Hi, everyone, I have been here more quietly as things had calmed down a bit with my alcoholic daughter. She is 27 and lives out of the house. I was mostly reading the twelve steps and working on things myself. But we had a crisis Wednesday, in which my daughter was taking pills and cutting herself in a public park. She was brought to an Emergency Room and admitted. We have been trying to get her to go into an inpatient rehab facility or a women's home with an AA program, rather than going home to her apartment when she is released. She is refusing. Her psychiatrist is talking about court orders because she is in great danger. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had experience with this. I have been feeling so sick and terrified every day. And incredibly sad for what she's going through. Reaching out. Feeling the need for help!
Mattie said
Aug 15, 2016
I'm afraid I don't have any experience with this specifically but I just wanted to send you a hug. I know this must just be awful. I think others will probably be along soon to give more ESH (experience, strength and hope).
Hope4Healing said
Aug 15, 2016
Thank you. It's amazing how much hugs help too. :)
Iamhere said
Aug 15, 2016
(((Hope))) - I'm sending you hugs as well. I have no experience with adult forced treatment, just juvenile. If you can work on you/your program, and let their process work, one never knows what may get her focused in a different direction. I understand how hopeless and helpless it seems - that I've experienced. I once left my son in my car at an adult detox center. He had no money and no keys, so he was just passed out and severely under the influence when I walked away and called a friend for a ride home.
The center personnel finally decided to call the police and when they got my son upright, they gave him a choice of entering the adult detox or going to jail. He chose detox. As I was walking away with tears streaming down my face, I literally said out loud to God - you have got this - I have done my part. He had been camping in that same car (it's a spare) in my driveway trashed out of his mind for almost 10 days. I could not watch it any longer.
Trust God and maybe someone in this process will find words that will cause a miracle/change. Hang in there!
Hope4Healing said
Aug 15, 2016
Iamhere, thank you for sharing your experience. I think it is the same feeling, in whatever way we have to leave our kids to their own process. That you were able to do this, despite all the pain, is something I have to remember. Sometimes it feels like I won't recover from the sadness and fear. But here you are, helping someone else. Your reaction of giving it to God feels so heartfelt and true. Already I feel I have to give this to God, but I also know I'll have steps to take. Those steps scare me so much. It helps to know others have gone through similar experiences and have gone on in life. Thank you. *hugs*
Iamhere said
Aug 16, 2016
I would not have been able to move forward if it weren't for others who came before me and shared their ESH. That is the beauty of How Al-Anon works in my eyes/understanding. I too thought I would not survive the pain and sadness and it creeps up at times, but others have convinced me that trusting in a higher power for the bigger plan is the only answer for peace of mind.
It's not an easy path but each step brings about a bit more peace and growth. One moment, one day at a time - we get through it. You are not alone - keep coming back!
el-cee said
Aug 16, 2016
Hi, my heart goes out to you. Its awful when its our children who are in pain.
I've had to really think about what the ultimate prices could be, the death of a child, as I felt my own child was heading towards it. I managed to feel more at peace with it, sounds awful, but the fear of it happening was torture to me so I don't see death as the worst thing that can happen now, I see it as just another type of freedom for the person and for the family. Alcoholism in a child is the most painful experience to live through, to me anyway, and the situations and choices they make is just horrible to watch so death, to me, if it happened would be a kind of release I think. I mention this because to bring your fears back into what it actually means, rather than just huge fears that are so painful. If you list each fear you have, look for what the consequence could be, so for example, if your daughter needs to reach another bottom before she reaches out then the bottom might be more welcomed. I hope this makes some sense to you.x
Hope4Healing said
Aug 16, 2016
el-cee, thank you for your words and tips on listing my fears and consequences. I think my main feeling now is the fear. I feel sadness too, sadness at what she's going through, but the way my body feels tells me fear is ruling. Yes, I sometimes have thought that death isn't as scary as living with this. Death to me is peace. Not that I want to lose her, as you're saying, but that is not as fearful as living the next months, years, with her falling apart. We want happiness for our kids. Thank you for your words. I'm going to write the fears and consequences. *hugs*
Hope4Healing said
Aug 16, 2016
Iamhere, thank you for those words of reassurance. I do feel better when I trust a higher power, and it also helps to know other survivors. Rereading what people say here is helping me manage this day! Thank you.
Hi, everyone, I have been here more quietly as things had calmed down a bit with my alcoholic daughter. She is 27 and lives out of the house. I was mostly reading the twelve steps and working on things myself. But we had a crisis Wednesday, in which my daughter was taking pills and cutting herself in a public park. She was brought to an Emergency Room and admitted. We have been trying to get her to go into an inpatient rehab facility or a women's home with an AA program, rather than going home to her apartment when she is released. She is refusing. Her psychiatrist is talking about court orders because she is in great danger. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had experience with this. I have been feeling so sick and terrified every day. And incredibly sad for what she's going through. Reaching out. Feeling the need for help!
I'm afraid I don't have any experience with this specifically but I just wanted to send you a hug. I know this must just be awful. I think others will probably be along soon to give more ESH (experience, strength and hope).
Thank you. It's amazing how much hugs help too. :)
The center personnel finally decided to call the police and when they got my son upright, they gave him a choice of entering the adult detox or going to jail. He chose detox. As I was walking away with tears streaming down my face, I literally said out loud to God - you have got this - I have done my part. He had been camping in that same car (it's a spare) in my driveway trashed out of his mind for almost 10 days. I could not watch it any longer.
Trust God and maybe someone in this process will find words that will cause a miracle/change. Hang in there!
Iamhere, thank you for sharing your experience. I think it is the same feeling, in whatever way we have to leave our kids to their own process. That you were able to do this, despite all the pain, is something I have to remember. Sometimes it feels like I won't recover from the sadness and fear. But here you are, helping someone else. Your reaction of giving it to God feels so heartfelt and true. Already I feel I have to give this to God, but I also know I'll have steps to take. Those steps scare me so much. It helps to know others have gone through similar experiences and have gone on in life. Thank you. *hugs*
It's not an easy path but each step brings about a bit more peace and growth. One moment, one day at a time - we get through it. You are not alone - keep coming back!
Hi, my heart goes out to you. Its awful when its our children who are in pain.
I've had to really think about what the ultimate prices could be, the death of a child, as I felt my own child was heading towards it. I managed to feel more at peace with it, sounds awful, but the fear of it happening was torture to me so I don't see death as the worst thing that can happen now, I see it as just another type of freedom for the person and for the family. Alcoholism in a child is the most painful experience to live through, to me anyway, and the situations and choices they make is just horrible to watch so death, to me, if it happened would be a kind of release I think. I mention this because to bring your fears back into what it actually means, rather than just huge fears that are so painful. If you list each fear you have, look for what the consequence could be, so for example, if your daughter needs to reach another bottom before she reaches out then the bottom might be more welcomed. I hope this makes some sense to you.x
el-cee, thank you for your words and tips on listing my fears and consequences. I think my main feeling now is the fear. I feel sadness too, sadness at what she's going through, but the way my body feels tells me fear is ruling. Yes, I sometimes have thought that death isn't as scary as living with this. Death to me is peace. Not that I want to lose her, as you're saying, but that is not as fearful as living the next months, years, with her falling apart. We want happiness for our kids. Thank you for your words. I'm going to write the fears and consequences. *hugs*
Iamhere, thank you for those words of reassurance. I do feel better when I trust a higher power, and it also helps to know other survivors. Rereading what people say here is helping me manage this day! Thank you.