I'm coming to realize what 'codependent' truly means, and it resonates so much. I don't suffer with alcohol addiction, like so many of my family and friends (how crazy it all links together!)... But I have an addiction of my own.
My mother and I both have always said that we're codependent on one another, but I didn't know really what that meant until now. It makes so much sense why codependency and substance abuse can go so closely hand in hand.... Feeding their addiction with as much 'love' as possible, all the while becoming progressively unhappy. I'm reading a bit of my first book 'Codependent No More,' going through the stories... It's interesting how spot on everything has been. Boundaries, such a foreign concept!!
My RA and I split Thursday. It was a mutual thing, but neither one of us entered the conversation knowing that was where it was going to go. It was our "better selves" understanding that we weren't good for each other right now. I surprised him on Friday at work and we had lunch together, but I haven't reached out since. In a way, it was my goodbye for a little while. I can tell he's already regretting the decision, trying to make contact. I've committed to creating some space for us both to grow, and now that I've learned more about my role in everything, I feel better that we made the best decision. And so, this begins the journey!
My closest friend was also raised in an addictive environment, and she's been leaning hard into "helping" a friend of hers, funnelling all her money into the relationship and taking a lot of verbal abuse. Sharing my eureka moment gaver her a "Huh. Well. That makes sense." moment as well lol I'm planning on attending my first F2F Al-Anon soon, I'm excited to invite her as well. I've found the cure to our pain! First step, self-awareness. lol
I've mentioned it to my mother, but she was very defensive.. I can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to, but I pray we can all move to better versions of ourselves... I'm starting to separate what codependency versus love looks like, and it feels so good. At the same time, I'm trying to start focusing so much more on myself, but it's harder than I realized.
I'm so happy I found Al-Anon.
-- Edited by OptimisticPi on Tuesday 9th of August 2016 07:09:14 AM
hotrod said
Aug 9, 2016
Great awareness and acceptance, OptimisticPi. Keep on attending alanon meetings , pick up the constructive tools offered and you will find a whole new way to interact in the world.
Iamhere said
Aug 9, 2016
Opti - I love your share. Your post for me is exactly how this program works and how we all learn. We share where we are and what we're 'seeing' or 'learning' and others go - oh yeah - I can relate - perhaps I should work/process that!!! It's all about progress and self-awareness for me was slow but rewarding.
Let us know how the meeting goes! Keep coming back - you're worth it!!
gabigail said
Aug 11, 2016
I am codependent, too, and have realized that I needed recovery in this area for myself as my RA is doing her own recovery. There is a forum on MIP for CODA, but it's far less active. However, they do have a book study on Codependent No More, as well as a 12 Step study that is pretty in depth. I'm lucky that there are f2f CODA meetings in my town. It helps to reach out in this community with like minded people, learning more about the family dynamics with codependency. Check it out onlineand see if there's a f2f meeting in your area. If think it's CODA.org. Awareness really is the first step in recovery. Good luck!
I'm coming to realize what 'codependent' truly means, and it resonates so much. I don't suffer with alcohol addiction, like so many of my family and friends (how crazy it all links together!)... But I have an addiction of my own.
My mother and I both have always said that we're codependent on one another, but I didn't know really what that meant until now. It makes so much sense why codependency and substance abuse can go so closely hand in hand.... Feeding their addiction with as much 'love' as possible, all the while becoming progressively unhappy. I'm reading a bit of my first book 'Codependent No More,' going through the stories... It's interesting how spot on everything has been. Boundaries, such a foreign concept!!
My RA and I split Thursday. It was a mutual thing, but neither one of us entered the conversation knowing that was where it was going to go. It was our "better selves" understanding that we weren't good for each other right now. I surprised him on Friday at work and we had lunch together, but I haven't reached out since. In a way, it was my goodbye for a little while. I can tell he's already regretting the decision, trying to make contact. I've committed to creating some space for us both to grow, and now that I've learned more about my role in everything, I feel better that we made the best decision. And so, this begins the journey!
My closest friend was also raised in an addictive environment, and she's been leaning hard into "helping" a friend of hers, funnelling all her money into the relationship and taking a lot of verbal abuse. Sharing my eureka moment gaver her a "Huh. Well. That makes sense." moment as well lol I'm planning on attending my first F2F Al-Anon soon, I'm excited to invite her as well. I've found the cure to our pain! First step, self-awareness. lol
I've mentioned it to my mother, but she was very defensive.. I can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to, but I pray we can all move to better versions of ourselves... I'm starting to separate what codependency versus love looks like, and it feels so good. At the same time, I'm trying to start focusing so much more on myself, but it's harder than I realized.
I'm so happy I found Al-Anon.
-- Edited by OptimisticPi on Tuesday 9th of August 2016 07:09:14 AM
Let us know how the meeting goes! Keep coming back - you're worth it!!