Hi im new to the goup, and have been married to a functional alcoholic for 5 years. We recently moved back to the UK so that my partner could be closer to family and although I have a limited support network here, Im struggling. Over the last couple of months, his drinking has increased up to 30 can/bottles of beer per night, not every night, but usually its after work. He seems to drink when I have gone to bed and of course when i wake in the morning there is a stench of stale ale. We have talked about his drinking, but the denial is persistant. I understand that this is a disease, however when it impacts on the other person, it can bring in the reality check. I am not the co-dependant partner, nor do i make excuses for his drinking. He works full time and is progressing up his career path, but the marriage is no longer feasible. The drinking has become intolerable to me..... I now go out or stay with friends if he starts drinking, or if I wake up and see the carnage on the kitchen floor, I do not clean it up. I am trying to live for me now, until I am financially able to travel back home. I gave up a good job to come with him and am now on a minimum wage, part time employment, and still he asks for money. I refuse to pay for him now cos I know that he will spend it on himself and his favourite beverage, whilst I go without. Also the mood swings, I am unable to have an opinion and the control over me spending time away has just gone to the extreme. I am here for support, anything would be great. Thank you
Maresie said
Aug 3, 2016
Welcome. I do not know which part of the UK you are in but al anon is everywhere. I can work newest and your situation well.
I hope you are able to access the maximum resources fir yourself. It sounds like you are already aware of many of the tools.
I know this group has a lot of sobriety and I hope you will get a lot of insight and most of all support here.
Maresie
hotrod said
Aug 3, 2016
Welcome sheebee. I am so glad that you found us and reached out. What you have described is how I experienced living with the disease of alcoholism. You are wise and have seen the patterns and are seeking support.
Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease that ca be arrested but never cured Living wiht the disease,we(family members) become infected and require a program of recovery of our own.
Alanon is that program It is here, I learned ot take care of myself, live one day a a time, practice esteemable actions (to restore my self esteem),while continuing to be courteous and respectful to others . Face to face alanon meetings are found in most communities and the hot line number in the white page.
Keep coming back here as well---- There is hope
Iamhere said
Aug 3, 2016
I welcome you too to MIP sheebee - glad that you found us and glad that you shared!
The disease is cunning, baffling and powerful and reaches beyond the diseased to most family members. I was caught up in the cycle of insanity by this disease and did find my peace and tons of support in Al-Anon. It was there I found others who understood, listened without judgement and offered me their own experiences, strength and hope that I could find myself and my joy again.
We work hard to live One Day at a Time and that helps me tons too. I don't have to worry about the future or the past - just in the present. That helps me stay a bit calmer and realize that I am powerless over other people, places and things!!
(((Hugs))) - keep coming back - you are not alone!
sheebee said
Aug 17, 2016
Thank you for all your replies, I am located in the town of Market Harborough, which is in the county of Leicestershire. I do not have a car and do not drive here in the Uk, so this is why I require online support. I have noticed that with this disease there is also a control aspect to it. My husband or should I know say ex-husband - although residing under the same roof - can become controlling, more so now as I choose to be away from his binge drinking. I am finding that I am being followed, unable to have private conversations on the phone, unable to have friends come to visit without a constant interruption from him. I am a free spirit to some degree but what I have found is that I can neither be alone by myself nor can i have personal time out, he is always there, no matter even if I go to my room, he will always open the door, with constant interruptions. Its driving me crazy................ is this a normal behavior of the disease. Also when I find out that he has been drinking, (he hides the cans under the table), I find I am very, very angry. I am not sure why I am reacting this way, can anyone please put some light on it. I feel like I am living on my nerves each day.
Thanking you all
Sheebee
Iamhere said
Aug 17, 2016
Sheebee - I fully understand the nerves each day....I was very anxious when I arrived - wondering what drama/chaos would I have to endure today and/or fix......The meetings and those who came before me where so helpful in getting me to stay present in the moment and let things unfold and decide to engage or detach. If you find a meeting close to you, you might be able to call and see if they have any carpooling/ride shares. We do that here (US) when folks don't have access to transportation.
Hi im new to the goup, and have been married to a functional alcoholic for 5 years. We recently moved back to the UK so that my partner could be closer to family and although I have a limited support network here, Im struggling. Over the last couple of months, his drinking has increased up to 30 can/bottles of beer per night, not every night, but usually its after work. He seems to drink when I have gone to bed and of course when i wake in the morning there is a stench of stale ale. We have talked about his drinking, but the denial is persistant. I understand that this is a disease, however when it impacts on the other person, it can bring in the reality check. I am not the co-dependant partner, nor do i make excuses for his drinking. He works full time and is progressing up his career path, but the marriage is no longer feasible. The drinking has become intolerable to me..... I now go out or stay with friends if he starts drinking, or if I wake up and see the carnage on the kitchen floor, I do not clean it up. I am trying to live for me now, until I am financially able to travel back home. I gave up a good job to come with him and am now on a minimum wage, part time employment, and still he asks for money. I refuse to pay for him now cos I know that he will spend it on himself and his favourite beverage, whilst I go without. Also the mood swings, I am unable to have an opinion and the control over me spending time away has just gone to the extreme. I am here for support, anything would be great. Thank you
Welcome sheebee. I am so glad that you found us and reached out. What you have described is how I experienced living with the disease of alcoholism. You are wise and have seen the patterns and are seeking support.
Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease that ca be arrested but never cured Living wiht the disease,we(family members) become infected and require a program of recovery of our own.
Alanon is that program It is here, I learned ot take care of myself, live one day a a time, practice esteemable actions (to restore my self esteem),while continuing to be courteous and respectful to others . Face to face alanon meetings are found in most communities and the hot line number in the white page.
Keep coming back here as well---- There is hope
The disease is cunning, baffling and powerful and reaches beyond the diseased to most family members. I was caught up in the cycle of insanity by this disease and did find my peace and tons of support in Al-Anon. It was there I found others who understood, listened without judgement and offered me their own experiences, strength and hope that I could find myself and my joy again.
We work hard to live One Day at a Time and that helps me tons too. I don't have to worry about the future or the past - just in the present. That helps me stay a bit calmer and realize that I am powerless over other people, places and things!!
(((Hugs))) - keep coming back - you are not alone!
Thank you for all your replies, I am located in the town of Market Harborough, which is in the county of Leicestershire. I do not have a car and do not drive here in the Uk, so this is why I require online support. I have noticed that with this disease there is also a control aspect to it. My husband or should I know say ex-husband - although residing under the same roof - can become controlling, more so now as I choose to be away from his binge drinking. I am finding that I am being followed, unable to have private conversations on the phone, unable to have friends come to visit without a constant interruption from him. I am a free spirit to some degree but what I have found is that I can neither be alone by myself nor can i have personal time out, he is always there, no matter even if I go to my room, he will always open the door, with constant interruptions. Its driving me crazy................ is this a normal behavior of the disease. Also when I find out that he has been drinking, (he hides the cans under the table), I find I am very, very angry. I am not sure why I am reacting this way, can anyone please put some light on it. I feel like I am living on my nerves each day.
Thanking you all
Sheebee
Keep coming back! There is always hope and help!