My son has been clean for close to two years, it's been a true blessing to have that kid back in our lives.  Yesterday it crashed down, he lives with his sister and she found him lying on his bedroom floor barely conscious. My daughter was gone all day but knows he came home the night before, my son has no memory of that night so we don't know if he laid there all night and day or if he used again on Sunday and then OD'ed.  Pills, drinking and now heroine, at least that's what he admits to.

  I am just so damn tired, my entire life I have dealt with addictions, family, myself for a time, and now my son.  Think about that, my entire 55 years on this earth addiction has been one of the constants.  

 Now the cycle with my son begins again, the constant watching and worrying.  The lack of trust, being afraid to leave him alone when he stops by my house for fear of him stealing.  The possibility of him losing his job, his apartment, his driving privileges, or his life.  It's a waiting game to see how far down he goes, I would give my life to put the brakes on his addiction.

 I am crushed, angry, disappointed, devastated, frustrated, and again, so damn tired.  At one time I had accepted he would die, I expected the call and think I was just waiting for it, and then he seemed to pull it together and I thought I could breathe and relax.  When my daughter called to tell me he was being transported to the ER I instantly shut myself down emotionally, I didn't get mad, I didn't cry, I didn't need to ask why, I just dealt with what was in front of me.  Sitting here now away from the hospitol it's over whelming me, I am so powerless.

 No idea of long term damage, several issues going they are monitoring.  The drug/alcohol cocktail and lying prone on the floor for an extended period was bad enough but he also stopped breathing at some point.  This could be the turning point where I will never again catch a glimpse of my little buddy, that personality may be erased from him forever.

Im posting because I needed the release, the people here understand and I am thankful for this community, though I wish none of us ever needed to be here. I have never believed in a physical God but do believe in the power of prayer and the power of a consolidated community, a thousand people praying creates an energy of good will.  Please pray for my son, he needs the type of help that is out of my reach.

(((Cooper)))  This disease is indeed dreadful. I know how  painful this time is for you right now.

Program tools  and sharing with alanon members,as you  have done, helped me when I experienced the same type relapse with my son. 

Positive thoughts and prayers on the way.  Please let us know the follow up 

I am so sorry for your pain. Prayers for your son and for you.  It is more devastating when it is your child; please keep coming back here.  ((((Hugs))))

Love the title of your post, no messing about here, lol. I totally understand the getting back on and after some recovery it is a surprise to find out were back on because when you step off you think thats that. It truly is cunning and baffling and we mere humans are no match on our own. Im glad your here because I keep reading this lately, we are a 'we' program.

Did you yet get into the face to face groups of the Al-Anon Family Groups Cooper?  MIP is miraculous and the face to face groups that too.  In the rooms I often met the physical God of my understanding speaking clearly and telling me their experience while in the body form of either a male, female or adolescent.  That I have come to experience is how my HP does it and it has worked.  Experiencing recovery miracles are real so therefore my HP has body forms and at time uses mine to get to others.

You can climb off of the merry-go-round any time you wish and it will show you the gut wrenching courage it takes to turn you son, once and for all over to your HP.  My son recently relapsed; he is beyond the age of 55 and I am still powerless while he knows that I am also in recovery and have held it true for +37 years.   I could have never done this without the help of others that my HP has used for substitutes and standins when and where I needed HP. 

Merry-go-rounds use to make me nauseous when I was younger and remembering that I got of and stayed off all of them. 

You were not enough to battle the addiction the first time and haven't learned anything more powerful this time...Let him go and Let God have him and go sit in the rooms and listen with a very open mind.

Sorry it took a dump on you again.   Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))

I like to listen to the recovery part of the stories.  That is where I started to get my sanity, serenity and life back.   Keep coming back (((hugs)))