I am very confused about something, and am looking for input/thoughts. The "Sick Man's Prayer" of the Big Book identifies the other person as sick and seeks God's help for him/her. But I am learning that I need to take responsibility and that in interactions the 'problem' is me - with my thinking/perception/reaction. So why is the prayer to call the other person sick? Am I not the sick one? And why am asking God only to "save me from being angry", and not asking God to help me and change my thinking/perception/reaction? If I am the 'problem' then why should I think I can help the other person, whose only 'sickness' is that they offended me (which is completely subjective on my part)? Why is the focus of this prayer on the other person, and not on me? This seems to me a contradiction, as the prayer seems to place responsibility on the other person instead of myself. Can someone please help me to understand? Thanks.
Mirandac said
Mar 13, 2016
I am doing aa bb 4 th step resentment prayer
Before bed everynight. Trying to expel my xah.
I have been doing it for over a week someone
Said do it for two weeks. Time will tell if it does
Its magic.
Its to release his hold, my anger and resentments
I feel toward him.
((((( cat))))
I dont have a big book or i would look up and
Read your question.
Mattie said
Mar 13, 2016
Is it a way of "letting Go and letting God"? Like, "I've been so bound up in worrying about how to run this person's life - God, I'm turning it over to you now"?
Although we bring our half to every interaction, I don't think anyone would argue that the alcoholic is not sick. We are both sick. Does that make sense?
hotrod said
Mar 13, 2016
The AA program as it is outlined in the AA Big Book is not the same as the alanon principles outlined in" How Alanon Works.
As I see it, this prayer is offered so that the AA member can learn to pray fo another instead of becoming angry and strike out. In essence we are all human and imperfect beings and in need of help
Iamhere said
Mar 13, 2016
Heya cat091313....If you are referring to the prayer on page 67 of the Big Book, it's clearer with the context of reading the whole chapter. That comes from chapter 5, How it Works, and is written for an alcoholic to understand what recovery is and how it happens. That prayer is added after the alcoholic is asked to identify resentments, and examine them. It basically suggests that those who have harmed the alcoholic were perhaps spiritually sick and that's the cause of their actions, words, deeds....
The entire Big Book is online and it's helpful to the Al-Anon program in trying to understand the disease and the diseased. Resentments for both, Alcoholics and Al-Anoners are inhibitors to recovery, so both sides of the house are asked to use the steps to free themselves of the past, resentments of the past, etc.
I don't know if that helps or not or if that's what you are referring to. There are a variety of places in the Big Book where prayer is suggested. This is but one and is specific to a suggestion of action for recovery.
IamGrateful said
Mar 28, 2018
When a person offended we said to ourselves,. This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.
One of AAs many paradox, so I am praying for a sick man, âMeâ because I am asking god to save âMeâ from being angry and for Gods will not mine be done.
MeTwo2 said
Mar 28, 2018
In alanon we become even sicker than the alcoholic ? Angrier more resentful obsessed discouraged etc .. were all sick when you take the alcohol out of the picture and look beyond it to the real exact nature of our wrongs sometimes. Human nature. This is why study of these or other steps are applicable to everyone (humans) .. can opt to pray for you both. Pretty sure every prayer is heard. Just a thought in passing.
Iamhere said
Mar 28, 2018
Welcome to MIP IamGrateful - glad you found us and glad that you shared. Alcoholism is a disease - cunning, baffling, powerful and progressive. The disease does not excuse poor behavior, but instead allows those of us affected to better understand that it's not rational to judge, get angry or react.
MeTwo2 makes an excellent point that mirrors my experience. We are often sicker than the A and need our own program of recovery. The sickest are those who can't 'see' or 'accept' they contribute to the insanity and get really stuck in the blame/shame game.
Working Al-Anon recovery helped me move forward and find me again, in spite of what my A(s) were/were not doing. Keep coming back - you are not alone!
I am very confused about something, and am looking for input/thoughts. The "Sick Man's Prayer" of the Big Book identifies the other person as sick and seeks God's help for him/her. But I am learning that I need to take responsibility and that in interactions the 'problem' is me - with my thinking/perception/reaction. So why is the prayer to call the other person sick? Am I not the sick one? And why am asking God only to "save me from being angry", and not asking God to help me and change my thinking/perception/reaction? If I am the 'problem' then why should I think I can help the other person, whose only 'sickness' is that they offended me (which is completely subjective on my part)? Why is the focus of this prayer on the other person, and not on me? This seems to me a contradiction, as the prayer seems to place responsibility on the other person instead of myself. Can someone please help me to understand? Thanks.
Before bed everynight. Trying to expel my xah.
I have been doing it for over a week someone
Said do it for two weeks. Time will tell if it does
Its magic.
Its to release his hold, my anger and resentments
I feel toward him.
((((( cat))))
I dont have a big book or i would look up and
Read your question.
Is it a way of "letting Go and letting God"? Like, "I've been so bound up in worrying about how to run this person's life - God, I'm turning it over to you now"?
Although we bring our half to every interaction, I don't think anyone would argue that the alcoholic is not sick. We are both sick. Does that make sense?
The AA program as it is outlined in the AA Big Book is not the same as the alanon principles outlined in" How Alanon Works.
As I see it, this prayer is offered so that the AA member can learn to pray fo another instead of becoming angry and strike out. In essence we are all human and imperfect beings and in need of help
The entire Big Book is online and it's helpful to the Al-Anon program in trying to understand the disease and the diseased. Resentments for both, Alcoholics and Al-Anoners are inhibitors to recovery, so both sides of the house are asked to use the steps to free themselves of the past, resentments of the past, etc.
I don't know if that helps or not or if that's what you are referring to. There are a variety of places in the Big Book where prayer is suggested. This is but one and is specific to a suggestion of action for recovery.
MeTwo2 makes an excellent point that mirrors my experience. We are often sicker than the A and need our own program of recovery. The sickest are those who can't 'see' or 'accept' they contribute to the insanity and get really stuck in the blame/shame game.
Working Al-Anon recovery helped me move forward and find me again, in spite of what my A(s) were/were not doing. Keep coming back - you are not alone!