decided to throw some pills or other substance into the mix. I think she does sound like a danger to herself and could be committed but even if that did happen, it would be a 72 hour hold. Lilely she would go into DTs and they would have to treat that too. Is she still eating? A dose of thiamine would help if this is weirnicke-korsakoff's.
Calm Lady said
Aug 17, 2016
When I was an active drinker, I was completely paranoid. My AH too. I think is pretty common with A's. It left me when I quit drinking. Hope this helps.
Clara75 said
Aug 17, 2016
Thank you all for sharing your ESH with me. The ones about how to talk to people with these kinds of delusions are so helpful. I was really unsure about whether to try and convince her it was in her head or go along with what she was saying. I sat with her for a long time and listened to her worries - she did eventually agree to come to and we went round and checked all the doors and windows were locked so she felt safe. She did keep asking me what a particular light in the sky was I just said, oh, I think thats a satellite, its nothing to be worried about.. she didnt look totally convinced but was quite calm. She did eat a good meal last night and but hasnt been eating very much over the last week or so. This morning she is sick but seems a lot calmer and more herself.
Pinkchip and Jerry - thank you for those suggestions. I have read up both of the conditions you mentioned. Jerry, that must have been so frightening for you. She was given injections of Vitamin B1 (Thiamine) when in she went to rehab about 5 years ago I had forgotten that this was a side effect of drinking. Ive got some supplements from the pharmacist. Its not what shed get from a doctor but its better than nothing I suppose.
It is hard to stand back from someone you are so deeply connected to and try and make rational decisions, not based on my own fear or lack of understanding. I either act first and think later when under pressure, which I think often makes things worse, or am frozen with indecision because of possibly doing the wrong thing. So the idea of applying this situation to someone else I know is really helpful in seeing things more clearly. And I just pray that one day she will ask for help from someone experienced and qualified, but right now I am the only one who even knows this is happening.
Thank you for your support and (((hugs)))) from across the world
milkwood said
Aug 17, 2016
((((((Clara))))))
You are doing great!
Are you still managing to get to face to face meetings? Our own health and well-being matters me-thinks and concentrating on my own well-being has helped me to stay calm and relatively normal (whatever that means!) in the midst of spiralling chaos. I know that being isolated with my husband's drama drives me nuts after a while and I find that having folks that I can talk to who understand really helps me step away from that chaos. It is way too much to cope with on my own!!
Iamhere said
Aug 17, 2016
I agree with milkwood - you are doing great! I also agree that sticking as close to my own program and recovery helps keep me grounded and promotes better thinking in times of turmoil. Be good to you too - you are worth it!
Clara75 said
Aug 18, 2016
Hi,I do go to meetings but not that often I still struggle with being away from home by choice (so not work or other commitments) even when I would rather be anywhere else but in a house full of alcoholic mess and drama! Im stuck on the what if.. what if she hurts herself or worse and Im not there. I know I cant protect her from her own actions and its not my responsibility to do so anyway, but then Im back to the what ifsI'm much better than 12 months ago but some things jsut knock me sideways. I come to this board about 10 times a day and absorb as much of the collective wisdom here as I can. This last few days has shown me I do need to more to keep myself together and as normal (as I can be!). Thank you for the reminder
If not, I would do whatever is possible to get her any help needed. AA groups do 12 Step calls to homes if you call/ask them to do so. Just a thought...
(((Hugs))) - sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.
I hadnt thought of contacting AA. She does have a sponsor although she wont see her when shes drinking, so I dont think they have been in touch for a while and she doesnt go to meetings anymore. I will try though. Thank you
look up the information on ARD Alcohol Related Dementia which is a real symptom in this disease. I can remember standing and waiting at 3AM in a Shopping Center parking lot for a space ship to land and remove me from the county I lived in. It never came....Darn!! and then I went to get help as directed. You can ask her doctor to have the help come and take her for fear that she might hurt herself and don't second guess that process whether she is or isn't...you don't know. Sad that she is going thru this. It is one of the signs of "end stage" alcoholism and you are powerless. keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Hello Clara - it sounds frightening for you both and I am sorry that you are having to go through this experience.
When my husband was getting somewhat paranoid I kept two experiences in mind.
