Part of the reading said, "what if he said this, Even if it was meant to hurt, it cannot reach the real me, if I stand guard at the door of my mind." So about standing guard. What does this really mean? I am already tense and alert for those little signs that he might be ready to verbally attack me. I freaked out at a restaurant this weekend because he kept firing questions at me and I did not respond quick enough. I tell myself that he doesn't mean the hurtful things he says. In fact, he claims he cannot remember them at all. I could use some strategies for "standing guard at the door of my mind." Thanks
Iamhere said
Aug 15, 2016
Hello MovieGal and welcome to MIP. Glad that you found us and glad that you shared. The ODAT is one of three daily meditations within the Al-Anon program. There is other literature too as well as 12 Steps. Not knowing if you are just starting or active in Al-Anon, I'll share how I 'hear' this line and see if that helps you.
When anyone, my qualifiers are others, lash out at me with unacceptable words, I stand guard by the choices I have learned. To many, they seem obvious, but when we are thrown into the chaos of alcoholism, we forget. I can choose to walk away. I can choose to ignore. I can choose to respond. I can choose to react. Standing guard at the door of my mind suggests to me that I work this program to the best of my ability. After I've gone through the steps, and understand more about me, my reactions and my contribution to the insanity of the disease, I can do different. We have many tools in the program to help us understand that what another thinks of us is not our concern.
If I am doing the best I can each day, and practicing the program principles in my affairs, words are just words. In the case of my qualifiers, the words are often the result of their disease. Mine tend to lash out fast and furious when they don't get their way. I did this too before Al-Anon, just in a different way than they do. Neither is right, and I can only change me. I no longer give my power away to the words of anybody, my qualifier or another. I no longer allow others to sway my thoughts and opinions away from my truth.
The ability to stand firm and act like teflon when words are thrown my way is a gift of the program. It still hurts, I just don't need to respond to it or own it. I do listen, I will process it to see if in the context there is any truth and then either act upon that or let it all go. If I am practicing grace and dignity in all my affairs, it's much easier to process and release. When I was still very reactive, the water was way more muddy.
HTH - keep coming back - it works when we work it!
Part of the reading said, "what if he said this, Even if it was meant to hurt, it cannot reach the real me, if I stand guard at the door of my mind." So about standing guard. What does this really mean? I am already tense and alert for those little signs that he might be ready to verbally attack me. I freaked out at a restaurant this weekend because he kept firing questions at me and I did not respond quick enough. I tell myself that he doesn't mean the hurtful things he says. In fact, he claims he cannot remember them at all. I could use some strategies for "standing guard at the door of my mind." Thanks
When anyone, my qualifiers are others, lash out at me with unacceptable words, I stand guard by the choices I have learned. To many, they seem obvious, but when we are thrown into the chaos of alcoholism, we forget. I can choose to walk away. I can choose to ignore. I can choose to respond. I can choose to react. Standing guard at the door of my mind suggests to me that I work this program to the best of my ability. After I've gone through the steps, and understand more about me, my reactions and my contribution to the insanity of the disease, I can do different. We have many tools in the program to help us understand that what another thinks of us is not our concern.
If I am doing the best I can each day, and practicing the program principles in my affairs, words are just words. In the case of my qualifiers, the words are often the result of their disease. Mine tend to lash out fast and furious when they don't get their way. I did this too before Al-Anon, just in a different way than they do. Neither is right, and I can only change me. I no longer give my power away to the words of anybody, my qualifier or another. I no longer allow others to sway my thoughts and opinions away from my truth.
The ability to stand firm and act like teflon when words are thrown my way is a gift of the program. It still hurts, I just don't need to respond to it or own it. I do listen, I will process it to see if in the context there is any truth and then either act upon that or let it all go. If I am practicing grace and dignity in all my affairs, it's much easier to process and release. When I was still very reactive, the water was way more muddy.
HTH - keep coming back - it works when we work it!