I once watched a lecture in which a specialist in mental health issues was addressing other people in the medical profession. He picked out someone from the audience and asked him 'what is your name and what do you do for a living?' The reply was 'my name is Robert and I am a doctor.' The lecturer asked 'and are you married Robert?' 'Yes', said Robert, ' we have been married for eleven years and we have three children'. The lecturer then said to Robert 'I'm sorry to have to tell you this Robert but you are not a doctor. You have been in my surgery four times in as many days and you are disturbing the other patients. I really appreciate how difficult this is for you to hear but we have been taking care of you for several months now and it appears that you are having a relapse. I do need you to go back to the hospital now. The nurse there, who is not your wife by the way, will take good care of you.' Laughter throughout the auditorium. But the lecturer persisted, the laughter became more nervous, and after a few minutes Robert, who is a professional doctor, who knows very well what is going on and where he is, none the less started to become visibly agitated and defensive. Seeing this lecture helped me to understand how very frightening it is for anyone to have their realities completely denied. (Something that I think we in Alanon may have experienced and been infuriated by quite a lot ourselves btw!!)
My second story is this: I have an in-law who is schizophrenic and who I love very much. One evening she told me a story about a space craft that she had seen. It was an amazing story and I chose to accept that what she was saying was her reality. We talked for half an hour or so and at the end of the story she paused and then she smiled. She said 'thank you for your acceptance, I know that it is highly unlikely that the space craft was really there' which touched me a lot.
I hope that you are finding a peaceful place to recalibrate and restore yourself - it sounds like a lot to cope with on your own. ((((Hugs))))
-- Edited by milkwood on Tuesday 16th of August 2016 01:02:42 PM
One things I thought of is a recommendation that I've heard here and also at meetings - instead of looking @ you and he as the characters, consider you and a best friend. What would you do for your best friend? What would you want your best friend to do for you? So often times, we get stuck in making rational decisions because we are dealing with an irrational person/situation. Perhaps do some 'act as if' scenarios to brainstorm more possible choices.
Just a thought - take what you like and leave the rest.
I can say now after 2 1/2 years sober he is quite normal again.
Stay Strong and Let Go and Let God
((( hugs )))
Thank you all for sharing your ESH with me. The ones about how to talk to people with these kinds of delusions are so helpful. I was really unsure about whether to try and convince her it was in her head or go along with what she was saying. I sat with her for a long time and listened to her worries - she did eventually agree to come to and we went round and checked all the doors and windows were locked so she felt safe. She did keep asking me what a particular light in the sky was I just said, oh, I think thats a satellite, its nothing to be worried about.. she didnt look totally convinced but was quite calm. She did eat a good meal last night and but hasnt been eating very much over the last week or so. This morning she is sick but seems a lot calmer and more herself.
Pinkchip and Jerry - thank you for those suggestions. I have read up both of the conditions you mentioned. Jerry, that must have been so frightening for you. She was given injections of Vitamin B1 (Thiamine) when in she went to rehab about 5 years ago I had forgotten that this was a side effect of drinking. Ive got some supplements from the pharmacist. Its not what shed get from a doctor but its better than nothing I suppose.
It is hard to stand back from someone you are so deeply connected to and try and make rational decisions, not based on my own fear or lack of understanding. I either act first and think later when under pressure, which I think often makes things worse, or am frozen with indecision because of possibly doing the wrong thing. So the idea of applying this situation to someone else I know is really helpful in seeing things more clearly. And I just pray that one day she will ask for help from someone experienced and qualified, but right now I am the only one who even knows this is happening.
Thank you for your support and (((hugs)))) from across the world
You are doing great!
Are you still managing to get to face to face meetings? Our own health and well-being matters me-thinks and concentrating on my own well-being has helped me to stay calm and relatively normal (whatever that means!) in the midst of spiralling chaos. I know that being isolated with my husband's drama drives me nuts after a while and I find that having folks that I can talk to who understand really helps me step away from that chaos. It is way too much to cope with on my own!!
Hi,I do go to meetings but not that often I still struggle with being away from home by choice (so not work or other commitments) even when I would rather be anywhere else but in a house full of alcoholic mess and drama! Im stuck on the what if.. what if she hurts herself or worse and Im not there. I know I cant protect her from her own actions and its not my responsibility to do so anyway, but then Im back to the what ifsI'm much better than 12 months ago but some things jsut knock me sideways. I come to this board about 10 times a day and absorb as much of the collective wisdom here as I can. This last few days has shown me I do need to more to keep myself together and as normal (as I can be!). Thank you for the reminder